


My Angel

by The_Bubble_Gentleman



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Assholes insulting each other, Fun Dead, I'm deprived of daily human functions, Jealousy, Lemon, M/M, Okay so there is Edd x Tom but it's not going to happen at all because I don't ship it and I'm sorry, One Sided Love, Pining, Sexual tension fuck yah, Stahp fighting guys don't make me come in there, These Bois, Unrequited Love, Wow, anal penetration, and masturbation, author-chan had Snapple addiction, commitment issues, cuteness, guys stop insulting each other, intimacy issues, let's make a deal, ok so there's smut, read this if you're bored, there isn't really any Edd Tom really, this is like a really dirty grocery list, tord is so in love I mean like guys, tord likes cake, video games - Freeform, why don't they just kiss already I mean shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:03:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 44,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bubble_Gentleman/pseuds/The_Bubble_Gentleman
Summary: Tom is in love with Edd, but Edd is with Matt. So imagine Tord being in love with Tom. I just Shakespeared your ass.I suck at summaries wow





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *unhealthy coughing*

It started with one night.

There was nothing to warn me about what happened.

When I fell in love

To begin, I am an intense alcoholic, thus the factor of this situation in which I am drunk.

Edd and Matt were gone, also a huge factor.

Edd and Matt have been together for months, and it just so happens that this week would mark the one year anniversary. I love both of them, and wanted them to be happy and spend time together. So with money saved up and a few twenties that Helucard pitched in, I had given them a whole week away to Fun Dead, staying at a hotel nearby.

The look on Edd's face was worth all the slight inconveniences. Matt was happy too. But looking at Edd and his flushed face. His adorable little face, all shining and eyes gleaming, smile bright enough to light up any day...

But yah Matt was happy too.

Edd pounced on me and pulled me into a tight hug. His hair by my nose. I tried not to smell it, I swear.

It smelled like milk.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you tHANK YOU!!"

He pulled away from me. I could count every freckle on his cute little nose.

"Matt and I have been trying to get some time for ourselves for weeks!! You're so thoughtful! Gosh, this must've cost a lot, especially with the fast-passes-"

I held a finger to his lips.

"Don't worry 'bout it, man. It's fine. You and him need this week off, not to mention it's your anniversary."

He grinned nonetheless.

Matt was laughing at Edd's reaction, probably loving his bubbly, bouncy mood.

My heart ached.

I glanced at Tord, who was sitting on the other side of the couch. He was staring at me, biting his lip, an expression of curiosity on his face.

That bastard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Edd left on Sunday.

Tord and I watched the car drive off. It was six in the morning. Cold and tired, I went back inside.

The house felt empty.

Tord had plopped on the couch, sighing as he felt his back pop.

My boxers weren't helping my whole "I'm fucking cold as balls" situation. My shirt kept slipping off and I felt like bleh.

I yawned, my lungs filled with the fuzzy feeling of content, making me even more sleepy.  
But like hell am I gonna not drink at six in the morning. Edd left with his boyfriend to go on a cute vacation where they'd be together and laughing and kissing and...

I snapped out of my train of thought. Tord was getting up. He sighed again, then made his way over to the fridge.

I heard a small "fuck" as he shielded his eyes from the bright fridge light. I moved away from the door, making my way to him, awkwardly staring.

He blinked.

"Ya want somethin' to drink, or did I not read your obvious pining right?"

That bastard.

Leaning against the fridge, I crossed my arms, giving a small huff out of successful spite on the commie's behalf.

"Like you've never loved someone who didn't love ya' back."

He tensed.

"You wish. Whoever I want, I get. Try as hard as you can to grasp the sheer concept, you ass. Drink?" He said again, turning to me.

I chewed the inside of the cheek with such intensity that Tord raised an eyebrow, expecting for my cheek to bleed I suppose.

Sigh.

"Sure. I'll drink away my problems. Always great advice, thanks."

He snorted and reached into the fridge, pulling out a thin brown bottle with blue binding. I grabbed it, and sat myself in a kitchen chair. I held my head in my hands.

"What if I had told him earlier, Tord? Do you think he would accept me? No! I mean, look at me!" I trailed off. "Look at me.."

I groaned and let my head down, my head hitting my arms.

"Look at me, Tord! I'm pining after some guy that I never had a chance with in any circumstance!"

Silence.

I heard shuffling. 'Probably him leaving, I must be making him uncomfortable'

I heard a chair being pulled next to me, a thump of it being occupied, and a snap and hiss of my bottle being opened.

A large, warm hand threaded its fingers in my hair.

"Tom, you give yourself way too much credit."

I lifted my head, resting my chin on my arms, gazing at him.

He gave a half smile.

"You have a chance with anyone you'd like, Thompson, and don't you forget it. You're like this...angsty teen's wet dream, yknow?"

His hand moved to my scalp rubbing small circles. My sleepiness was coming back to me as my eyes transitioned into a half-lidded gaze.

"I mean, you're pretty funny, not to mention smart, sweet when you wanna be, looking out for others, you ain't too bad looking, either..."

Tord bit his lip.

I gave him a small smile.

"Being real friendly, arn'cha?"

He blushed and turned away, removing his hand quickly.

"No homo, though."

I snorted.

Sitting up in my chair, I yawned and stretched my arms again, my shirt lifting to expose my stomache. I could hear a lot of pops in my back, and my whole being was washed with pure content.

Tord gulped next to me.

"I'm gonna go sleep. Thanks for the rubbies, Vidkun Quisling."

Tord let out a loud laugh.

"Yeah, fine."

When I left the kitchen, bottle in hand, I heard a loud sigh and the thump of something hitting the table


	2. Pure Sin to be quite honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit here CUMs that boi.  
> ...  
> Please don't hate me.

My room is the best place in the world.

It's warm and comforting and wonderful, like a big hug. My bed is always piled with blankets and pillows that I just worm my way into, like a cocoon. So soft and warm...

And yet I couldn't fall asleep.

I just sunk into the sheets, feeling the blankets surround me put me in a nice lull. It made me feel like a cat.

Like a cute little kitten.

My legs were bent and resting on either side of me. My hand had softly drifted down to my leg. I rubbed small circles into it, feeling relaxed and warm and so comfortable. My eyelids dropped down, my eyelashes clouding my vision.

My heart was beating a bit fast. My head leaning back as my other hand came up to gently, just barely, glide over my exposed neck. I could feel my pulse.

A warm throb hit my lower tummy and I immediately froze. 

I didn't always touch myself like the other boys did, and if I did, it'd take no less than an hour. When I did, I'd pamper myself, treat myself to exploring everything.

Just thinking about made the warmth spread.

Well fuck I guess I'm doing this now.

The hand on my neck had trailed down to my collarbone, gently rubbing it. My other hand traveling up over the bump in my boxers. I tilted my head back all the way and let out a small mewl.

The said hand was now gently tracing the skin between my jutting-out hipbones. Going back and forth across the skin. Back and forth, shivering and twitching...

It felt so good.

Everything was so warm and soft and comfortable and perfect.

I arched my hips and slip my hands to where my boxers pooled down to my feet.

My erection was glistening, pink, and fruit-like. Not too many veins. What I lacked in length, I made up with girth.  
My eyelashes fluttered as my hands gently pushed my shirt up. My fingertips caressing my soft skin. So warm, so comfortable, so good.

One hand traveled up to my left nipple, not touching, just resting. The other slid into my mouth. My warm, wet mouth encasing my fingers. I made a high-pitched sigh, almost a whine. The other hand was now circling around my nipple. So soft, so slow.

The other hand was edging down my body, teasing myself. My erection was pulsing, practically begging to be touched.

Said hand was trailing a wet finger up and down my swollen dick, it felt so good, so wonderful, feeling so calm and content.

My finger had reached the tip of my dick. Involuntarily, I bucked my hips and whimpered:

"Oh god, daddy please~."

I bit my lip and scrunched my eyes as my finger circles the tip.

I had found out I had a daddy kink when I was with Chris.

I wasn't head over heels for him, but I thought he was cute. We were in bed one night and I called him daddy. It was an accident, but the way his eyes dilated and the way he gave me a look that sent heat throughout my body let me know he was totally fine with it.

It was one of the best sex marathons I had ever had.

I shot out of bed and flipped to my right, knocking off one of my many pillows. In the drawer was a medium sized, pink and sparkly vibrator, along with apple pie scented lube.

I put the vibrator next to my head as I leaned back down into my endless pile of floof.

I grabbed the lube, spreading some on my fingers. I always loved spreading it and watching the few lines connecting it.

Slowly, slowly as possible, I put my hand by my opening. Rubbing circles around my puckered entrance.

"Oh daddy please...f-ffuck~" I gasped.

I heard some shuffling outside of my door. Quite sure it's Tord. I bit my lip, drool dripping down my chin.

There was a shadow of two feet. They stopped.

I threw the vibrator as quick as possible.  
My finger plugged up my hole.

It was against my will, but my erection was still pulsing and leaking pre-cum onto my tummy.

I let out a small whine. The finger under my shirt came out and slapped over my mouth immediately.

The feet shuffled, but stayed in one place.

I was frustrated. I wanted to yell at him to fuck off and go to hell.

But that's when he said:

"T-Tom, can I come in."

I froze.

"No"

Silence.

"Why not."

"You know why."

More silence.

My finger was still moving, scissoring my hole open. I could feel myself tighten up. 

Tord really needed to go.

"Tom I just wanna see you."

"W-Why is that?"

A sharp intake of breath.

"Because."

I had no idea why he would want to.

Might as well disappoint him. I'm no grand sight to behold.

"You don't tell a soul?"

"God no."

Pause

"Well, then, I guess-"

Then Tord burst through the door.

He was a mess.

His eyes were dialated beyond belief. His mouth drooling slightly. I could see the pit stains of his rolled up sweatshirt. A heavy blush covered his whole face. A noticeable lump was in his jeans.

And that all multiplied by a fuck billon when he saw me.

He stared at me, fingers in my ass, sweaty, blushing, drooling, fluttering lashes, swollen lips, biting fingers.

I probably looked disgusting

"Tom."

His voice had gotten deep and husky, like a growl almost.

He inched forward, eyes narrowing at my swollen dick.

I turned my head away.

"Can I touch you?"

My heart raced. Maybe if I forgot Edd with this one night, I'd be happy. 

I turned my head back, biting my lip and fluttering my eyes. I arched my back and shoved my finger in deeper. Baring my neck, I moaned and mewled:

"Daddy, touch me, please"

Tords eyes widened. He gulped.

"Fuck, Tom."

He inched forward, trembling as he looked me up and down. I moved my finger faster. 

Suddenly the bed shifted and his weight was on me. He was above me when I opened them again. Staring down at me, hands on either side of my neck.

His shirt was off. 

I don't like Tord. But damn does he look good.

He's an active guy. Toned muscles, sexy arms, strong jawline, flat stomach. This guy was fucking Adonis.

Edd was better though.

Edd and his cute smile. His soft hair. His warm embrace. His loving heart and wondering eyes. His slight chub but beautiful body. 

I sighed.

Tord seemed to know what I was thinking.

He leaned down by my ear, nipping it, causing a small gasp. He was warm in my ear.

"Tom I'm sorry I can't be him."

My eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, and I wish that you could be happy. With whoever you wanted."

He licked down my neck.

"Because you deserve it. All of this."

He stayed at my neck, then bit down.

A rush of blood came flowing, to where I could feel the pulse as it vibrated my whole body. My body thrumming to the rhythm of my heart beat. So good, so pleasurable.

So much...

Tord huffed and looked back at me.

I refused to look at him.

"Tom"

I didn't answer.

"Why won't you look at me?"

I didn't move.

Then I swiftly sat up, pushing him back.

"Because I don't love you, Tord. And the one I love is with someone else. And he'll never love me back."

He was quiet, his eyes staring off focus.

I sighed.

"Sorry, you...you were probably looking for a quick fuck, no emotions...I'm sorry."

His gaze focused on me. 

Leaning forward, I pecked his cheek and lay back down.

"Can we continue?"

He wasn't moving, just looking at me. Thinking perhaps.

Then he leaned down.

His arms snaked his way around me, arching my back for easier access. His legs on both sides of me. His crotch against mine, his nose in my neck. I felt like a child compared to him.

I felt something wet hit my back.

I didn't ask.

"Tom would you ever consider me as a possible candidate for your lover?"

Silence.

Licking my neck, rubbing his hands down my sides, grinding down.

"I've loved you for so long, baby, so goddamn long."

His voice wavered.

I couldn't breathe.

"You enchant me with every edge, curve, and flaw on this beautiful, beautiful body of yours."

Butterfly kisses planted up and down my neck.

"Your heart is so big and beautiful, your mind never ceases to challenge me, creating a whole new way of thinking. Completely blowing my mind every day."

Hands sliding up my shirt.

"Your laugh...god your laugh, your smile."

I don't understand why I'm crying.

He's crying, back trembling. My hands reaching around and petting traces and shapes along his spine.

"Your body makes me do such crazy things. So much pale skin, so much exposed, clear, smooth, soft skin."

More kisses.

More trembling

Faster movement.

"Big, beautiful eyes. Like the night sky. Cute little ears," nipping my ears for emphasis, "soft little belly, perky nipples, lithe small body, soft brown hair."

He sniffed my neck as I tilted it a bit more.

"Such a pretty boy."

I let out a soft moan as he raked his hands down my back. He sighed.

"Tom..."

His legs were trapping mine, pinning me to my bed. I felt so vulnerable under his touch. It was too much stimulation. His hot breath on my neck, the pulsing pleasure in my cock, the warmth of his hard chest against mine. I slid my legs out from between his and wrapped them around his solid body. My hips grinding against his. My tongue lulling out. The sweat mixing.

It was the sexiest feeling I've ever felt. 

"T-Tord! Please, go faster, please..."

Tord sounded like he had just ran ten miles, panting and sweating. He took a sharp inhale of breath, burying his nose further into my neck.

I realized that he still had his jeans on, and based on his frantic and gradual increasing grinding, he was close. He might probably regret cumming in his pants.

I wanted to say something but his elbows trapped my arms, enclosing them. He was gasping and breathing hard. Then I felt him bite down again, harder than before. It felt so good, I just couldn't bring myself to care what happened to his pants.

I was moaning, sounding like a complete whore. I was so close. So warm, so hot, so intoxicating. Just a few more thrusts, so close. Almost there. So fucking close...

He started kissing up and down my neck, panting and gasping and letting out small praises, calling me "baby" and "so beautiful" and...

I pushed my arms up, knocking his elbows off, he collapsed on top of me, only making us closer and hotter. My arms went into his hair. Stroking his hair, panting and moaning.

"God daddy just lemme cum oh please baby I'm so hard, so close and hot for you. Cum for me baby. Please Daddy just lemme cum with you, so bad- GOD!"

He tilted his head towards my cheek, frantically kissing it, and let out the sexiest moan I had ever heard, gyrating his hips in fast and circular patterns.

"F-f-Fuck, Tom, you're so fucking sexy..."

My eyes squinted shut, my orgasm about to wash over me. My whole body trembling, every body inch of me vibrating with pleasure and good and wonderful ecstasy.

He leaned in and whispered:

"Gå videre og cum for meg, kjærlighet."

White washed over me, my head tilted back so far, every inch of me shaking from pure pleasure, and it felt so good, and Tord was working me right through it. He was now was now above me, watching me come apart beneath him.

To be quite honest, hearing a Norwegian cum, is one of the most erotic things I had ever heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

We were silent.

Just our heavy panting and breath.

My whole body was filled with a content afterglow that made me just want to smile.

But Tord's presence brought me out of my sweet mood.

He stared at me, his eyes piercing mine. I didn't know what to say, but for some reason I felt guilty.

He knew that I only wanted a quick fuck...(hell, we didn't even actually fuck!) But the way he looked at me...

Was he honestly expecting more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * slowly dying of laughter *


	3. Fuck you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tension! *wheeze*

The next morning sucked.

The night before, he had kissed my cheek one last time, grabbed his shirt and left as soon as possible. It was awkward.

I have trouble understanding why that was a good idea at the time.

I woke up near noon. Based on the silence in the house, Tord had left.

Why that stung, I do not know.

I was just kind of staring at the TV. It offered no entertainment whatsoever, but it'd be better than silence. Just the low volume giving its attempt of soothing my mind.

It was bright outside, but the drapes were drawn, giving a surprisingly blue hue to the room. 

Cold, uncomfortable, drinking a beer, and stewing in my own worries and over-analyzation of everything.

To get this done logically, I'll have to just present the facts and think of how to deal with them.

Like a fact that Tord and I had basically fucked.

Tord and I never did get along. We've always fought. At first, I thought it was a playful teasing. 

Eventually it turned a bit darker.

I'll spare the details from reaching the light.

Tord and I have this...thing. We were not friends. I don't like him. I don't know why I don't like him. I just refuse to sit next to him. I would openly call him names, knowing I was being immature and stupid, picking a fight with Tord and all, but still I would not stop. I don't think he really ever had a reason for hating me. Its just how it is. 

I have heard stories of people hate-fucking, or using any kind of sex to relieve built up anger and such, and I don't think that's what we did.

It seemed far too intimate for hatred. The way he kissed me, held me, praised me, and made an obvious effort to make me feel good.

And boy did he ever.

It felt more like comfort sex. Like he wanted to make me feel better. But that just contradicted his actions and insults! And what was with the pep-talk thing at the table earlier that day? Why would he want me to feel happy if all he did was make me feel worse on a daily basis?

Secondly, the fact that he wanted to fuck first.

I never asked him to do any of that stuff. I never implied that I wanted him to come into my room and...He knew what I was doing! So why did he go in? Why did he want to "look at me" and "touch me" as he said? Was it the opportunity of a free fuck? That's what gave me motivation to consent, anyway. I just want wanted a way to get my mind off Edd. I have done plenty of times, so why was this time so different?

Well, this brings me to my next fact. 

He said that he loved me.

I don't know what to say to that other than to pay no mind to it.

I have no idea what made him say that. He played into the whole comfort thing very nicely. But he didn't just compliment my body or how good I was in bed. He complimented my personality and my face and stuff! He didn't have to do that. Does he actually love me, or is it just a thing he does during sex? If that's what he does, he sure is good at it. 

With those thoughts in mind, the door opened and Tord came though. 

He froze when he saw me.

His hair was tousled from the wind outside. Eyes were tired and shaded underneath. He had some plastic bags under his arms. We were silent as we stared. 

Tord made the first move.

"So uh...Tom."

I felt the urge to leave. It was way too awkward. I would laugh in situations like this if it was with anyone else. But I know that it would probably only make him feel uncomfortable, wouldn't it? I'm not him. I don't know what goes through his head. Nor do I know why I get this rush of heat to my face as he continues to look at me with those eyes of his. 

I especially don't know why I'm just awkwardly staring at him, only increasing the awkwardness of this awkward situation, which was already awkwardly awkward to begin with.

God this is awkward.

He clears his throat.

I hate it when people clear their throat. It lets the other person know that they as well feel uncomfortable. It should just be one of those things unspoken. All I know is that I feel like melting away and hiding forever.

"I, uh...bought some...shit."

The breath I didn't know I was holding escaped in the form of a breathless laugh. He gave a small smile as he visibly relaxed, making his way to the kitchen to, presumably, put the "shit" away.

Since my ability to process emotions and deal with my problems are almost fucking nonexistent, I decided to pretend that nothing between us had happened.

Y'know, like the douche that I am.

I followed him to the kitchen and sat at the table. His shoulders stiffened as he heard me come in, pausing for a moment, then continuing to put everything else away. 

I sighed, trying to sound at ease

"So Tordy..." I said with an attempt of breeziness. I mentally activated my "resting-bitch-face" button so he wouldn't suspect a thing. He wouldn't, would he? He wouldn't call me out on my facade. He would want to forget what happened, just like me...probably.

He perked up at the (admittedly lame) nickname.

"Tordy? Now that's a new one. I was expecting something along the lines of 'bitchass commie' or 'Stalin's wet dream' ...but, this is a treat." He murmured, smirking as he rearranged the fridge to put in...cake?

"Well, Tordy, if I knew you were gonna be such a bitch about it, I wouldn't have called you that."

I leaned forward. Before I knew what I was doing, I said:

"You know that I'll gladly call you whatever you'd like."

He dropped the can of frosting he had and swirled towards me, eyes wide, blush on his face. The frosting rolled towards me, to which I gracefully picked up and held it out to him.

"What's wrong now? Gosh, you're so weird today, Tord." I purred.

He stared at me.

You see, I was acting pretty chill.

My mind, however, was screaming like an unholy minion of the antichrist. 

I don't know why I said that! It just felt right to say in the moment, I guess! What could he be thinking?! Good God, I'm such a hypocrite... I literally just stated that I wanted to not remind him of what happened! And what did I do? I fucking reminded him of what happened!

He was still looking at me.

God it got awkward again.

Damage control.

I stood up, sauntering over to the fridge, putting the frosting away myself. He had shuffled over slightly, making way for me. After the frosting was away I turned to him.

"Whatcha need cake for?"

He blinked, then, after a second of processing, mumbled:

"I was getting hungry."

"And only a whole fucking cake can satisfy you."

He blinked then laughed. A genuine, whole-hearted laugh. It always made me happy when I made Tord laugh. He was so sarcastic, and never failed to make others laugh. When he laughed, it was like...I was funny enough for one of the funniest guys I know. I can't explain it.

It was a nice feeling.

He eventually calmed down and moved away to throw the bags in the trash. I watched him with complete and utter astonishment.

Since when did Tord have a nice ass?

"Well Tom," he sighed, "I must admit, I have been thoroughly roasted by you."

He turned to me.

"You obviously haven't eaten, based on your excessive bitching. How 'bout we go out to eat, eh? I'll pay, as repentance for committing a sin as great as challenging the great Thomas Thompson to a battle of wits." He said, stepping closer and closer to me. 

His hands rested on my shoulders, looking down slightly. I turned away. His sly little grin kinda ticked me off but...

"Y'know, you're pretty damn cute when you blush."

I looked at him, eyes widened. Was this a challenge? What was he trying to accomplish by being a smarmy little cheeseball? I gulped, thinking of a response.

Turning away, heading for the door to look for my shoes, I shot back over my shoulder.

"Fine. But you better bring your whole treasury, 'cause me likes some high quality fries, mister."

He gave another laugh as he followed behind me.

"Only the finest for you, princess."

What the fuck have I gotten myself into.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay if anyone is actually reading this, I thank you. Who needs those losers anyway, amirite?
> 
> Okay so I gave Tom anxiety.
> 
> Fite me.
> 
> Um I try to update everyday so that's cool. I guess. 
> 
> Also, I might switch the povs, so, uh, there's that.
> 
> I literally dunno what to say sorry for wasting ur time okie bai


	4. *quietly drinks snapple*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom makes a deal. Yes that's right he's on a game show how did you know omg wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have drank nine snapples during the making of this. Someone send help.

So I have no idea how we got here.

Well, hold on now, wait a sec, I do.

But damn is it weird.

 

We had just gotten back from the eating. 

It went very well, actually. No awkward silences, no meaningless small talk, nothing of that sort.

We talked about plenty of shit. Turns out, once two people are borderline-enemies, they aren't two up to date on each other's likes, dislikes, basic life story, etc. 

He has friends on the side, which somewhat surprised me. I mean, I know that I have friends other than our foursome, but I didn't really think if the others did either. 

I guess I'm a bit self-involved.

It was pretty fun in general. Tord and I don't have a lot of fond memories together. Our coexistence is mix of snide comments and borderline abusive arguments. The fact that we were now able to get along so well... the memories of the night before and my earlier questions had left my mind.

That, of course, did not last long, given that he had brought up Edd near the end.

This was a bit bothersome.

If it's true that Tord likes me... in that way...then why would he want to talk about my crush with me? Precisely! Well, I mean, I know that Edd is his best friend, but still.

Tord did happen to mention that Matt had confined in him when he had a crush on Edd.

I was surprisingly hurt by this. 

I know that Matt and I aren't best friends, but it still hurt. Or at least a warning from either of them of what would happen. I was being irrational thinking this. Tord wouldn't have told me. Matt...did Matt know? Did he know that I loved Edd, yet still pursued him? I was being selfish. If I was in his situation, would I let him get Edd? No, of course not.

To be quite honest, I could've gotten Edd.

I don't know what Edd's feelings were before Matt confessed. I shouldn't be mad at Matt. He probably didn't know my feelings, and I shouldn't be upset at him for making a move before me. I should be happy for him.

Tord had noticed I had gone silent and asked if I wanted to leave.

The drive home was quiet as hell. I wouldn't call it uncomfortable, but it sure wasn't a tensionless silence.

Just watching the buildings pass by, thinking of nothing in particular. Listening to the cars outside, the light breathing of Tord, the turn notification. 

When suddenly he stopped the car.

I guess I had zoned out. I had not noticed that we were at a gas station. It didn't matter really. It was fine. Nothing interesting was supposed to happen at a gas station. And why would anything occur? It is only a gas station, one of the least interesting franchises to ever exist.

Boy was I wrong.

Tord mumbled something and got out of the car, presumably to fill up the tank. When he got back, the thick tension had evolved and was almost suffocating me.

Silence.

"Tom," he murmured, "we need to talk about last night."

I froze.

"What's there to talk about? We screwed. Fucked. Shagged. Hit up. It doesn't matter. I'd prefer it if we didn't talk about it." I said, nervous.

He turned to me, eyes narrowed.

"Why did you let me?"

"Excuse me?"

He took a deep breath. Was he overthinking things as well?

"I said, why did you let me? You gave consent. All I did was ask. I mean, you could've said no."

Leaning forward, Tord rested his hand under my chin, tilting it up. He was biting his lips, obviously nervous.

"Tord, we both know why I said yes. I was horny, depressed, and lonely, okay? Now, onto the more important question of..."

I grabbed his wrist, staring him dead in the eyes.

"...why did you ask?"

Suddenly, the gas pump announced the price with a ding.

Tord's eyes widened, a blush spreading across his face. He gulped, pulled his hand away, and got out of the car.

Got him.

When he finished, he sat back down in the car, staring at his legs. His eyes were furrowed as if deep in thought. All I wanted to do was pick apart his mind, finding all of his secrets and thoughts so it wouldn't trouble me when he did things like that. When suddenly, he took a deep breath, turned back to me, and said:

"Lets make a deal."

To say I was confused was an understatement. 

He had avoided the question. My eyebrow raised, I replied with a 'hmm?' noise.

His face got even redder.

"I said, let's make a deal. Whenever you're sad, horny, whatever you said, then you can come to me."

He turned back to the steering wheel, started up the car, and drove.

"Anytime, anyplace, I'll be there. I'll do whatever you want for as long as you want until you feel better."

I didn't know what to say. By the way he was visibly holding his breath, he wanted an answer. What was I supposed to say? What he was suggesting is that we become the simple term of 'fuck buddies', which ruins friendships. I guess we aren't really friends, though, are we...

"'Kay, slow down there, Mr. Grey."

He let out a huff, resting his chin on his other hand to look out the window. So maybe jokes aren't the answer. 

"All I'm saying is just...have you thought this through? How long will this be? You never answered my first question, also. And what about Edd and Matt? What's going to happen to our friendship, if we even are friends. I don't know are we-"

Tord switched hands on the wheel and pressed his finger to my lip.

He looked shocked.

"Tom, the fact that you're even thinking this through is good enough for me. However, I think you're putting to much thought in it."

I was tempted to lick his finger so he'd remove it, but that seemed a bit weird, what with our new engagement and all.

"This can be as long as you want. Whenever you want to stop, you stop. I'm not going to answer the first question. Edd and Matt do not have to know. And..."

He let down his finger, thank God. 

"...I don't know what we are, but I don't think it's fair to call us enemies."

I gave him a blank stare.

What he just said did absolute squat to calm my nerves, but I feel as if I should put that aside. I will put away my anxiety to have a proper, functioning conversation for fucks sake.

"We're here, dude."

Well, never mind then.

As I went into the house, I noticed that Tord was at the fridge. 

Was he seriously going to eat a whole fucking cake after we just ate.

I followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table. It was a nice cake. White with little fondue roses. It looked good, too. Not that big, but still goddamn Tord.

When he sat down, he noticed me staring at the cake. He gave a little laugh.

"You want some?"

Yes.

"No."

"Sure well..."

He dug his fork into the cake and pulled out a big bite. 

"I'd like an answer on my proposal, then."

I'm guessing he wanted to share cake. I don't know why I find this charming. This is weird. Yet, I kind of liked it.

This whole situation is weird. What he was suggesting was that we fuck whenever we want to, no commitment, no love, just meaningless sex. This does not sound bad. I guess I should say yes, but..

"Tord, you say I can get sex from you whenever I want. Does this apply to you, regardless my feelings on it?"

He lowered the fork.

"No, of course not! You're in complete and utter control of this. I just do what you say. I mean, I'm allowed to say when I'm, y'know, but uh..."

Oh.

Well that changed the game a bit.

"So, you're kind of my bitch now."

His whole face turned bright red.

"I mean, well, yes...yes I suppose that is implied."

I smiled.

"Then sure, I guess."

I stuck my tongue out as I gestured to the cake.

He smiled warmly and sighed, lifting the fork back up to my mouth.

I grabbed it from him, placed it on the end of my tongue, and pulled it back in. Chewing it as the sweet, cold wonder that is cake washed away all regret. I stood up to leave, turning back to him before saying:

"Take note that when I have big things in my mouth, I always start with tongue."

That floored him, as he had  
let out a small whimper.

And that's where I am now.

That is how I got here, back flush against Tord's chest. Head tilted back as he licked my neck. Helpless. Grinding against him, letting out small mews as he stroked me faster. I could feel his erection pulsing against my ass, but I didn't really care. He didn't need to be taken care of. What if I teased and edged him a bit?

He is my bitch, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh shit double meaning


	5. Tord why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tords point of view on one of their sessions *wonk*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I know you don't really care, but I think I really do have a Snapple addiction.

Another day of this. Another day where he is my one and only.

Where Tom is my one and only.

" _Ah_ ~"

My love.

" _Ah_ , _T-Tord_..."

My angel.

"P-Please... _more_ ~"

I came crashing back to reality.

I had him underneath me, so beautiful, flushed, ready for me. So gorgeous, even when hiding those succulent moans. I only wish he could see what I see. Hell, what the world sees.

I gave him a small smile as I gripped his legs, tossed around my shoulders as my cock pleasures him. Angling, I managed to hit the one spot that made him feel like a cloud. Soaring high above his own body, erupting with intense, burning, amazing heat.

His perfect back arched in a way that made my cock throb. I was sure there was drool coming from my mouth. I continued, keeping up with the same angle I had found before, making sure to keep him flying. As he mewled and moaned and whined with pleasure, I turned my head to his legs. His beautiful, soft, ivory, delicious legs, so plump yet so small for such a small, perfect boy.

The warm and wet heat surrounded my cock, pulling me in. It gave me feelings and sensations I had never even known possible. Releasing and just fucking him and his tight, amazing hole with no regard for his feelings...it was a battle of self-control.

But his pleasure meant too much for me. What I would do for him had no limits. Death wouldn't be given a second thought if it somehow benefited him. Any sacrifice was but a small thought, if it made him happy.

He was gripping the sheets, this smooth knuckles turning even paler. His tongue lolled out, a blush across his perfect little face, his eyes scrunched up in, hopefully, extreme ecstasy.

I pounded harder, kissing his legs. His neck was covered in hickies and marks, possessively left by yours truly. So everyone knows what I did. Who he somewhat chose for activities like that. Who had the opportunity to.

Don't even get me started on this stupid Edd obsession of his.

Edd isn't even that great! Sure, he's nice and shit, but once all is said and done, I don't understand how Edd is better than me. Maybe since he doesn't...tease Tom like I do, or make fun of everything he does. Edd supports him and cares for him. All I can offer Tom is a free shag, Edd can give him more. Edd can give him a lifetime of happiness and love and affection and...

I'm not jealous. Jealous would be a complete understatement for how I feel. Everything I feel for Tom, all those nights of imagining him writhing underneath me, begging for more, daydreams of cuddling on the couch, spoiling him with everything I could offer...and Tom probably thought all of that, but directed it toward the thought of Edd.

"Fffuck! Tord! I-I-"

I once again left my train of thought and let one hand grip the bottom of his plump, cute little cock, dribbling pre cum. Just the feeling of it against my skin was enough to make me cum.

But I have to follow orders.

He had asked me to give him the best orgasm, today. If I came, it wouldn't as good. I had warned him that he would be edged. He obviously did not think it through.

I slowed way down, giving powerful thrusts, but slow, gentle, and loving. I watched, with my heart pumping and racing, as my love tossed his head back and gave out one of his erotic and heart-melting moans. I bit my lip as I held back a small whimper.

This beautiful creature, laid out and helpless beneath my touch, had trusted me to give him this. Such a pretty boy, such a good, pretty boy.

He hates being called pretty, since he has an idea of what men are, muscular, apathetic, and handsome. No long eyelashes or rosy cheeks, no slender waist and perky nipples, no round and juicy butt. I can't help it.

My beautiful boy lives up to my personal title for him.

But I guess he's not really mine, now is he.

'He belongs to no one,' I think, as I slowly push in and out, watching mouth watering expressions play out. 'He is his own person, a free spirit with fire and zest and spunk.'

Just imagining if he were mine, though, really is a pride boost. The very idea of having this intense soul want to dedicate himself to me even half as much as I would to him...

It was quite the thought.

_"T-Tord..."_

God I need to live in the moment more.

He was completely flushed, arm covering his face as his open mouth let out glistening drool, the perfect picture of sex. Panting, gasping for air, and breathless.

"Tord, I-I-I...I'm at my limit. I wanna cum so bad."

I gulped as my cock felt near to explode. But not yet. I wanted to see him come apart beneath me, begging for me.

I licked my lips as I looked him up and down. This perfect boy, my sweetness, my little elskede, my angel. So spunky and fiery and intense and bright, and I could bring him to his knees, just as has done to me for years. I remember when I was stoic, silent, and intimidating. Now, I can hardly rest without his face clouding my mind, taunting me with something I can't have.

I gave him a smirk.

"Oh yeah, baby? Show daddy how much you want it. Show me how much you want to cum."

He took a deep breath, mouth still open, and lifted his arms away from his face. His eyes were scrunched like an adorable kitten. His opened his arms wide as if to hug someone.

"This much."

If I wasn't turned on, I would've laughed my fucking ass off.

He was giggling, like the cute little thing he is. I loved his laugh, like an angel from above, he is just gracing us with his sweet presence.

I gave a particular hard thrust, striking his pleasure button dead on, his giggling flipping to overwhelmingly hot whimpers.

"Yeah? Well maybe I won't let you cum. You seem to like being funny rather than showing daddy what a dirty little slut you are."

He full on trembled. I felt so powerful. So powerful.

His eyes opened and he gave me a cute little face.

"Daddy please, Imma cum real soon, I just wanna, _ah_ ~, just wanna feel so _good_."

God, no one should be this fucking hot. No one should make me do think the things I think. No one should make me feel this possessive and vulnerable. Tom...

I let go of his cock.

"Cum for me, baby."

He gave a high-pitched moan and his whole body shook. His mouth  wide open. His orgasm must've been flowing through, giving him the best sensations that gave the tips of his fingers little tingles. Seeing him like this, something that I made him do, so sexy and wanting and needy, cumming all over his soft tummy and red, swollen nipples....

I pounded frantically, panting like a dog, working him through it. Milking it out.

I came hard. Seeing those nipples covered in cum, that cute face scrunched up in pleasure, I felt so connected, so intimate with him, so one with him.

But to him, it was only another fuck.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I pulled out when we had both finished. I crouched on the floor and peered at his hole, watching my hot cum flow out of his ass.

"Mmmmm~" he sighed, rubbing circles into his inner thighs, "that felt so good, Tordy..."

My heart pounded. I gave small kisses to his puckered ass. Maybe another time I could make him sing for me by licking him down here. Another time I guess.

Just content, comfortable silence as I kissed his thighs, his hands now running through my now sex-mussed hair.

Just me and him in the afterglow.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to not spell " boy" like "boi" like it was a literal fight


	6. Oh dearie me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well hello there party people. Tom and Tord are getting a little upset. Honestly they should just chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *casually drinks snapple*

To put it as eloquently as possible, Tord and I have been fucking like bunnies for the last couple of days.

It's to the point where my ass hurts just looking at him. Looking at him is different then it used to be, though. I see his hands, and all I can imagine are what those fingers can do, what they can do to _me_... Tord is no longer a pesky housemate, he is now Tord Larsin, sex god.

I appreciate everything he does, with a whole new light to it. From when he lifts heavy objects to when he makes a simple sandwich. He's not a show off anymore. Tord is much less annoying. Maybe, since he's giving me a good lay every few hours, that has tinted my perspective.

It's a scary thought.

Apparently, if put in the right situation, my mind can be easily swayed. I never knew how dark and handsome and sexy he can be when he's with me. I guess I've always been too busy looking at Edd.

Shit.

 _Edd_.

A fresh wave of anxiety washed through me, as I suddenly felt as if I was cheating on Edd with Tord. I'm not in a relationship with either, yet I feel committed to Edd. I still like him, I tell myself. Nothing has changed. I've loved him since high school, and it will unfortunately stay that way. I refuse to move on.

Edd is far too important to me. His cute little smile, the way he hides under his bangs when he gets all flustered and bashful, how serious and focused he is when he's drawing. I can't just let that go.

It's not as if I think Tord is a bad choice. Well, he is, but that's not what I'm trying to say. Tord is...sweet when he wants to be. Very clever and strong, but it still doesn't do anything for me in that way. Or does it? I don't know, I'm so out of tune with my body that I don't even know if I'm hungry or horny anymore.

All I know is that I'm on Tord's lap, watching TV with him like lovers do.

I seated my self between his legs, my head under his chin. He was rubbing soothing shapes into my legs as I nuzzled into his chest. His broad, strong, hard chest, so warm. The television played its scheduled program, but we payed no mind to it.

He smelled so good. I had never really noticed. It was a spicy smell, but also very sweet. Like smelling rosemary and cinnamon. Maybe nutmeg?

"Hey Tordy..." I murmured, my eyes not leaving he screen. "What do I smell like to you?" Genuinely curious.

His hands traced up and came to my hair, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. He pet it thoughtfully, than yanked my hair back, exposing my neck.

I let out a small whimper as he licked my neck, his teeth grazing my pulse. I swallowed. He can be so hot when he's like this. My eyes fluttered shut, basking in the affection.

Just licking and panting. He eventually raised his head so he'd be right by my ear. Tord breathed hotly into it, ran his tongue along it, sending me to a full-body shiver, and whispered:

" _Like shit_."

Then he does shit like that and all sexiness goes scampering away.

I pulled my head back up, putting my lip out and crossing my arms. He was laughing and circled his arms around me, giving me small, apologetic butterfly kisses between the laughs.

"I'm joking, I'm joking! You take things so seriously~"

With a sharp nip, he stuffed his nose into my hair, giving a large sniff. He sounded like a dog.

Giggling, I squirmed around, trying to break free from his iron grip. He was laughing, too, kissing my scalp and running his nose up and down my neck as planted even more of those little kisses.

When we had calmed down, he rested his head on my shoulder. After giving one last peck, he mumbled...something.

"What did you say?"

He huffed and angled his mouth near my ear.

"I said you smell like happiness and roses."

My ears heated up as I tried to come back with something. He chuckled softly as he bit my ear lobe, rolling it with his tongue.

"W-Well, you have me disappointed." I stammered. "Here I thought you were going to say I smelled like co-dependence and hair gel."

He tossed his head back and gave out his sweet, genuine laugh. I nuzzled my head as far as it'd go against his chest, embarrassed.

I don't know what it is, but there's something about the way he laughs always made me heat up and feel...weird.

"Only slightly," he sighed, calming down. "but I think you smell more like candied almonds, sweet and salty..."

He slipped his hand under my shirt.

"Makes my mouth water just thinking 'bout it."

I gasped as his warm hands came up to my nipples. His other hand came up to my chin, holding my head back whilst kissing my temple.  
A small tweak to my chest, and I gave a soft moan.

Beneath me, I could feel a growing erection. I softly ground down onto his lap. His throat gave a low noise, sexy and arousing.

We had a relationship that was absolutely perfect. No commitment, no emotions, no feelings. Just pure sex.

Then the phone rang.

The heated atmosphere died away as NSYNC blasted from my phone. He groaned and put his hands by his side. Leaning over him, I scrambled for my phone. It vibrated, rattling the table. His head was tilted back as he massaged his sinuses. Sighing, I nestled back into his lap.

"What?"

A cute little giggling was heard through the speaker.

" _Tom, you okay?"_

I sat up.

"Edd?"

Tord stiffened beneath me.

I don't know why.

"Edd!" I smiled. I had nearly forgotten the butterflies I get when I talked to him. Pulsing throughout my body, tingling little sparks. "How's it going?"

" _Pretty good! We spent, like, all day at Fun Dead. Did you know that their cheese conies were as perfect as they are? Cause' I sure as hell didn't."_

The pure excitement from talking him gave me the giddiest feeling. I giggled. God, I love him.

Tord, however, had other plans.

He grabbed the phone from my hands, gave a quick "see ya' later, Edd", then went back to hugging me.

I stood up.

"What the hell was that?" I said, frustration rising.

He gave me a bored expression.

"We were going to do something, correct? You can talk to him later." He tapped his thighs. "Come here."

Who does he think he's talking to?

Edd probably suspected something now! If not that, he's probably wondering why he was so rudely cut off! What that gets him mad at me? What was Tord thinking, grabbing my phone out of my hand? What gave him the right?

It's not like Tord can't do anything my hands can't do.

I turned and walked away. He stood up.

"Where are you going?"

I didn't answer him, I only turned my head before leaving and stated:

"I can always replace you, but I can't replace Edd. You know that."

And with that I went to my room.

A few seconds later I heard the door slam.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make Tord go fuck somebody out of anger or should he go punch a tree I dunno leave a comment.


	7. Yet I still love him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord thinks things over. Its a short chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tords pov I'll do Toms pov next chapter

I saw nothing but red. 

I understand that Tom didn't like me whatsoever, in any way, friendship or otherwise. I didn't expect him to ever like me.

Well, that's a lie.

I thought that if maybe we...y'know, were intimate enough times, he would somehow fall in love with me. I know it sounds a bit too fantastical, but I had just hoped. 

The thing that made me most mad is the fact that I knew it'd end up like this. I knew, deep in my heart of hearts, that he would act this way if I acted to possessive. I knew it, I knew it, and yet I went through with it. I knew he wouldn't fall for me, that he would stay in love with Edd, but...

We had been getting so close these last couple of days. The way he would look at me, smile at me, laugh at my jokes, cuddle with me, caress me, run his fingers through my hair, say my name with affection...

I had been living in a fantasy and needed to wake up. I had almost believed that he loved me back. 

My body was on auto mode. I had made my way to my car. Anger was all I could feel. The bad part is that I knew that almost none of it was toward him. He told me that he could always replace me. I meant nothing to him. Yet I felt nothing but love for him.

Tom was only doing what he thought I wanted. He didn't like me. He thought that this was only a sexual deal. I had just tried to turn it into something else. It wasn't his fault. It was my fault. But it didn't make it hurt any less. I was hopelessly in love with him.

I was now in my car, my head cradled in my arms, resting against the steering wheel.

Why did I fall in love with him in the first place?

I leaned back in the seat, my eyes closed, my head pounding. I felt tears threatening to break against my scrunched eyes.

For one thing, I fell in love with his laugh.

I remember that he annoyed me a lot when I first moved in. I thought he was a pompous, selfish asshole. No regard for his roommates. Undeserving of all that they seemed to do for him. 

I remember the night when I fell in love.

I had woken up around two in the morning. He was downstairs with Matt. Matt was animatedly talking to him, sobbing and shaking and looking so vulnerable, unlike his usual confident air. Tom pet his hair, softly petting his hair as he cooed and hushed him, whispering reassurances to him. I inched closer, attempting to hear what they were saying. 

He seemed so protective. So fiercely loyal and emotionally available. My respect had gone skyrocketing.

I remember that they heard me walk into the room, turning to me. Matt had turned away, attempting to hide his weakness. Tom whispered something in his ear. Matt mumbled something back. I had rolled my eyes and stumbled to the kitchen, still groggy with sleep. 

Nothing has piqued my interest from the fridge that night, but an angelic chime rushed into my ears and practically made love to my heart.

I had swallowed, and looked out in the living room.

He was positively glowing.

His face covered in a small blush, hands holding his stomach, head thrown back... Matt was laughing too, but god Tom's laugh. His laughter rang in my head. This laugh wasn't like the other laughs. It wasn't layered with menace and judgement. It was filled with pure joy, innocence. I wanted to keep that laugh for the rest of my life. To make him giggle like a little school-girl.

I fell in love, and I fell hard.

He was always loyal, unyielding, protective, kind and loving, gentle, helpful, selfless. So smart, too. Genius boy could crack the wittiest jokes. So clever, knowing all of these facts, noticing patterns and details we didn't know. And such a funny boy, with his sarcasm and dry humor. My kind of humor. So sweet and gentle.

Don't get me started on his looks. 

Such a slender, delicate body. So lithe and fragile, carrying such a heavy and intense spirit within. Messy but so soft hair. Cheeks that blushed so easily. Plump lips, long eyelashes, cute little ears... I want to kiss each of his finger tips, every inch of his body, even. Pretty eyes. He says they are the eyes of a monster. I say they are the eyes of one of the most amazing people to walk this wretched world.

I had hoped that, if we ever got together, he would allow me to just tie him up, blindfold him, and just do nothing but touch him. Forget my own wants and needs and attempt to convey my emotions through gentle words and kisses. Soft touches over his tummy, kisses on his legs, just be worshipped. He isn't appreciated enough. 

And he's been through so much. 

I don't want to go through the details, but he had a terrible childhood. He grew up too fast. He knew too much. I wanted to hold him and cradle him and destroy everything that ever hurt him when I first heard the story. He grew up independent and strong. Never had support a day in his life.

I tell myself when he says things like he just said that he doesn't know any better. He has this perspective that shows that the world can offer him nothing but bad. He must fight for what he loves. Trust no one. I want to fix him. Instead of drowning himself in alcohol and sex, just letting me worship him and change his views. This world is bad, but there are good things too.

So scared and nervous, so afraid of intimacy, of help. 

Its not a healthy relationship, what I'm describing. I know it's not. I give and give to him, he takes and gives nothing in return. 

But maybe he will. Maybe he will finally realize that I mean no harm that I only want to help him and give him a life worth living, and want to do somewhat of the same to me. I'm not too well off, either. I have problems, bountiful amounts of issues and instability. I guess I need him as much as I think he needs me. Just fixing each other.

I drove away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys really quick question. 
> 
> Should I make this story end with Tord finding someone else? I got a couple of personal emails from you guys that you think he should move on. 
> 
> Not the comments, just email. 
> 
> I'm not trying to make Tom seem like such an asshole, just the traits of people who usually deal with intimacy and commitment problems. 
> 
> Blah, I dunno. Should Tom just miraculously get over his issues? Let's all put on our thinking caps.  
> *sips Snapple thoughtfully*


	8. Tommy can sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okie so, Tom is doing his thing, and this is basically gonna lead up to some healthy communication between these two I mean goddammit guys.

__"Tord's a fuh-king asshoooole, a huge ass bitch ass prick!"

After I heard the door slam, I decided to write a goddamn song, completely improv. I haven't played Susan in a while. I felt like destroying a fucking city, I was so mad. So, with my options before me, I decided to write a small ballad about my pitiful existance. Because I'm an angsty human being.

I violently strummed a loud E Chord.

"...he fucks with my emotions! So he can suck my dick!"

I paused.

"...platonically!"

With a frustrated groan, I flopped into my bed, Susan hitting my chest.

First off, Tord was the fucking guy who suggested this whole bullshit plan in the first place! I had nothing to do with it! I thought he was suggesting that we be fuck-buddies, nothing else. I had no idea this deal included his total control over my love life!

Well, then again... maybe I'm being over dramatic. He only pulled the phone out of my hand while I was talking to Edd.

No, fuck him! He knows that's who I like! He understood this before the deal, he already knew who I liked! Tord also knew that I hated his guts, so why...

Honestly, why did I agree to this in the first place.

I must've been brain dead to agree to something like that! Given, I was kind of...in awe. I was desperate and weak and pathetic, no surprise. At the promise of sex, of course my stupid ass would jump at the opportunity. I don't pity myself, I pity anyone who has to deal with my shit. All I remember is that I wanted to know what was going on in his mind. I was sure he hated me, and all of a sudden he wanted to screw me? Maybe it was out of curiosity.

There was no way he actually loved me. I mean, who could? I'm fucking shit, to be quite frank. My personality is ew, my body is blah, my face is the definition of disillusionment with humanity, so why the fuck would he ever love me? I mean, he seems a bit too...cool to like me.

That thought made me sit up.

Well, he is cool! He's funny, smart, loving to those he considers friends, not to mention how sexy and stoic he can be. And god, he's real sweet when he actually likes to talk to someone. His interests are pretty cool. Dude can shoot a pistol real good, too. Now that I think about it, I'm almost astounded that I don't like him.

...

No, I like Edd.

I shook my head at the thought and decided to continue my song. Before I could position myself, my phone begun to play Elvis music.

Tord.

I grabbed my phone, Susan sliding to the side of my bed. Without thinking, I answered it. Why did I do that, you wonder? I have no fucking clue.

"Hello?"

There was a gasp on the other line.

" _I-I didn't think you'd actually pick up._ "

Yah you and me both.

"Well, I did."

I tried to keep it curt and sharp, like I was still mad at him, but his voice sounded so sad. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt guilty, which is stupid because it's his fault that our deal changed without me knowing. He expected too much out me,.

Through my thoughts, I noticed that it was silent on the other line.

A sigh.

" _Well, I just wanted to tell you that I think...I think that I should tell you something..."_

My eyes furrowed in confusion, my legs cris-crossing on the bed. A deep breath was heard through the phone. Then:

_"I love you. Not the way I love Edd and Matt, I love you in a purely romantic way. Do what you will with this information, but I just think you should know."_

The first thing I did was cough.

I'm quite the charmer.

He laughed, making me feel a little less like an asshole. A scrotum at least.

" _You alright there?_ "

"Yeah!" I lied. "I'm great! I feel great. Just nothing but good is how I feel right now!"

My whole body felt shakey. I felt guilty and warm and just plain bad.

I don't know if I can handle being told "I love you".

Tord gave another sigh.

" _Tom, I know you're freaking out. I just-_ "

"What do you mean? I'm perfectly fine!" God my voice is going to betray me. I wish he would hang up. I could feel a panic attack creeping up on me.

_"Tom, I haven't heard any voice get that high without the speaker getting kicked in the balls. Now tell me: are you getting kicked in the balls?"_

Fucking punk. He had no idea. I was physically restraining myself to not hyperventilate. Sweaty palms, dry mouth, and approaching headache.

I'm so pathetic.

"No! Of course not! Hey, listen, thanks for giving me a call, I appreciate it, but I gotta' go...somewhere."

" _Somewhere_." He deadpanned.

"Yes!" I rasped out. I was currently walking downstairs. I haven't taken my medicine in a while. I had thought that I had this under control. There is no reason for me to be reacting this way. It's just a confession, Tom. Calm the fuck down.

" _Tom, the medicine is in the top drawer by the fridge_."

My hand was already fumbling for it. I wanted to ask why he knew about my attacks. The only one who knew was Edd, and Edd didn't tell him. Did he? Maybe he just inferred from the attack I'm having now.

Walking over to fridge, I tossed the pill in my mouth, grabbed an open bottle of Smirnoff, and chugged it.

Everything that was buzzing stopped. My blood stopped rushing to my ears. Everything felt calm.

Purely content.

" _You there?_ "

I let out a held breath and slumped down at the table. He was still on the phone?

"Yeah."

" _You okay?_ "

Pause.

Was I okay?

I apparently don't even know my own wants and needs. I need to be more relaxed, but I can't help worrying about every single thing that a person says. Did he say this because of that, did he actually mean this, all that bullshit. I want to be loved, yet I'm afraid of the emotion. The only person who's ever gotten close to me is Edd. I love him, but that's obviously not going anywhere. I refuse to move on from him, feeling completely guilty, as if I'm betraying him. Which is stupid! I don't want to love anyone else...for unknown reasons. I guess because Edd is the only person who I've ever been completely honest with, and yet he still accepted me and welcomed me into his life. Do I feel guilty because I feel as if I owe him something? Because I feel the need to express my gratitude, cannot process the emotions, and simply push them all into the "romantic interest" category?

I sigh.

I pride myself on giving no shits, when in reality I give so many that it hurts me every day.

"Sure I'm fine."

He was silent.

 _"Okay, well, do you want anything to eat? I'm already out, so I might as well pick up food._ "

I suddenly realized that I'm fucking starving.

"Yeah, I'd like some ice cream, please."

_"Tom that's not real food. You need protein, produce, grains..."_

"Tord, I hate to say it, but I feel more spiritually connected to a woman on her menstrual cycle than anything else right now. I hate to stereotype, but I want ice cream."

Tord's laugh rang in my ears. It was pleasant to hear. A laugh like that could brighten anyone's day. I smiled as I took another swig of Smirnoff.

" _Alright, alright...I'll be home in an hour or so."_

"Mm 'Kay."

_"Bye, Tom."_

"Fare thee well, Tordy."

A giggle and he hung up.

I need some more to drink.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone gets offended by my stupid story, I am heartily sorry. Honest. No sarcasm I promise.
> 
> Now that that's out of the way, did you guys know that there is a new Snapple flavor coming out? I kind of freaked out. I have a problem...


	9. Tord is a creep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord comes back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm back. Also, in the last chapter, I got a couple of emails that I copyrighted the song. Guys what the fuck I literally made that shit up at like three in the fucking morning I mean like guys. I emailed them to send me a link to the song and they didn't say shit. I think I got trolled. Job well done. If anyone is actually reading this, that's awesome. I never read these notes. Plus this is like a really big ass paragraph.

I drove around longer than expected.

He knew I liked him. I had trusted him with my heart, vulnerable and open. He could say anything when I get home. He had complete control of me now. He could destroy me with one word. I had allowed myself to be exposed.

With worrying realizations such as these, one might postpone going home.

When I came home, I tried to think of what to say. Should I give a sarcastic comment? An apology? This conversation could make or break our relationship. Start by being gentle, like what he said didn't bother me or something.

He said that he could replace me. I knew it was true. He finds boys to bring home all the time. I was just a more conveniently placed fuck boy. 

I grabbed a bag. I had bought him a burger and fries, along with a milkshake. He needs to take better care of himself. I'm aware that buying him burgers contradicts myself, but it's still better than straight ice cream. Tom wouldn't eat anything else right now, probably.

I found that, when I entered the house, the lights were off. Was he in his room? I set down the bag. The silence that fell over the house was a little unnerving. I made my way over to the light switch and flicked it up. I blinked and let my eyes adjust to the light. When my eyes had stopped stinging, I made out the couch, with a small lump on it.

I'm glad I came home late.

He was curled up in a ball on the couch, obviously cold. His eyelashes over his soft cheeks, glistening in the moonlight. His brow was completely relaxed. His face was nestled into a pillow, his cheek scrunching up, making him look cuter than possible. His lips were parted slightly, a small trail of drool escaping his mouth.

His legs were trembling slightly. He was curled in on himself. I rushed forward and scooped him up, as gently as possible. My eyes never left his face.

His eyebrows furrowed at the new arrangement, but rested again as soon as it left. I bit my lip as his face tried to burrow its way into my chest, his body turned slightly towards me. He was so cute...

I made my way to his room. Again, my eyes never left his face. I didn't want to bump his body on anything and wake him up. It was a rare chance to see Tom so...relaxed. 

I set Tom down on his bed. His limbs fell limply beside him. I maneuvered the pillow to be directly under his head, and covered him in the blanket. He took a deep breath. 

I couldn't stop looking at him.

It was a bit creepy, but I couldn't help but look at the way his lips opened. The intricate trail that the drool took. I felt immediately heartbroken. The way that it looked with us now, I'd never be able to wake up and see this again. To hear his small breaths, to smell his hair as he woke up. 

I lifted my hand to wipe the drool from his cheek. My heart stopped as he tilted his head towards it. He let out a soft hum and mumbled my name.

Tom said my name while he was asleep.

A smile had plastered over my face. Tom was always someone who could take my breath away. Whether he was awake or not, apparently. Just a comment from him could leave me amazed, and apparently my name. My heart was racing, my breath held. 

The way he nuzzled into my hand was perfectly endearing and the only word to describe how I felt was complete and utter love. 

I hesitated, but eventually left him to sleep. So beautiful.

I felt as if I was being mocked by the world. Tom was just...placed into my life. With all of his grace and captivating beauty and astounding wit. A vixen straight from hell. I'd never be able to deserve someone like him, I suppose.

He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be, and if he would let me, I would like to spend the rest of life trying to make him feel the same.

On the way back to the living room, I remembered that I still had the food out.   
There's no use reheating fries, so I guess I'd just eat that. I placed the bag and shake into the fridge. 

As I threw fries into my mouth, I wondered if Tom would ever let me feed him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter sorry bout dat


	10. Fuck plot development

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lovely star-crossed lovers are now making peace (and maybe love, later *wonk*)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm back with a somewhat long chapter. Like, wOW, we haven't had tHAT in a while.

When I woke up, Tom was on top of me.

I had fallen asleep in front of the television last night, thinking and wallowing in self-pity as I gorged myself on fries.

Yknow, the American way.

I had meant to go to bed. I guess I didn't. It wasn't that bad, though. My back didn't hurt or anything. The pillows are very comfortable, and the couch is worn from years of use.

I dreamed that Tom was a king. A rich, powerful, good king who got anything he desired and only did the best for his citizens. His subjects would throw themselves on his bed if he wanted. His every wish was granted. Pampered and loved, he was the most extravagant being to ever live.

But he was not happy.

He hated everything and everyone. He didn't act out in any way, but he would silently wish for everything to end. He had suspicions that everyone was plotting against him. He trusted no one. He never took a spouse of any kind.

I remember feeling so sad. I wanted to tell him how great his life really is, how much he is adored and admired. I couldn't do anything. I could only watch him hate.

I knew what this dream was saying, but at the same time I didn't. In the dream, I could do nothing to help Tom. I'm a real person in his life. I have the ability to reach out to him, to love and help him.

Was my subconscious telling me to give up? My attempts are powerless and can do the equivalent of not even being there?

I had woken up to Tom's small figure draped over my chest. By the small raise and fall of his slim back, he was asleep.

My nose was just above his hair. I tried too resist, but I couldn't. I attempted to smell it. Tom smelled like candies and almonds and sweets, with just a hint of alcohol. It was a delightful scent, and I tried to worm my way up the couch to where I was sitting up, and could smell it better.

In the position I was in now, I was leaning against the arm of the couch, and his head was resting on my shoulder, his fingers spread over my chest. His pelvis was against mine, and his legs were on either side of mine. The way we were, it seemed as if we were a couple.

If only. 

Suddenly he took a deep intake of breath, signaling that he was awake. I wrapped my arms around him as he lifted up his arms and stretched. My hands were pressed into the small of his back as it arched, and with the way his pale skin glowed in the sunlight, he easily took my breath away.

Tom slouched down and blinked. He must've noticed that he was sitting on my crotch, (on that note, sitting on me), because a small blush spread across his face. 

I smiled and let out a small hum as I moved my hands up and down his back, feeling the grooves of his spine. God, he needs to eat.

"Hey." He murmured, giving a half lidded gaze.

I wanted to kiss his nose, but I wasn't too sure what was happening.

We were fighting yesterday because I was acting like a clingy boyfriend. He didn't seem to understand how hypocritical this is. Cuddling is something people in a relationship do. Why did he climb on top of me while I was sleeping? Hell do I know, but I wasn't going to complain now.

I wanted to say something snarky about how he was on me, but I decided against it as he groaned. He put his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know how this looks, I just..." he sighed, muffled behind his hands. I let my fingers trace up his spine. A small shiver ran through him. He lifted his head up, wrapped his arms around me, and put his head back on my shoulder.

"Well," I shrugged, "I'm not exactly complaining, I guess I'm just confused."

He nuzzled into my neck, his hair tickling my ear.

"Tord, it's not that simple."

He leaned back up, looking me dead in the eye. 

"I don't even know who I want, or love, or whatever. I know that I like spending time with you..." he trailed off. "...I dunno, Tord."

I felt my face heat up at that. He liked spending time with me, did he? Well, that was certainly good news. Tom also mentioned that he was second-guessing himself, or at least implied it. This was also good news.

That was an understatement. I felt like squealing like the little girl I basically am.

I slid my hands to his sides, attempting to shrug off the information, running them up and down, listening to his pleased hum as he closed his eyes.

"The thing is..." he started again. I've never gotten his much from him on his feelings. Ever. To say I was surprised was an understatement. "I've been analyzing myself recently. I've come to the conclusion that I've just been...telling myself that I like Edd. I think at one point, I did love Edd."

He scooted around, leaning in the back of the couch, his legs across mine. My hands came down to his hands. I rubbed and squeezed, mostly to remind myself that this is Tom saying this. It is happening. I couldn't stop a small smile on my face as he proceeded to tell me.

"Hell, I don't know if I even like Edd now!  
I was pretty certain I did, but I just started thinking 'why?', y'know? Like, why do I like him? He's kind, sweet, and always been there for me.."

I tensed.

I know I should stop being jealous at this point. He, even if he does become my partner, will always speak highly of Edd. Even if he doesn't like Edd that way, he will always speak of Edd as if he commands the sun and moon, stars and galaxies. Tom looked up to Edd more than anything on this world. The fact that he was questioning his own feelings should be enough for me.

Still, it made me a little frustrated. 

"...but I feel as if I owe him. Like my love is the only way I can ever repay him. I guess I don't know how to deal with emotions...I'm just a big bag of baggage, I'm sorry."

I was stunned.

He had never, ever, actually real-talked to me. Here he was, pouring out his heart, as if he was shameless. I have no problem with it whatsoever, don't get me wrong. I'm actually happy. If we ever have a relationship, I would need intimacy, connection, utter closeness... I had feared that he would only want sex, that no matter what I did, I'd never satisfy is emotional needs. Yet here he sits, telling me everything that's been going through that complex, wonderful mind.

Yes, Tom is a "big bag of baggage", I suppose, but I don't care. Every inch of him is perfection in my eyes. Every thought he has, every word he says, every single gesture. Perfect. He has problems, like everyone else, and I would die to have the chance to help him with them.

He was telling me this, goddammit, not Edd. I was the one who was able to help him. He consulted me, and the thought made me happier than I've ever been. 

It showed me that he's thought a lot of thought into this. He's been thinking things through, a little too much, but still. 

The first thing I could do was hug him.

I gripped him so hard. There was a chance that he would mine. No, that I would be his. We could be together, by a chance. I buried my face in his neck. He seemed speechless, and only slid his hands to my hair.

"Tom," I whispered as I made my way up to his ear. "I don't understand how you could ever think that you are any type of burden to anyone." Kissing his earlobe.

"Especially to me. I love you, as I've said before, more than life itself. I wish that you would just understand that you're human, and humans make mistakes. You don't have to have the right answer every time." 

"In fact," I said pulling away from him, never loosening my grip. "I think you're quite allowed to sort out your feelings. Take as much time as you need."

His eyes were wide, brimming with tears, and trembling. Trying to keep himself together, even after opening up to me like that.

I lifted one hand to his cheek. A tear slid down.

"Having complicated problems...it's all fine. That's the only flaw with you. A mind too big, a heart too large...just tears yourself to pieces, caring that much. In a small, beautiful body, as well."

He was looking at me, tears streaming down his face as he listened to me speak. My thumb wiping some away. 

I had obviously gotten to him, finally. He can realize, hopefully, that he doesn't have to always help others. He can talk to me, he's not alone, and that I'd love him no matter what was wrong with him.

I wonder, as I stoke his cheek, if Edd ever heard Tom open up.

A small, helpless whimper brought me back to reality.

I brought him towards me again. Leaning against me as he wept into my shoulder, I moved my hand to his back again and rubbed it in circles. 

"Tord," he rasped out. "Thank you."

I smiled.

"Elskede, take the time you need."

We sat like that, stoking his trembling back, letting him cry into my shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was about a half an hour when he stopped crying. Just small sniffles escaped his mouth.

I moved my hand to his hair.

"Tom, you okay?"

"Fuck, Tord!" He burst out into laughter, slightly shaking. "I didn't come down here to be all...sad 'n shit."

"Then what did you come down here for?"

His laughter instantly died down, transitioning into a sigh.

"I dunno, Tord. I guess I was feeling sad." he mumbled, sliding off of my lap and got up. His arms raised above him as he stretched. The morning sun was still shining, illuminating his smooth back and...

Good lord I didn't realize he was wearing that tiny of shorts.

Tom turned around to look at me, and noticed the blush spreading across my face. His smirk told me that he wasn't going to let it by. It's not as if I could help it. Seeing that all that smooth pale skin, who wouldn't be a little hot and bothered.

Fortunately, all his response included was an eyebrow raise and a snarky grin. Then he made his way to the kitchen with a confident strut.

I tore my gaze away. 

My heart was filled with a feeling in which I could hardly breathe. I couldn't help but smile. We had reached a new level of friendship, I think. He knows that I won't judge him for breaking down in front of me, that I can help him in some way.

"Tord, I need your help."

I spun my head around, noticing Tom peering around the corner. My mind went to the thought of his mental state. Did just now come to terms with my intentions and wishes? What if he was scared to say it out loud? Whatever he had to say, I was ready for it. Probably.

"How the fuck does one open up a goddamn bacon package?"

 

Silence.

 

Suddenly, I was doubled over in laughter. My eyes scrunched close. The rushed feeling of pure giddiness washed over me. 

I was laughing partly out of the hilarity of the situation, partly because he has no idea of the effects he has on me. One word from him could shatter me to pieces, leaving me and my heart in a void of sadness and angst. Another could fill me with happiness that you could only dream about.

No one can fuck with my emotions like him, and he doesn't even know it.

I jumped up and over the couch, walking over to him.

"You take some scissors and cut it, wise one." 

I gently pushed past him into the kitchen.  
He snorted as I made a show out of cutting the package open.

"See how I'm cutting it? Just opening the plastic prison of this slain pig's ass? With these...scissors, are they?"

He bit his laugh to stifle his laughter as I widened my eyes in faux fascination.

"And, would ya' look at this? It has opened! It took but a second. 'Tis the magic of scissors, my friend. Jagged metal always saves the day."

Instantly he threw his head black with laughter as he held his stomach. There's that angelic chime again. The innocence in that laugh made my heart stop. His cheeks in a lovely flush, his cute smile...

I don't know if there is anyone in this world who doesn't believe that making their crush laugh is one of the best feelings in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so do you want me to make them make up over some fine ass bacon, or something else. I have no fuckin clue leave a comment if you want I'm stuck.
> 
> Here's something interesting as shit: when I made Tom have a smell, I had my nose literally in a cone bag full of cinnamon almonds. How enlightening. >8D


	11. I know like two people are going to be mad buuuut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pbbbbbbt

Ok so I'm gonna write another fan fiction, thus putting this fan fiction on a slight hold. I'll update as soon as I can, though. Not that many people are gonna be upset but still. Yaaay.


	12. Oh my god, you guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo wow I've been gone for like two weeks shit man. Kay well, I have come to offer up a new kind of happy progressive chapter. I am sooo sorry I did nOT mean to make this story that angsty but FCK. Anyway, here's this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I don't feel as bad for making you guys wait because NEMESIS won't freaking UPDATE after like a MONTH and BLAH. No I still feel bad but yall only had to wait two weeks I've had to wait like a month. I've literally read all the stories of TomTord on the ao3 and they're all surprisingly good but Nemesis is by far my favorite. Holy hell I typed a lot XD

The term asshole is contradictory, so I'll just explain my own definition of it.

An asshole is a being that can, unconscious of their actions, drive someone else insane. Whether it be with anger and frustration, lust and love, they trigger strong emotions. However an asshole cannot be an asshole without the correct situation. The asshole would have to be putting the other person in a place where they can't really do much about their unaired grievances. The other person just kind of had to deal with it.

Thus, Tord is an asshole.

Now, if you think about it, there should not be this situation. I mean, I could easily just tell Tord 'my dearest Norwegian representative, won't you please commence in the engagement that is a relationship'? Seems simple enough. I'd of course have to change the wording, but that's beside the point.

But what I mean is that I should be able to confess my...feelings? Is that what I should call them? There's no point in going round and round in this stupid circle of emotions. I have no idea who I love anymore.

I thought I loved Edd. But the feelings I get with Edd are different then Tord.

With Tord, my heart is racing, pumping adrenaline throughout my body as sporadically as it can, just so it would leave me breathless. I feel as if I must be perfection around him. I must impress him, make him think that I'm someone not to mess around with. I yearned for his respect and approval. I felt as if I could never live up to him. His staggering intelligence, charming personality, light and easygoing aura, it's as if I never had a chance to make him feel as I did. I always have felt this.

But these last few days have tinted my perspective.

There's heat now. Every time we're in a room together, a thick and suffocating tension worms it's way into my loins. I begged to any higher power for affection and attention from him. I wanted his mind to be full of only me. I wanted to exploit those hands of his, make them touch and feel me, giving me sensations and trembling body pleasures only dreamed about.

Then there was Edd.

I wanted to please and impress him as well, but it could easily be compared to anyone else. He made me happy because I trusted him. His smile made me happy too, but did it always light a fire in me? Out of passion and determination, like Tord's did? At the time, I thought that small inclinations like those were obviously infatuation. God was I wrong.

Tord had always sparked something within me. Whether it was a snide comment or a joke or a simple word, he made me come alive. His whole being made me ache for the idea that he would ever approve of me. I cared for him more than I let on, I realize.

Hell, I don't know if I could ever live without him. I guess my world revolved around him. This week showed me how hot he really is on the outside rather the inside.

But why have I always cared about how Tord viewed me? Even before this week, I always acted as if he was a great god that I had to please. But why him?

Back to my original problem.

I should easily be able to communicate these feelings to him right now, especially since he is five feet away and asking me a question. I could-wait shit he's asking me a question.

"...Tom? Did you hear me?"

I blinked.

"Right, well..." he snorted. "I'm just going to assume you want the same drink."

I blushed and turned away. With all of these thoughts stewing in my mind, I could really see him in a new light. I've always been attracted to his personality, but now I saw him for more.

We were on the couch, later that night, watching television. We weren't really watching it, but it was a nice noise to have in the background. Tord plumped down next to me. He handed me my drink, then stretched out, making himself comfortable.

I saw a glimpse of his stomach from the shirt riding up. It was hard and toned, and it made my mouth water just looking at it. I saw a little trail of hair leading down, only to be covered by his sweatpants. I absentmindedly licked my lips, imagining what it'd be like to touch it. Hell, licking and kissing and just _feeling_ that rock hard abdomen.

Fuck.

I shifted deeper into the pillows, as if I was trying to sink away from my problems. He, however, looked fucking comfortable and content as per-goddamn-usual. I wasn't too sure what was on television, but he apparently seemed entranced. I gulped and drank some of the alcohol in my hand.  
The bitter, warming flavor danced on my tongue and burned my throats in that familiar way.

"Ey, look at this chick."

My eyes snapped to the television. There was a girl with some sort of fucked up lip talking. She seemed sassy and quite done with the events surrounding her. It was a cop show, I'm guessing. The bright flashlight shining in her face, showing all of her blemishes, as the police shouted in her face. I noticed that her pink shirt said 'cheers, bitches'.

Tord was smirking as he tossed his head back, engulfing more of his beverage. I saw the way his threat moved as he swallowed it. I sort of wanted to put my hand to his throat and feel it go down. That seemed like a perfectly fine request to me. Not uncomfortably creepy in any way, shape, or form.

He let out a satisfied " _aaah_ " when he finished. He was still smirking. Pointing to the television with his drink-hand and nudging me with his other.

"See, I think that her fourth husband just cheated on her, so she was trying to get back at the world by speeding in that god awful shirt of hers."

I let out a nervous laugh. I don't know if I could handle his warm, gentle hand on my shoulder. Trying to avoid an inquiries if I was okay or not, I turned to him.

"That's where you're wrong Tord." I said, his head turning towards me. "See all of those rings? I think she's had more than four husbands. Or, she hasn't had any at all, and just used daddy's money to shop away her loneliness." With that, I drunk down a large sum of my alcohol.

Tord burst out laughing, his grip tightening in my shirt. The lady was still whining to the police, which I'm guessing only made it more humorous. Hearing his contagious laughter only made me join in.

Eventually, after an hour, we were just two drunk dorks on a couch. Laughing at near everything each other said. Throughout it all, I had moved towards him a little more until we were practically on top of each other. I had relaxed much more. Though we were both drunk, so I'm guessing that was it. The T.V. was still on, but we weren't paying attention.

"Okay, okay! Now tell me something!" I giggled. I was sitting on his legs, elevated and facing him. He smelled like alcohol and...well, _Tord_. That musky scent he always had.

"Okay well," he started as he caught his breath. "When I was, like, fifteen, I had discovered just how gay I was. Not completely but, y'know. Pretty fucking gay."

I nodded as he continued his story. We were sharing random funny shit, as drunk people do, and I was having the best time I'd had in months.

"I had been dating this one guy, and when we broke up, I was all depressed and shit. I went to the store about a week after we broke up, and y'know how the cashiers are supposed to ask how you're doing? Well she asked, and I just told her, like, all of my fucking problems."

I was laughing so hard my sides hurt, my eyes squeezed shut. He was laughing too, his head resting against my chest and sending small vibrations over my chest.

He had his hands on my sides, slowly rubbing different patterns. We sat like that for a while, Tord resting his forehead between my collarbones. It felt so intimate. The original light air had died around us, now replaced with a heavier one. There seemed to be something unspoken, the way he was just stroking my sides with such tenderness.

I sighed and gave a small bounce to get his attention. He jolted up, his eyes slightly dilated. Shit.

"Y'know, if you wanted to get my attention, you could've just said something, rather than grinding on my dick...looking like that..." he purred, his eyes half-lidded.  
A shot of arousal flew through me, nearly distracting me from my original purpose.

"Well, maybe your lap isn't that big, and I want something bigger to sit on." I smirked. I watched as his eyes got bigger, a blush spreading across his face as he took a sharp inhale of breath.

"D-Do you wanna...?"

"No. I'd much rather play video games." I said, enjoying the small lump beneath me. I did want to play video games with him originally, but now I wanted to do that as well as tease him a bit.

He let out a huff of laughter as he rolled his eyes and leaned across the couch, reaching for the drawer that held the remote controls. I slid off his comfortable lap (receiving a tiny groan from Tord) and took a swig of my bottle while changing the settings of the T.V.

We had decided on a GTA game, though I would've preferred something more plot-based. He really wanted to do a co-op game, based on his intense gaze to the Diablo III disc resting on the counter. I arranged myself to be on top of his legs again, facing the screen, his chin resting on my shoulder.

In the game, we were driving in separate cars around the city, wrecking as much shit as possible. Meanwhile, I was drinking my ass off throughout this whole epidemic, Tord laughing every time I hiccuped.

Every now and then, I'd grind my ass down a bit, playing it off as simple shifting. Or I'd let out a soft moan and pretend it was supposed to be a noise of frustration. Mostly, I'd toss my head back out of supposed exhaustion, arching my back in a way that made the bump get larger.

At one point, I was purposely moving my head within his line of his vision. Eventually, he pushed off to the side, leaving me erupting in fits of giggles. He smiled down at me, and I felt my face heat up so much that he commented on how cute it was.

Currently, I was back in his lap, leaning on him as we destroyed what we could in the game. The alcohol was slightly affecting my vision, and I couldn't see exactly where I was going. He would teasingly point it out ever so often.

"Tom, can you even see where you're fucking going?"

"I uh...I can see that I have to go, uh, dead ahead."

"'Dead ahead' is a wall, Thomas."

"Yeah, well, your _mom_ is a wall."

"Actually, my mom was a building. A nice little post office. There's more to her than her walls, you perv."

"...well then I think we should pay a visit to a geneticist to see how the fuck you got made."

"Ha, you're sooo funny."

"Screw you I'm hilarious."

Then we had switched the game to Halo Reach, playing "Capture the Flag".

He was winning, the bastard. It was kind of hard, all of these confusing emotions and having him so close. I could feel his hot breath against my neck, and his amazing smell... I was trying so hard to win, to show him up so that he'd maybe think I was cool or something stupid like that. We were in the last few seconds in the game, when suddenly Tord made a stupid move of jumping out in front of me.

"Ha!" I dropped my controller and threw my arms in the air. "Who's stupid now?"

I whipped around to face him, straddling him as I gave a proud smile. My arms were crossed on my chest. Tord seemed fine with it as he rested his hands on my thighs. Though, I didn't understand why he was smiling too. Did I grind on his dick again? Was he plotting his revenge or something?

Suddenly it hit me like a pile of shit.

"You let me win, you asswipe." I grumbled. My arms fell from their position, my mood turning sour.

He sighed.

"Well, I couldn't help it." He said as he lifted a hand to my cheek. "You look so happy and adorable when you win. There's nothing like it. Especially when your pretty eyes shine like that." His smile brightened as he began to run his thumb over my cheek.

My eyes were black. The sclera of my eyes were black, and it gave off a creepy vibe to anyone who saw them I assumed.

Tord called my black, disgusting eyes pretty.

Immediately everything fell into place.

I felt love for him, an emotion stronger than anything I've ever experienced. Love was pulsing through my very being, flying through every vein in my body. My body... _god_ , my body was on _fire_. This man who lit up my life with something I never thought I'd have, who made me feel as if I was the only one, who seemed to turn the world in its axis for me. I loved him. Every word he said, every _stupid_ thing he said. Every second of his presence, the illumination that his eyes and wonderful smile seemed to provide, that laugh. I loved someone. I had never felt this before, this striking feeling that both ripped my heart to shreds, yet made my heart pound so hard my rib cage might've break. I realized that it was practically breaking me apart, this stupid, intoxicating feeling that took my breath away. I realized that I loved him, for his perfect mind and perfect heart and perfect body and perfect everything. He was just...in front of me, shining like a celestial being. I loved him and it was like nothing I ever felt before.

The night I fell in love.

I was drunk off my ass playing video games.

What a perfectly imperfect beginning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to have more chapters for some reason I made this sound like the end of a story well it's not so buckle up buttercup.
> 
> I heard tell that the new flavor is coming out tHIS JULY AND GUYS IM SO EXCITED.


	13. I did not mean to make this that angsty good lord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I swear to god I was trying to make this happy and cute but fuck I failed. What does this say about me? Anyway, these assholes finally stop being annoying. I wrote this whole thing while eating salami. Just a quick fact. Yaaaay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm sick so blah

 

I was drunk last night, as I said previously, so my walking abilities were a bit compromised. Tord had insisted on carrying me to my room. My face had heated up when I felt those strong arms of his sweep me off my feet, cradled close to his chest.

He plopped me down rather abruptly on to my bed, much to my dismay. I had playfully pretended to be offended and pouted. He only laughed.

This morning I woke up. My curtains are near always drawn, so not much light was shining through to signal the time of day. My eyes were having a hard time staying open. I was snuggled into my bed, feeling warm and secure and comfortable. The soft pillow cradling my head and the comforter and blankets covering me like a cocoon.

I wanted to sleep more but I felt that I should wake up. Maybe make Tord breakfast. It'd be a nice way to say that I am definitely boyfriend material. This makes sense, I suppose. Because passively flirting with people is the way to win their affections, right? Yeah, that seems healthy.

The room was bit cold, so I reached a hand up from the warmth to rub the sleep from my eyes. My face felt cold.

I yawned as I thought of getting up and actually getting ready. I should wear something sexy, but still look comfortable. Something that says "I'm feeling lazy today, but trust me I'm a total fucking slut you should see me on the weekends". Baggy sweatpants and a tight black t shirt. Seems legit.

My thoughts came to a halt as I felt a warm hand come up to stroke my cold cheek.

I whipped around to face the intruder, only to see a sleepy Tord with a cute smile probably illegal to most places. His hair was slightly messed up, but still soft and perfect looking. He wasn't under the covers, for he had an arm under his head and his legs bent comfortably. His eyes were half lidded and made my heart stop.

He was in a tank top, which was exposing his broad shoulders and mouth-watering muscles, making my morning wood promptly remind me that it is indeed still there.

I must've been staring, because he gave a soft laugh as he adjusted himself to face me completely, laying on his side. He gave a soft laugh as his hand moved to my hair, messing it up a bit and twirling it with his finger.

"H-How.."I stuttered. The way he was giving me that endearing look in his eyes was not helping me with my anxiety. Was he watching me sleep? What if I snored or did something embarrassing in my sleep? Did I smell bad? Fuck me....

He leaned in and pressed small kisses from my forehead to the tip of my nose. The hand in my hair eventually pulled up my shirt, I'm guessing that it was too big for me and was exposing my shoulder. Fuck, what if I have acne there?

"Tom, did you know that you mumble song lyrics in your sleep?" He mumbled, still smiling, moving his hand back up to my hair.

I groaned and turned my head into the pillow. This only made him laugh.

"Why are you so embarrassed? It was cute! I think at one point I heard...ABBA? All I know is that you were asking me if 'my mother knows'..?"

This, of course, was my favorite song ABBA produced, and one of the most embarrassing things for him to find out about me. I lifted my head, groaning once more.

"Yeah, yeah...just don't tell Edd, okay?" I joked.

He stiffened, his hand stopped moving in my hair as his eyes narrowed at me.

My heart rate increased in a way I don't think is recommended. I didn't mean it like the way it sounded! God, if I just told him he what was on my mind, he would know that I don't love Edd like that and, probably, never have! Fuck.

I moved closer to him and nuzzled into his chest, hoping he'd forget about what I said.

This did not work.

He sighed, then sat up. I was pushed back to my original position as I lay there wide eyed. Tord's eyes were closed as if in concentration, then he ran his fingers through his hair. His eyebrows were furrowed. He looked thoroughly pissed off.

I need to confess, goddammit. I need to tell him that I love him, that it's always been him. I would do anything for him and always will. I'm just an emotionally-fucked screw up who can't even get my head out of my own ass long enough to realize that I'm hurting the people I love. That the one I've always loved has been right here, irritated at me.

Wait.

Did we sleep together last night?

"Tom, stop thinking. I can hear it from here."

I curled in on myself. I felt as if I was a child about to be scolded. To be honest Tord is probably done with my shit. Hell, I'd be too if I was him. He's probably annoyed by me, and has already moved on.

What if he's only using me for sex now? God, I did the same fucking thing to him, I should just take what karma has dealt me and be a man for once in my life.

"C'mon, Tom, let's get up. We should eat." He mumbled. I shot up and grabbed the back of his top.

"Tord, did we..did we, um...did-"

"No, you were drunk. I'd never take advantage of you while intoxicated like that."

My heart fluttered, but was immediately replaced by guilt. I'd rather him do something mean so I'd feel less bad. I was always such an asshole to him, yet throughout it all he's always been there for me. I'd rather him yell and scream and throw things than this silence. It hurts.

Then he turned around and looked at me dead in the eye. His eyes looked cold, distant.

"Do you enjoy taking advantage of the people who care about you? Is it fun to watch them hurt?"

And with that, he slid his legs off the bed, stood up, and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I was left in my sheets, feeling like shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
I went back immediately to sleep after that. I felt guilty and sad and pitiful. I didn't want to go down there.

Y'know, did I really do anything wrong? Maybe I'm just overreacting. It was a simple harmless joke that he just took a bit too seriously. His own fault, right?

No, I'm an insensitive douchebag who can't filter his words or just shut his mouth for one goddamned second.

He's probably tired of my baggage and wants to go find someone else, someone less annoying and confusing and rude and...me. Someone he deserves.

When I woke back up again, I saw Tord sitting on the end of the bed. He had his head resting on his arms, his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around them. He looked like he was deep in thought.

When he noticed I had stirred from my sleep, his eyes darted to my body, then quickly back to whatever he was looking at before.

I sat up and wrapped the blankets around me again. My shirt was still slipping off, but I couldn't care less right now.

"I'm, uh, sorry for earlier." He muttered. His ears turned red.

He looked like he had more to say, so I held my tongue and watched him think.

"I just..." he said, turning his body to look at me. "I just have trouble sleeping because of you. I have trouble doing fucking anything because of you."

My eyes widened.

"You occupy my every thought. You are all I think about. For three, almost four years it's been that way. I've tried to get over you believe me." He laughed. "I've tried fucking other guys, I've tried arguing and fighting with you, and nothing works. God, and with how you talk about Edd and look at him...and stuff...it should be obvious to me that we don't have any future together. But then we have nights like last night, where I fall deeper and deeper in love with you, which is already practically impossible..."

I wanted to interrupt him. To throw my arms around him and shout 'yes! I love you too!' and live happily ever after. But I couldn't find myself to do it.

"I feel as if you just trap me and don't let me go. Just, I feel as if I can't fucking move on with my life. Being around you isn't helping me whatsoever. So I've been thinking that I should just move out, Y'know? You're never going to love me like I love you, so it's best for me to just not be here anymore."

My eyes prickled with tears.

At this point, if I said anything, he'd probably assume that I wanted him to stay for sexual and selfish reasons. I wanted nothing more that to have him stay and be with me. I wanted to hold him close and apologize for how I am, how screwed up and clueless and absolutely annoying I am.  
How I figured out how much I loved him way too late. That, when I found out how much I loved him, I nearly burst into tears from the pure emotion that enveloped me. This should just be my punishment for how I am. Tord deserves so much better than me.

I noticed that he was staring at me.

Was he trying to convey a message? Was he trying to see if I'd beg him to stay? Was this a challenge? Was this a test to see if I loved him? God, I can't handle this.

I wanted to scream at him, curse him for even daring to think of moving away from me.

But I couldn't.

Could I?

Tord blinked, then slowly nodded his head in understanding. He got up. Before he turned to the door, he hesitated as if he had something else to say. He only mumbled:

"There's some breakfast in the fridge that you can heat up. I'm going out for a bit."

My breath quickened.

He was going.

He was going to leave.

He was going to leave me, goddammit.

In that moment, I realized that if I don't do something right at this very second, I'd regret if for the rest of my life. He was going to fall in love with someone else. He'd probably laugh or yell at me if I ever told him I loved him past this moment. I was so nervous, though. But fucking, _why_ was I so nervous?! Was it because I'm so stupid that I think no one else could ever love me? Even after he's told me how much he loved me on several occasions? God, I'm pathetic.

But...

I love him so much it hurts.

I don't deserve to be happy with him, with how much I've hurt him. I should've let him walk away, away from me and all I had to offer.

I should've let him move on and be happy.

But my heart was breaking.

I needed him, _god,_ I _needed_ him. I should've let him go instead of keeping him here with me, but I fucking can't. I need him. I want him.

A day without him is a day not worth living.

Shakespeare knew what he was fucking talking about.

I scrambled out of my bed and practically threw myself on him.

We both were on the ground. I was on top of him as he gazed at me with a startled look in his eye.

Tears were blurring my vision, falling on to him.

"Tord!" I rasped out. "If you even _think_ of leaving me, you have another thing coming, you insufferable prick!"

He was still staring at me with a shocked expression and wide eyes. Just watching me as I fell apart in front of him.

All my emotions and pain, all my worries and anxiety filled thoughts, every tear I've held back came rushing out, like a tidal wave.

"I'm s-so sorry that I'm like this! That I'm such a fucking loser with an unstable mental situation, and I'm so sorry that I'm being so goddamn selfish when I have no right to be!" I sobbed. "I want you here with me always, never leaving me...and I don't want you to go! Please, please please don't leave me because I...!"

Pause.

"I-I love you more than anything else in this world, and the thought of losing you fucking _kills_ me! I love you so goddamn much, it hurts, and I can't even deal with how much it'd break me if you ever left!"

Silence filled the room. Only my quiet sniffles and occasional gasps for breath.

He wasn't saying anything.

I felt so stupid.

Most of all, so vulnerable.

God, I realized that one word from him could break me apart and rip me to shreds. Here I was, crying and sobbing and pathetically shoving my emotions down his throat. How stupid am I?

Did he even believe me after this long?

I felt his hands snap up to my shoulders and, with a quick twist of his body, pinning me down to the floor. He was above me now, hands on either side of me.

His eyes made me want to cry even more.  
They were brimming with tears. Swimming with raw emotion.

"Thomas." He swallowed. "I understand that you like sex. A lot, in fact. I enjoy doing it as much as the next guy, especially with you. But..."

He gulped and leaned down next to my ear, his hands coming up under my body. I noticed that his hands were slightly shaking.

"...for the love of god, please don't tell me something like that if you don't mean it. You have..." His hands gripped tighter. " _No_ _idea_ how much it fucks me up. God, I've always wanted you to say that...always. But this is just plain cruel if you're just saying it."

'God no, Tord, I love you, I _love_ you, and I'd never want to hurt you.' I wanted to say. Of course he didn't believe me. I was too late.

I reached my arms around him, trying to convey how much I felt for him. I arched my back to press my chest against his, so he could feel how my heart was pounding. He gave a shuddering breath.

"But..." He was so silent, I could practically not hear him. It was difficult, with all the blood rushing to my ears. I had never seen him with this much emotion. "Is any of that true?"

I gripped his shirt so hard that my knuckles had turned white.

"Everything, down to the last cuss word."

He gave out a sharp exhale of breath and was directly by my ear.

"Tom, I'm sorry but...you love Edd, and there is no way for someone to just...stop loving someone that quick. I should know, I've tried. Look, whatever you're feeling is just temporary, and it'll probably-"

"Tord!"

He stopped abruptly as his grip on my shirt lessened.

"I love you! I've never, ever loved Edd! It's all stupid! Edd...he's great, he's awesome, but he doesn't make me feel that way. And I'm not talking about sex!" I said, pulling on his shirt a bit. "When I'm around you.... _god,_ when I'm around you everything is just...I mean, like...everything is just better! I... A life without you isn't a life I want to live, asshole, so you're staying whether you want to or not."

Great now I can't even convey my emotions correctly. Have I lost the ability to interact with humans? He probably doesn't believe me. Fuck.

His voice got even quieter.

"Please, please tell me that you mean this. Please tell me that it isn't any form of manipulation and that you love me."

I wrapped legs around him as I choked back a sob.

"Tord, I love you. I love you so much. I love you and your stupid goddamn face and your smile and the way you look when you're thinking, and your eyes and how they show exactly what you're thinking, how you act so strong and tough, but you really are so gentle and loving and sweet and caring, and how smart and absolutely hilarious you are, and how you make me feel better whether you mean to or not, and goddammit if I have to live without you and these stupid cheekbones because I can't deal with my emotions like a proper human, then I'll track your ass down until you believe me."

I took a deep breath. That was a long ass sentence.

"I never loved Edd. I thought those feelings I had for him was as flushed as it gets. I feel only admiration and respect for him. I can live without him, as terrible as that sounds. But I can't imagine not waking up to see you every day. I've probably just...fucked this all up...but please, _please_ believe me when I say that I love you."

I was thoroughly shaking now. I just outed all my emotions out. What is it about him that just makes me unconsciously want to make a fool of myself?

His arms were shaking as well.

"Tom." He said. "Say that again."

I huffed.

"All of that? That was embarrassing enough as it is..." I mumbled nervously.

"No." He said as I felt a smile form on his face. "Say you...you love me, just one more time."

I smiled too. I closed my eyes and relaxed.

"I love you."

He kissed my ear, then mumbled:

"Again."

"I love you."

A kiss on my cheek.

"Say it, but pinch me as you tell me so I know this isn't some cruel prank my subconscious decided to play on me."

I giggled. Relief had swept over my body, nearly knocking me out. All that stress and anxiety...

I moved one of my hands up to his neck and gave it a small pinch, as I told him how much I loved him.

We were both laughing.

"Say it again."

"I love you. But I'd find a way to love you more if you could let me up. The floor isn't comfortable."

Tord didn't even hesitate as he swooped me up and carried me over his shoulders, gently resting me on my bed.

He was on top of me again, looking down me. That warm smile was back and I loved him, I loved him so much.

He leaned down to kiss my nose.

"To be honest you should just keep saying it. I'm never going to get tired of it."

I was full on laughing now, my body vibrating from my overwhelming happiness and he kissed my jawline.

"I love you."

"How much do you love me?" He said at one point. He was kissing my forehead.

"So much that it'll outlive when all the stars burn out and fall in the sea, my love." His face heated up as he stared down at me.

"You...you sure know how to treat a lady, don't you?"

"Yeah well. What can you do."

"I think I'm going to kiss you again."

"That's a swell idea."

He was kissing my neck now. His soft, warm lips directly above my pulse. I was struggling for breathe as he trailed his tongue up the column of my throat. I was so in love with him, that I-

My stomach a noise to remind us of its existence.

I sighed.

I love him so much that I forgot that it's like two in the afternoon and I haven't fucking eaten.

He laughed and scooted down to my belly. He lifted up my shirt and gave it a soft kiss and said:

"I love this, too."

I couldn't stop laughing as he kept just kissing it and I was so happy. He put his ear to my belly and looked as if in awe.

"Man, you can hear everything. I can hear your stomach sloshing around in there."

My eyes widened as I tried to push his head away, still overcome with laughter.

"Tord! That's gross, cmon!"

"But it's you."

"Yeah but, it's my insides!"

"So?"

"Well...isn't that weird?"

"Not really. It's soothing."

"You're so fucking weird."

The whole day we spent kissing and eating and cuddling and just basking in each other's affections. It seemed too happy and perfect and gay to be true. It's still us, so we continued to be snarky and insult each other.

I was so goddamn happy I could shit a rainbow and be totally fine with it.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of wish I wrote this better, but I'm too lazy to. I feel like I should do one more sex chapter because I like writing it. I'm not at all saying that they fuck, I mean like, they make love and it's adorable. Leave a comment if I need Jesus or if I should do another chapter like that.


	14. In which I can't write porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Tord don't fuck, but they do other shit so that's neato.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been sick blah

I realized that I've never been in Tord's room, as of today.

We've known each other for nearly five years, and yet I've never actually looked at Tord's room. I mean like, I know of it. I know of its existence, but I've never actually been in there.

I imagine what would be in there as I munch on a strawberry. Perhaps he has posters and posters filled with band members and sharpie drawings, like mine. Or maybe he still has all of that hentai in there, perhaps shelves of manga and figurines lining his walls?

Now that I think about it, what is it about hentai that he finds so interesting?

That'd make for an interesting conversation.

I was sitting in the kitchen, eating strawberries, and formulating my objective of the day. I was determined to get him to allow me into his room. How was I going to do it? I mean, I guess I've never really asked about his room, so it's not as if he was hiding something. I'm sure he'd let me in if I asked. But, I don't want him to know that I want to know....as stupid as it sounds.

Suddenly my phone vibrated.

I picked it up and glanced at the text that...Edd sent me?

' _Hey, Matt and I are going to go and visit his parents, so we'll be gone for about two more days. Thanks for this week! :D'_

At that moment, Tord strolled into the room.

He looked as if he just woke up. His hair mussed up, loose and saggy sweatpants, a tank top tight around his chest. Oh _god_ , and there's that happy trail again. Fuck me up.

I felt a wave of arousal as he walked over to the counter and picked up his cigar case. He already had a lighter in his hand as he stuck a cigar in his mouth and lit it. I didn't really know that I could find something like that so damn hot. Just the way his eyes were half lidded and focused and the way his eyebrows furrowed, and the look of pure pleasure on his face when he took a drag. His eyes closed, his mouth formed a small "O" as he let out a perfect stream of smoke.

I swallowed as he just stood there, the sunlight framing his cheekbones and muscles perfectly.

"Tord, you good?" I said as I smiled.

He chuckled, his eyes still closed.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I was just really craving one. Been thinking about it all night..." he mused. "How long 've you been up, love?" Tord made his way to my chair, swooping down behind me, crossing his arms in front of my chest and trailing kisses from my cheek to my neck. I gave a soft hum as I leaned back into his touch.

"Like an hour ago...say, could I try?"

He moved away and sat at the nearest chair. He wore a confused expression as he took another drag.

"What do you mean?"

"Your cigar. Can't be too different from a cigarette."

His eyes widened as he lowered the cigar.

"You smoke? How did I not know that?"

"I used to. Back in high school that is...me and Edd and a couple other guys used to smoke."

"Holy shit, _Edd_ used to _smoke_?"

"Oh yeah. He was worse than me, but he quit pretty fast. I haven't smoked in so long, c'mon." I said, looking at the cigar.

Those years were some of the best in my life. When I met Edd, and he introduced me to some of his friends,we all got pretty damn close. They were the first people I ever told about my sexuality. They all accepted me completely, and I had never felt so comfortable to anyone in my life. I hardly remembered how the cigars tasted, but I remember that hanging out with them was the best part of my day.

Edd had decided near our junior year that we should quit. Most of us decided not to, and he didn't really care. But he pushed me to stop. I remember being so irritated with him that I just didn't listen. Edd didn't get mad when he found out, he just shook his head and said that he was disappointed.

I had felt so struck, so bad and guilty. I felt like I needed to live up to his expectations, like he was the only person I needed to impress in my life. It wasn't easy, but I stopped smoking for him. When he said that he was happy that I quit, how most people couldn't quit like I did, I mistook these new feelings of validation and platonic love for actual love. I didn't know what real love was, I guess.

After all these years, why not just pick up a cigar and relive past pain.

Tord nodded slightly and, noticing the distant look in my eye, handed his cigar to me. The feeling of the stick between my two fingers felt practically orgasmic, a shudder running through my core. He saw my reaction and, with a face of wonder and astonishment, held his head within his hands as he focused on me.

Beginners at smoking usually just cough and look generally awkward, but a good smoker does it like it's as natural as blinking. Was he watching to see if I was telling the truth? I wanted to show him that I was pretty cool, too. I can be graceful, not always an awkward and stupid weirdo.

I raised the cigar to my mouth and took a deep breath. The familiar taste of the smoke ran through me and caressed my senses with its tempting hands. I leaned back and let the air blow out in a lovely stream.

"Holy shit."

I gazed at Tord. He seemed a little hot and bothered. His lip bitten, his eyes dilated, and obvious blush slowly spreading across his face. I handed back the cigar.

"Was it...arousing to watch me smoke?" he mumbled. "Just wondering, because I...didn't think it'd be so, erm, hot to watch you smoke, is all."

Unexpected, yes, but certainly welcomed. In fact, this could be a good thing, actually.

I couldn't help a large smile form across my face as I straddled him. He leaned back in his chair to make room for me, a deep sigh escaping his lips as I wrapped my arms around him. He placed a hand on the small of my back, the other still up and holding his cigar.

"What about it turns you on so much?" I said.

"I dunno," he shrugged,"maybe just how blissed out you look, or the way your mouth forms, I dunno'." His hand slipped under my shirt to touch and feel my back, mumbling something Norwegian that made me lick my lips.

Another thing I loved about him was his accent, and that language. It sounded so sexy from his lips, his tongue twisting in ways to fit the grammatical criteria. The fact that I had fantasies of him speaking it between my legs in a hushed, soft voice was alarming enough.

Thinking of him like that made it quite easy for me to get in the mood and get this plan in operation.

I leaned down to his neck. It smelled so _Tord _right there, as if this was where his smell was coming from. He shuddered above me as I licked up one of the tendons. I looked at the glistening trail I left, the bit down in the area where his collarbone and neck meet. He gave a very small incomprehensible moan above me.__

 

__Looking at my handiwork of a large red area (that would soon turn purple),I brought my head back up and just looked at him. He brought his hand with the cigar up to my face, maneuvering his fingers so that the cigar wouldn't burn me._ _

 

"You're so pretty, y'know, and it amazes me that I'm able to just...touch you now." he mumbled.

I took a deep breath, then leaned close to his ear.

"How close are you to finishing that cigar?" I purred, feeling the way his spine jolted.

"'Bout halfway, but I'll just put it out, I swear. This-" The hand on my back traced up. "is much more addicting."

I removed myself from his lap, making sure to grind a bit, and gave a huge smile. I felt like I couldn't stop smiling around him, like, ever. I saw him practically smother his cigar in the ash tray, then stride over to where I was. My plan was already in motion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
I was flush against him, pressed into my door to my room. He was kissing me weak, only the knee between my thighs keeping me up. My hands were pinned on either side of me, when all I wanted to do was touch him. Feel the way his shoulder blades moved, scratch my fingers down his back, yank his hair.

His tongue was inside my mouth, exploring everything it had to offer. We were gasping and panting and moaning and it was perfect. A hand released mine and made to way down to the door knob, I knew that it was time.

"Actually," I panted, pulling away, a string of saliva connecting our two lips. "Can we go t-to your room?" He was still trying to catch his breath as offered me only a confused expression.

"Why's that?"

Because I want to see your room, you beautiful, dickish man.

"I-I dunno I just...my rooms pretty dirty."

He smirked. A hand came to my hair and yanked my head back, receiving a mewl from me. He left kisses up and down my throat and it was so good, _so_ good...

"Y'know, being surrounded by your scent...makes me go _crazy_." He growled. This wasn't new information, I've always known that he has a thing for smell. But his voice...I was trying to come up with a reasonable argument, but the way those teeth would nip at my pulse made me melt. He seemed pretty horny, and dead set on going to my room, so I would just have to sacrifice my pride to the gods of getting laid.

"Y-yeah, but...what if your smell does the same to me."

He pulled back, released my hair, and stared at me, obviously intrigued. If I was going to get through to him in this state, I was going to have to talk as dirty as possible.

"Well, w-when I smell you, what if, sometimes, it gets me so hard, so f-fucking desperate for something to fill me up..." I batted my eyelashes for effect. "...that I just go back to my room and fuck myself on my fingers, like a bitch in heat. What if it has the same effects on me?"

The thing that I had been feeling since the smoke had gotten huge. His eyes half lidded, his eyebrows furrowed as he gave a hazy look. He gulped and took a shaky breath.

"Y-Y-You've masturbated to the thought of me?" His voice dropped an octave.

I have masturbated to him so many times, that it was nearly impossible to keep track past the first nine times. I may have assumed that we were enemies at a time, but Tord is extremely attractive. I had fantasized of him taking me roughly, leaving me moaning and begging. What I said to him was entirely true, but it's more sexual than I would have usually worded it.

I nodded.

He blinked.

I felt self conscious all of a sudden. Was I not supposed to say that? Was that too weird? What if I just made him feel uncomfortable? Goddammit, getting-laid gods.

" _Ffffffffuuuuck_ , Tom..." he laughs. He kissed my forehead. "How did I ever get so lucky to have someone like you in my life?" He tossed me over his shoulder. If I wasn't blushing already, you bet I was blushing now.

Tord had carried me over to what I knew was his doorway. I slid down and plopped on the floor, eager to see what was inside. He chuckled, then pushed open the door.

I was a tad confused.

What I was expecting was a weeb room, full of weird but endearing collections of manga and comics and video games. Hell, even some kinky sex toys, knowing him. I was not expecting to see a normal room, only with a table of electronic devices and machine parts, scattered papers and such. I guess my facial expression was easy to read, as it only took three seconds flat of him looking over my shoulder to see that I was mildly disappointed.

" _Ohhhhh_..." he nodded with understanding, his hands squeezing my shoulders. "This would be the first time you have seen my room, yes?"

This only raised more questions. Did he build all this stuff? If so, was he really that savvy? How did I not know that he had a passion for electronics, whether he built them or not?

"It's fine, I guess, I just..."

"You just what?" He said, smiling.

"I guess I was just expecting something else."

"Like what? I'm curious." I threw my hands in the air as I gave an exasperated sigh.

"I don't know, some geek ass dork shit. I wasn't expecting a smart person room, that's all."

He let out a loud laugh as he nudged me over in the direction of the bed.

"Some 'geek ass dork shit'? That's an interesting way of explaining it." He said as I looked around.

There was a stack of papers next to his bed. I was pretty sure they were what I thought they were, and I was set on seeing some weird shit while I was in here.

"Oh, uh, you know what, Tom, you probably shouldn't look at that, um..." he stuttered, looking thoroughly uncomfortable. Of course, I was only more curious. I strode forward and took the paper from the top of the pile, ignoring Tord's babbling.

I wasn't at all expecting what I saw. On the paper, I saw me. My name written again and again, drawings of me in a well drawn chibi form, very well drawn pictures of me doing every day activities, quotes that I have said. I was stunned, a blush forming on my cheeks and my heart rate increasing. He was silent.

I turned towards him.

"What's this?"

"Nothing, just...nothing." He sighed as he rubbed his temples. He was avoiding eye contact. "Can I have that back now? I'd like to pretend that this never happened."

He was so embarrassed, and I couldn't help but find it absolutely adorable. He drew pictures of me? The thought that Tord would sit up here and actually take the time to draw me is absolutely cute. And, from what I saw of the other papers, my suspicions were correct of assuming that he drew me a lot.

I set down the paper and walked towards him, swooning on how the blush highlighted his jawline and spread to his shoulders, his hands buried tightly in his pockets.

"I didn't know you could draw, love." If it were anyone else, it would've been a little creepy. But this was Tord, and it was absolutely endearing and only made me want to kiss his cute, blushy face. "Why didn't you tell me?" I purred.

"Cause it's stupid and weird." He muttered, still refusing to look at me.

My heart was fluttering at this adorable little hobby that I've discovered. I pushed my body against his and gently turned his face towards mine. I stood on the balls if my feet to reach his lips, giving him a long kiss. He hesitated but kissed back. I threw my arms around his neck. I was still highly flattered by those papers. He actually thought about me enough to draw and quote me. I was smiling into the kiss and I was just so happy, he made me so happy.

"I don't think it's weird. I think it's absolutely adorable." I whispered.

The lump (must've disappeared from the embarrassment) was quickly growing back against my pelvis as I opened my mouth, running my tongue along his lips. He complied and eagerly let my tongue in. He tasted good, and a sudden thought popped in my head, in which I was licking his chest, tasting every crevice and every droplet of sweat.

The urgency and passionate heat from earlier was gone. It was replaced with intimacy, a need for closeness and connection. The kisses were much more soft now, and he was caressing me in a way that made me feel so loved, like I was the most precious thing to him in the universe.

However, we needed to take care of the situations in our pants. Tord and I were, without stopping the kisses, making our way to the bed. The back of my knees hit the mattress and we both fell into the...incredibly comfy bed, holy shit.

Why the fuck was my bed not this comfortable. It only made me want to lay in this bed more and more. Not doing anything dirty in particular, just laying here with him would be good enough.

We pulled apart, gasping for air. Tord planted another kiss on me as a hand traveled down and under my sweatshirt. I shivered as his hands rubbed up and down my tummy. I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me, letting out small whimpers when said hand came up to my chest, squeezing slightly at the nubs. He was watching me now as he took me apart, watching and listening for my reaction.

"T-Tord... _please_..." I gasped when he almost dug his fingernail into it. He leaned down to my chest and ran his tongue over them.

"Please what, love?" He whispered.

"I-I want you to love me 'n make me feel good." Tord liked it when I expressed my feelings like that, no matter how much I hated it. I didn't like expressing my emotions, always taught that it was a burden to everyone around me. " _Please_."

He smiled, then let out a comfortable hum.

"I'll try my best, love."

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helpless.

Vulnerable.

Absolutely filthy.

He was spreading his fingers wide inside me, gazing at me with a look I could only describe as hunger, supporting his weight with his elbows. It felt so stupidly good, that he was practically splitting me open. I felt completely gone, like my very existence revolved around every movement, every press in that perfect spot.

My clothes were gone, as were his. My chest was cold. Sweat was pouring off of me, making me feel so disgusting. Tord wasn't faring much better, but the difference was that he was attractive.

The way it slid down his abdomen and chest, hard and toned and just amazing. I was in love wth the way his eyes were focused on me, how dedicated he looked to giving me pleasure. God, I was so in love with him.

My legs were wrapped around his back, my head thrown back, my back arched, fists closed tight around the sheets. Mouth open and panting, letting drool trail down my jaw. It was so hot, yet so cold at the same time. It must've been the sweat, effectively cooling me off. Tord had a hand over one of my wrists. He gave gentle squeezes time and time again, reassuring me that he was there.

A sudden curl of his fingers made me give a particularly high pitched whine. He leaned down to kiss my tummy. My breathing heavy.

"You okay, baby?" He purrs. I can't see straight. I can't think. It burns and it's too much and it's not enough, and it's awful and I don't want him to stop.  Shameful-hot, filthy and embarrassing and selfish. He cares so much, and I can't help but wonder why. He's not getting anything out of this.

"Oh...oh god, _yes_..." I gasp. I'm too far out of it to tell him to stop, that I want to give him the same pleasures I was having, and that I didn't want to reach pure bliss without him.

I briefly caught a glimpse of him grinding down on the sheets. I felt guilty, but it was quickly flushed away by his tongue licking a stripe down my cock. A loud moan escaped my mouth, my eyes scrunching up from the feeling.

His mouth had made its way back to the top, licking the pearl of cum from the head. I was trembling and gasping for breath. I couldn't believe he was giving this to me, and I felt pure happiness.

The gentle but powerful curling and thrusting of his fingers, and the heat enveloping my member had the all-too-familiar sensation of heat pooling in my abdomen.

"T-Tord, Imma cum, it's t-too much.." I tried to communicate what was about to happen, so maybe he'd realize how much it was affecting me. He didn't seem to care, only moving his fingers faster. He removed his mouth from my cock, lifted his head, and gazed at me, squeezing my hand. My legs were twitching, my hole clenching around his finger.

"I love you." He whispered in awe, kissing my belly, but never once looking away. "I love you...so, so much."

I was practically melting. All I could hear were his soothing words, the blood rushing in my ears, and my own mewls, whimpers, and muffled cries. I was vibrating with pure pleasure, and he was right there to work me up, bringing me to the peak.

It's difficult not to lurch away, and equally difficult not to squirm back, gasping. It's intense, almost too much. The small mewling noises coming from my throat ramp up in volume as he whispered that I was so good for him, so absolutely perfect. I was so close, so close to reaching climax, to reaching orgasm.

"Let go, baby, stop holding back. Just let go and cum for me, my love." Tord had paused his hand movements, and just pushed his finger against my prostate, running it over with the callused pad on his finger as he watched me. I was so close, so close to feeling so incredibly good.

"F-Faster, oh please go faster- _yes! Right there_!~" I moaned. I was right there, right on the brink and-

And god, it was _right_ _there_. Right there felt so good and so right and I was fucking cumming. I was cumming hard, my mouth open in a silent scream. I was cumming and everything felt good. Tord was pressing and squeezing and ramming into that perfect place, milking out my orgasm and bringing me to new heights.

Never had it been this good. It had always been fantastic with him, but this time was different. Maybe because there was a mutual need to give pleasure this time. I don't know what it was, but it so good. Cum kept on spurting out and landing onto my tummy. Bliss wracking my body.

His finger still slowly rubbing over my button and watching with an amused expression as I twitched in overstimulation when I came down. I felt cozy and warm and loved and I felt him kiss my jutting out hip bone.

But I felt instantly bad.

He still hasn't cum yet, and I felt so guilty and selfish, like a fucking asshole. I tried to regain my breath as he nuzzled my stomach. He slowly pulled his fingers out, receiving a whine from me, and trailed his wet fingers in a small line up my worn out member. When I bucked my hips, the feeling too much for me to handle, he chuckled and kissed his way back up to my face. Above me, kissing me all over, the tenderness and affection being to much to handle.

I could feel his pulsing erection poking me and I felt pretty shitty.

"Feel good, min kjærlighet?" He chuckled, his breathing ragged. 

"B-But...But you didn't-"

He held up a finger.

"Sssh. I don't care about that. You're tired, aren't you?" He stroked my cheek with his thumb. "Look at how tired those pretty eyes are."

I shivered from the compliment, then lifted my hands up behind his neck. It was dripping with sweat.

"No no, I am getting you off. Whether you like it or not. Who the fuck even turns down the offer of something like that?" I winced as my ass suddenly pulsed with a twinge of pain. "I mean, it's like saying 'nah, no blowie for me thank you, I'd prefer to sit alone and jerk off at my house. That just sounds better.' What's up with that Tord, huh?"

He laughed, his laugh rang in my ears as an angelic hymn of some sort.

"Well smartass, if you insist on helping, then just..." I was confused.

"stay there...looking like that." His eyes suddenly narrowed as he wracked his eyes over my body. He licked his lips, then a hand came down and disappeared under him. A heavy blush rose to my face as I realized what he was doing."Yeah, j-just like that..."

I've decided that I should live by the moral of 'If someone is going to jack off to you, then give them something to really jack off to.'

I closed my eyes, let my hands softly drift down to my tummy, swirled my finger in my cum, and then stuck it in my mouth.

I suckled on my finger, making sure to give small moans throughout. I wasn't hard, (it was too soon to get it up again) nor did I have any desire to be. I wanted to serve this beautiful man above me and let him feel as good as he always makes me feel.

Tord's eyes dilated, then squeezed shut. His eyebrows furrowed up, his lip bitten. His head suddenly swooped down to burrow into my neck. He let out a low groan, furiously moving his hand up and down his thick cock.

"You're too good for me..." he whispered.

I heard sniffing by my ear, which made me pause.

"Tordy, are you sniffing me?"

The sniffing stopped, replaced by a quiet sound of his throat clearing.

"...No, because...that'd be weird..."

I threw my head back and giggled, his soft hair brushing against my cheek.

"Fine." He sighed, still stroking his cock, his breathing getting heavier. "You smell like sex and sweat and, well, _you_ , and I can't help it." I let my cum covered fingers trace circles into his back, and let my legs wrap around his back again.

"You're like an animal, Tordy."

"Haven't _ah..._ heard that name in a while." He rasped.

He was panting, now kissing the area connecting my neck and collarbone.

"Shit, T-Tom I'm...about to... _faen_ ~."

My legs wrapped tighter.

"I got you, baby."

I received another moan in return. I turned my head and watched the muscles in his strong arms tense up. I noticed the way the sweat dripped down his back. I could feel his heart beating from where my hands were on his back. This beautiful creature above me, so wonderful, desperately close to reaching his orgasm. I turned my head, bit his ear and whispered:

"I love you, elskede."

He threw his head back and let out a gaspy noise, sounding an awful lot like my name, that sent my spine shivering. I watched his facial expression and felt a large feeling of pride and accomplishment. I felt his hot cum pour onto my stomach. His groans and heavy pants bouncing off the walls as he milked his cock.

"Oh _sssshit, yes_." He moaned. Tord's head turned down to look at me, attacking my face with small butterfly kisses. "Thank you, thank you, _god that felt good_." He turned his head to give me one last kiss on the lips. Passionate and real and dripping with emotion. We pulled apart and looked at each other.

He plopped down onto me, much to my discomfort.

"Tord." I groaned, tapping his shoulder. "C'mon big guy. Get up."

"Nah. I'm good here. This is much more comfy."

" _Tord_!"

"Yes?"

"Get up!"

"You're going to have to understand that this is my new nesting grounds, darling. Get used to it."

I strained my shoulder, but eventually had my hand close enough to slap his ass. He gave a small moan.

"How kinky. We'll hafta' do that one day, huh?"

"Dammit Tord." I sighed, but grinned. I had given up on it and just leaned my head back and relaxed.

He giggled at my defeat and rolled over to the side of the bed. I was exposed, with nothing covering me in any way shape or form. The blanket was tossed over the bed. I felt too tired to care, so I just took my finger and mixed our two cum spots together on my belly.

"Tom," Tord mumbled. "What are you doing."

"I guess I like to think of our two ejaculate samples mixing together. It makes for a nice sound and nice thought." I was trying to gross him out, because I think I'm funny. However, Tord huffed and flipped me over to where he was spooning me.

"Don't say shit like that. It'll get me turned on again." My eyes widened.

"That turns you on? Weird, but I can dig it." I snuggled deeper into the pillow and closer against his chest. I felt comfortable and warm and loved, and so goddamn happy. All I've been feeling was happiness, recently, probably because of Tord.

"Okay so, one question."

I felt his chin rest on top of my head turn down a bit.

"Okay, what." I mumbled.

"Since when do you know Norwegian?"

I smirked.

"That's a story for another time, dude."

"But, _bro._ "

"What is it, homie?"

"We're _bros_ , we tell each other things."

I shifted around to look at him, fake surprise on my face.

" _Bro_..."

We stared at each other for a good three seconds before we started laughing. It started out as quiet giggling, but quickly morphed to gasping for breath every so often. His face nuzzled into my hair when I turned back around, still giggling.

The comfortable silence between us drifted on. The sun was low in the sky, about five in the afternoon, I would say. The distant cars were heard, lulling me into sleep. The warm and soft bed was just what I needed.

For once, I felt completely safe.

As I drifting between the soothing state of consciousness, I felt a thick blanket being brought over us, a hand wiping off the cum on my tummy. I heard Tord kiss my head and whisper:

"I love you, more than you'll ever know. No matter what happens, you will always, always be my star and moon and all in between."

He kissed my head until I fell asleep.

My boyfriend gives mind blowing orgasms and treats me like royalty.

Keep it in your pants, girls.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite thing, like, ever, is the whole "bro, no Homo, but I love you" concept. I mean like, grade A hilarity content, amirite?
> 
> So what would you do if you had a guy like Tordy? I bet he really gets the Niagra Falls flowing down there iF yoU KnOW WhAT I MEaN. Just fucking with you, I'm gay.
> 
> Okie bai


	15. Mama Mia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wowie, two sexual songs in a row, how bout dah. A short chapter, but I was inspired by listening to ABBA, sooo...who else here likes Mama Mia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still fucking sick.

"H-Harder, _please_ ~"

He was writhing under me, mewling and moaning for me. Only for me.

" _Fuuu-_ more, I want _more_ ~"

The way his lashes fluttered, his cute little pink tongue stuck out, dribbling saliva from it's tip, his eyes scrunched up from the pleasure I was giving him, all of it was dragging me to the brink of nirvana, absolute bliss.

His warm thighs wrapped around me, squeezing me and drawing me closer to his sweet warmth. I plunged myself deeper and deeper, letting myself be too happy.

I felt one with him.

His soft, thick hair plastered to him with sweat. The gasps for breath, for air currently being pounded out of him. His whimpers and begs for more, god _more_. I was more than ready to give it to him, to give him everything.

I could feel every thump of his heart, every breath he took, every twitch of his legs around me. His arms were around me. His back was arched, head thrown back. I could only stare at him and his pure perfection.

The noises, oh _fuck_ those beautiful noises, so filled with lust and love and want and need. Drowning me in pride. I was the one giving him this, no one else could have him like me.

The pretty marks and bites that littered his neck and shoulders and chest, they were mine. Every scratch he gave me, every cry of pleasure, they were mine. I made him this way.

I was suffocating, this feeling of complete and utter dedication and love. No, love wasn't the right word. I give him more, gazing at his face.

What is this emotion called, I wonder? A particularly hard thrust leaves his toes curling into the backs of my legs and his nail scratching down my shoulder blades, making it hurt so good. Devotion? Adoration? Complete endearment? All very true, but not what I was going for.

They all lack the passion. To where I could say them, and you already knew how much I loved him. One word that already told you how many of my waking hours I have thought of him. One word to already show what the thought of him can bring me to, whether it be hopeless tears, monstrous rage, furious envy, or hungry orgasm. I leaned down and licked one of the marks on his neck, nursing it.

He threw his head to the side and allowed me to lap up the small droplets of blood peeking out. I had gone a little overboard with this one, but he didn't seem to care. In fact, he welcomed the pain, making him tremble and crumble from my very touch.

I pulled back and tried to identify the word. Now that it's on my mind, I simply must have an answer.

I noticed a drop of sweat fall into his chest, sliding down. I watched as it came go a halt around his nipple, encircling it, hard and swollen. I gulped as another drop landed in the concave of his throat.

All I could think was the word "angel" as I looked at him.

His pale face, illuminated by the candy red blush. His every sound and breath and movement. The sinful way he twisted his hips and gave small bounces back as he tried to gain more. The delicious bobbing of his hard cock between us, dribbling cum onto his soft, small, adorable belly.

Even his cute little ears, adorned with piercings. Even his small little fingers, so eager to please others. Even his little nose, how cute the tip was and how it reminded me of an elf.

How sweet he was, how he cared so much that it tore himself apart every second. How he won't let anyone in. How he deals with problems and struggles that would make a psychologist shudder, and deals with it all on his own. So strong, so perfect.

My angel.

I was going to cum, the tight, eager hole drawing me in and giving me the ticket to insanity, the way it gave me that delicious friction and wet warmth that made me shiver and groan his name.

And it all felt so good. He was so close and ridden with pleasure, and every noise he made, every facial expression only proved it.

I wanted to warn him, that this was going to be over soon. That the hot barrier around us that protected us from the world was about to crumble with a single thrust. But he only moved his hand to my cheek and whispered for me to let go. A sharing of words only lovers know. But we weren't lovers, we deserved something more than that. Like soulmates or something along those lines.

I moved my hand around his length, feeling the pulsing heat. He threw the arm connected to his hand, that was on my face, now across his, covering his eyes as he let out another moan that made my whole self shiver. He was above me in so many ways, and he was just letting me give him this, to touch and feel him. What a gift.

I felt like a slave to a king. Perfection soiled by a filthy peasant, but royalty cared little. The slave felt thankful and merciful and gazed in awe at the king, wanting to nothing more than protect the king with his life.

I moved my hand up and down his member. The heat radiating from it nearly burned my hand.

"So _good_ , baby, so _close_ ~"

I wanted to emerge myself in the place of euphoria, to put both of us in pure ecstasy. I moved harder and faster and let out a muffled whimper of his name.

We were so close, so fucking close and it felt so good that we didn't care about anyone else. It was about him and my infatuation with him.

He pulled my hair, a shock of divine elation pulsed through my body. I was so ready for the sweet taste of paradise to parade through me. I was so ready to pound him to rapture and watch his body in the throws of pleasure. To hear him.

Then, the build up to orgasms most anyone knows took over our bodies. The build up that was nothing but pleasure, when you had the wonderful knowledge of what was about to hit you in all the right spots.

He ran a hand all over my back, then squeezed my arm. The arm over his face slid up to his hair, giving me the gift of watching him just as he peaked. We were right on the brink, about to feel so good, just about to tip over-

Then I woke up.

My eyes shot open.

I was in my own bed, drenched in sweat, with a raging hard-on. I slowly sat up and tried to blink away the sleep, adjusting to darkness and trying to assess what to do in this situation.

Like I do every time with these dreams, I would masturbate, letting go of the built up tension. But, the only problem was, if I turned my head-

Yep, there he was. The object of my affections, the shining sun in my life, my one true love, curled up facing me on my bed. Asleep, yes, but still.

I was still panting. My heart beating fast, refusing to slow down. I wanted more than anything to just shove my hands down my pants and have at it, but out of fear of him waking up, I decided to just sit there and awkwardly stare at him, catching my breath. Well, I don't understand why it would be weird for him to wake up and see me. It shouldn't be weird. I know that when I caught him jerking off that one time, I felt like I should've done a ritual of gratitude to ensure that it would happen again.

To catch him again in a vulnerable position like that, relying on his own skilled hands and imagination to give himself the pleasure he so craved...would be utter perfection. But if the roles were reversed? Never in hell would I let him see me. Was it because it's different now? I felt almost guilty. I have him, what do I need my hands for?

I felt him shift and let out a small sigh, snuggling deeper into the pillow. I couldn't just wake him up, asking him to jump on my dick. Look at how cute he is, his eyes all scrunched up, fists clasped so tight, his cheeks bunched up. Those tiny breaths he took, absolutely adorable.

I let my head hit the pillow, deciding to deal with my erection by plain out ignoring it. Why did I have to wake up? I couldn't have just cum in my sleep, letting the dream do the work for me. Dammit, subconscious.

I turned over and watched him. He did this thing when he was asleep that was precious. He would draw his knees to his chest like a fetus, then curl his arms into himself too. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him silly, listen to his angry protests of waking him up.

Suddenly he slid his arms under his pillow to readjust himself, his head still turned to me. This wasn't too big of deal, as people generally move around when they sleep.

But as he was moving, he mumbled a soft:

" _Mama Mia....here I go again..._ "

I bit my lip and watched him. He mumbled song lyrics in his sleep nearly every night, and my heart thumped in my throat as he nuzzled deeper into the pillow while he whispered the Mama Mia lyrics. A smile was forming in my face before I could help it.

" _My my...how could I forget 'cha._ "

After that, he was silent for a while, the soft breaths punctuating the silence.

I reached my finger out to push some hair out of his face. Grinning like an idiot.

" _Mama Mia_..." I whispered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay so last chapter I wanted them to fuck, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Sorry, I tried to make it as romantic as possible. I wanted a Tord Pov, so...yah.
> 
> But don't you all fret, Edd is coming home soon and it's gonna be gREaT.


	16. SNAPPLE (nOT A CHAPTER)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK

GUYS

THERE IS A NEW FLAVOR

IT IS MANGO

I DONT EVEN LIKE MANGO

BUT I

DONT CARE

FUCK

IM UPDATING TOMORROW AT LIKE 7

BUT ANYWAY

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE A WEEK

ANYWAY

IM FREKING OUT I JUST SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THE COMMERCIAL AND NOW IM DRIVING TO THE NEAREST 711

WISH ME LUCK GUYS


	17. I tried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for ma girl mADDIE. Basically Tord bottoms and gets jealous and weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story okay so I went to 711 got THE Snapple right? Okay my friend works there and he gave it to me for free and I was like "I'm all about thAT life" but then I stayed there and talked to him for the rest of the night. And yesterday I had shit to do. So yah. I'm sorry for false advertising 8(

" _Hey Tom!"_

"Sup, Eddie."

I took another bite out of my sandwich.

" _How goes it, oh blessed bro of mine?"_

I snorted, a gross trail of mayo-saliva sliding down my chin.

"Well," I mumbled, unsure of what to say as I searched for a napkin of some sort. "I'm fine, I guess."

It's been a day or two more than a week, though it feels longer. So much has happened this week, it made it feel like a month. I haven't really kept up with Edd as I usually would, and I feel that pretending as if nothing has happened would work best. Not that I know what to say to him, nonetheless discuss.

Edd may be my best friend, but he doesn't know that Tord and I are together yet. I haven't told him. He'd be happy, I'm sure, but I still don't want him to know. _Ridiculous_ , I think, succeeding in the search of a napkin. But I still feel connected to him, as if there's a string drawing me to him that won't let me leave. It's so hard to explain, or try to rationalize in any way, but I feel like I should apologize to him, that I'm sorry for never giving him what he's given me. I owed him something for always being my...number one guy, I suppose. That was my thought process.

_"Yeah? How are you and Tord doing at the house?"_ He asked. " _I swear upon the seas, Tom, if I find a removed liver in my kitchen_..."

I gave a nervous laugh, then picked at a piece of turkey.

"No, sorry to disappoint. There will be no dismembered limbs or organs or anything of the sort. We're doing...pretty well, actually."

_"Yeah? Never thought I'd see the day."_

God, it sucked the leakiest of all ass that I couldn't tell him. I don't like keeping things from Edd. It's so stupid. Why can't I just communicate with him? I don't owe him anything but my friendship, right? This is unhealthy, damn it.

"So," I sighed, trying to change the topic. "How's the trip with Matt?"

" _Absolute perfection! But I think we're heading back...tomorrow? I might be wrong, I'll check with Matt at some point."_

I'm not too sure how I feel about that.

Of course, they're still my friends. But I...I don't know why this is weird. We've been living with each other for years. I'm just a little weird about introducing him as my boyfriend.

God, boyfriend sounds so official. It's as if I'm an adult or something.

At that thought, I give a snort. I'm twenty-two, I've slept with more people then I can count, but I don't recall ever having a single boyfriend.

Whatever, point is that it'd be weird. Am I overthinking this? Honestly, what could happen. I can't exactly answer as to what I think will go wrong, but I mean, c'mon. It's my life, things are going to go wrong.

I'm probably just nervous. I don't want to screw this up. I love Tord. I love him so much, and I don't know the rules of boyfriend-hood. Like, what if I show more affection than is comfortable for him in public? What if it's too little? What if I say something that embarrasses him, than he gets mad at me? I don't know.

Edd is telling me something. As I listen in, I assume it's a story about what they did. I feel a tad guilty for not listening. Would I like it if I was telling a story, and the other person wasn't listening?

Then all of a sudden.

Oh.

Oh my god.

I dropped my sandwich. The turkey bits had been scattered about my plate, and the stress of this new thought weighed down on me.

He does love me, right? He's not just using me, playing with my emotions, right?

" _Tom_?"

I gulped.

"Yeah, what."

There was silence on his end, then:

_"Should I...call back later?"_

Oh god, I'm so stupid.

"No!" I said, shifting in my chair. "No, I just...thought I saw something, sorry."

Here I was, neglecting him and worrying over stupid shit. Why was I even worrying about this? I should just tell him. Just fucking tell him.

" _Okay, well, I'm gonna go. But I'll see you tomorrow!_ " He said.

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

_"Bye, Tom."_

As I set down the phone, my mind flashed back to the morning before I had confessed to Tord.

" **Do you enjoy taking advantage of the people who care about you? Is it fun to watch them hurt?** "

I shivered. He was saying that out of spite and anger. He didn't mean it, I tell myself, but I still can't help but wonder if it wasn't true.

I don't take delight out of antagonizing others, but I sure do seem to unconsciously do it a lot. I always find a way to make others mad at me. So stupid.

"Was that Edd?"

I peeked behind my shoulder, and saw Tord leaning against the doorway, clad in a rolled-up plaid shirt.

"Yeah. I haven't talked to him in a while. I mean we text but..."

I trailed off. Something about the way he was staring at me said that he wasn't too happy about it.

"Cool, I guess." He muttered, striding over to the counter. I left the meat out, I suppose, and he began to put it away.

"What did he want?"

"Hm?" I hummed. He seemed a little upset. Worry clouded my senses as I saw him snap around to look at me.

"You could just talk to me."

"Yah, but-"

"I am right here."

I bit my lip, by brow furrowing. Was he mad or something? I cleared my throat.

"Uh, yes, but I talk to you everyday. He's my best friend."

He scoffed.

To say that I was a little irritated was an understatement. What was the matter?

Silence filled the room, only replaced periodically with small zips and his feet against the floor.

I rolled my eyes and went back to worrying. I guess telling Edd and Matt wouldn't be that big a deal. There's no reason not to. Maybe Edd went through the same thing when he started dating Matt. Obviously, that would imply that he had crippling anxiety and a serious case of codependency, which he does not. Yeah, I'll just tell him later.

I gave a small smile. I loved it when I dealt with my problems.

Tord gave a huff, then turned back around to me.

"So, you still like Edd, and you're just going dating me out of pure pity, is that it?"

And, fancy that, another fucking problem.

My eyes widened. I didn't like his voice like that. I've heard him yell at me in the past. This, however, had meaning behind it. There was venom and menace, and it had me scared.

But I'm not scared of him, dammit.

"No, Tord. I don't know how many times I need to explain what happened, but you have to understand that I will never like him in that way."

Tord's eyes were what was scaring me. I was used to the playful spark, or the lustful gaze, or the wonderful and tender glimmer of love. I decided that I don't like his eyes like this, this hateful, sharp, cold stare that made me....I don't even know. I wasn't scared, more like unfamiliar with it.

Tord ran a hand through his hair, giving an annoyed sigh.

"See, you keep saying that, but then I hear you talk to him." He was mad at me. This information didn't sit well with me. I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness. I didn't like him this way. Guilt rushed through my being. Guilt of what? I have no idea.

I was puzzled. So far, I gathered that he believed I was in love with Edd, only using him for sex. Honestly, I don't blame Tord. But then again, he knows that I belong to him. I've told him repeatedly about my love for him and him only. Tord didn't seem to get it, I guess. Here he was, acting this way out of...what? Jealousy? Why is he jealous?

"Tord." I said calmly. "He lives here with us. I'm going to talk to him at certain points in time."

He was still glaring at me.

I think it would have hurt less if he just plain out stabbed me.

I can't make up for how I treated him before we were together, and now I guess I'm paying the price for that.

I stood up, shivering slightly as his eyes narrowed. I took a deep breath and made my way over to him.

He really was a powerful guy.

He was a whole head taller than me. He has these broad shoulders, and strong arms like steel. He's always had an athletic body type. To any guy, that on its own is already intimidating. Those eyes, that jaw, that mouth, now pursed. He could easily knock me out. Kill me, even.

His aura gives off a sense of utter and compete domination. His sharp intellect, his charm and charisma, and his deep voice give off this sense of superiority. That we are inferior to him. He was power, in a way.

It really made me think if he was always like this.

I hesitantly reached out a slightly trembling hand, placing it on his cheek. He flinched. His gaze never left mine. It was as if he was trying to say something with those beautiful, dangerous eyes.

His eyes closed, and he leaned into my touch. I let out a sigh of relief, running my thumb over his lips. So soft...

Tord stepped forward and suddenly wrapped his arms around me, his warm body enveloping mine. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his hard chest. His heartbeat pounding in my ear. I pressed myself against him as much as I could. I loved him, no matter what.

I felt his head turn to me and mutter a soft apology. I shook my head, dismissing it, and found a way to nuzzle even harder into him. I tilted my head up a bit, my forehead brushing his chin. The arms around me were unyielding and sweet, making me feel loved and safe.

He pulled back and stared at me again. Gone were the once angry eyes, now replaced with a loving, caring look. It's amazing what can happen when the lids on his eyes are adjusted.

"Tom.." he breathed. "I'm sorry."

I honestly wasn't mad. A little irritated, but I don't think he did anything I wouldn't do.

"It's fine, love." I felt the tremor flow down in his spine at the term of endearment. The way he was hugging me, I was reminded of myself, how I would squeeze and try to wrap around as much of someone as possible. How I would bury my head into their neck to avoid embarrassment, all because I was...

Insecure.

I wonder, as I stroked his back, why a guy like him would ever be insecure. So handsome, so strong and sweet.

It made a guy wonder what his childhood was like.

I rubbed my hands up his back, along his spine, and to his hair. I felt him shiver, letting out a shaky breath in my ear. His hair was so soft and fluffy, it felt so nice to touch. He was like a big cat, sometimes, especially with the way he was making small noises in his throat. Like a purr.

My fingers were brushing against his scalp, drumming gentle beats. It felt nice, to be honest. He was usually the one who held me. It felt nearly as pleasurable as when I was the one getting pet and rubbed. He was nuzzling my ear, making soft sounds that gave me nothing but pure comfort.

I leaned forward a bit, causing him to lean back more against the counter. As peaceful and serene as this was, I felt a lump against the top of my thigh. I wanted to say something to him, but he seemed to notice my slight pause.

"S-Sorry. I, uh..."

I brought a hand to his lips.

" _Sssssh_. It's _fine_." I whispered into his ear. His grip tightened on my back.

I leaned forward a tad more and gently gave him a kiss. It was kind of like the first time. Warm lips against my cold ones, completing me in both literal and figurative senses. Moving along each other, giving small nods to gain more. So soft, so warm, so _wonderful_.

The way this was headed, I could feel arousal taking control of my body. My heart was beating faster, lungs pumping heard for breath, legs unconsciously closing together. I kept both hands on his chest. Tord's hands were trembling.

"T-Tom-" he rasped. I started kissing down his body, unbuttoning his shirt. "You...we don't...it's totally fine, I mean-"

"Lemme' do this for you." I mumbled. "But uh, if you wanna help with the buttons, that'd be completely fine." I murmured. He gave a small laugh, then adjusted himself to undo them.

I always did love how his chest looked, my god.

Kissing down his abdomen, giving nips here and there, licking the sensitive area above his pelvis. I watched through eyelashes as he restrained himself from bucking his hips, his hands on either side of him, turning white against the counter top. He was so pretty, his head tossed back, eyes shut, lips bitten, a beautiful blush coating his cheeks. So pretty, so lovely and handsome, so perfect.

I slid his pants down, watching as his dick bobbed back up, a bead of pre cum dripping down. I gulped.

He was watching me now. His eyes were hazy and glazed, those pretty eyes giving me a look that pulsed arousal through my body, tingling with arousal and pleasure.  
  
A breath escaped my lips, then suddenly I was licking down the side. I heard a quick curse above me. He tasted good, as I thought he would. Such a pretty cock, too. I was mouthing the base of it, hearing his quickened breaths above me.

" _Sh_ - _Shit_ ~" he gasped. My eyes never left his face, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, the way his knuckles fidgeted and twitched.

I could feel my fingers itch to reach down into my pants, stroke along to his moans and body. However, I felt as though this meant something. Putting his pleasure first, humbling myself.

My mouth came up the head, tasting the bitter white saltiness that pooled down the sides, lapping it all up. Hands came up to his hipbones. I felt the indents there, and pressed.

He really was beautiful.

I decided I had tortured him long enough. I held his hips down and slowly lowered my head onto his pulsing cock, encasing it with my mouth. When I looked up, he was wide eyed and drooling.

"Aren't you p-pushin' yourself a... _shit_ , a bit? Isn't it t-too much?" He panted.

The fact that he was worried about me during this was absolutely adorable.

I pulled off of his dick, receiving a cute whine from him. I gazed at him through my eyelashes, taking a moment to lick a bulging vein.

"Oh, darling," I mused. "I don't have a gag reflex." He sat completely up.

"A-Are you serious?" He looked so happy, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yes, love. Now shush."

And with that, I took him down with one move.

He let out a desperate moan, clawing at my hair.

"Shhhit, Tom, _yes_ ~"

I couldn't stop looking at him. He looked so cute, so desperate, and I was the one giving him this. I was soaking in pride and when he threw his head back at a particularly hard suck.

My head was bobbing up and down. Cock always had a soothing effect on me. I suspect my slight oral fixation had something to do with it.

I haven't had a dick in my mouth since last month. I have been dealing with this by sucking on my fingers when I was asleep, and I have been terrified that Tord would see me. But damn, one month. It may not seem that long ago, but to me, I worried that I'd be out of practice.

Tord didn't seem to mind at all, what with the way he was moaning like that. And fuck, was he moaning. I didn't know it would take so much self control to just avoid my erection. It seems so simple from an outsider's point of view, just don't do it. But oh god, I just wanted to touch myself.

A thought popped into my head.

I've never really seen Tord as the submissive type, but here he is. Writhing and moaning and gasping for air, looking so vulnerable. It put a fire in me. I was determined to give him what he gives me. He could always make me feel nothing but ecstasy, and the thought that I could give him the same experience would be absolutely amazing.

I love him, and I only want to make him feel as good as possible.

I pulled off his dick. Above me, Tord let out a shuddering breath.

"W-Why'd ya...why'd ya s-stop?" He groaned. I stood up, pecking his cheek and stroking him with my hands.

I was pretty excited for this.

"Have you,"I kissed his ear. "Ever considered," I licked the inner shell of it, his hips thrusting up. "Bottoming?"

He stopped moving.

"I-hell no." He panted. "No i-it's not happening."

"Why not? I bet I could make you feel really good."

"I'm sure you can. The problem is, you would be making me feel wonderful while simultaneously terminating my pride."

"I've topped before."

He paused.

"...you have?"

I nodded, trying to figure out what was keeping him from just saying yes.

"Yes," I whispered. "And I have never received a complaint."

He was silent.

I leaned back, puzzling over his expression. He looked like he was fighting an internal battle. His eyebrows furrowed, lip bitten, looking generally confused. It was pretty adorable.

He quickly shook his head, then pulled me in for a kiss. As we broke apart, I heard something along the lines of 'might as well ride the bandwagon' to which I replied that it was a good idea.

He gave me another kiss, then sat back and leaned against the wall. He seemed nervous. I wanted to reassure him of how beautiful he really was, but I couldn't stop looking at the presentation I was beholding. I didn't know how hot this could really be.

I felt ready to pound into him, but I of course was reminded of the one sacramental factor to this whole activity.

Lube.

Where the fuck was I going to find lube.

Tord seemed to notice my distress.

"Having trouble there, Ranger Rick?"

I turned to him.

"Yes, we need lube."

He didn't comprehend what I had said, responding by blinking absently. Then he seemed to understand, as his eyes widened and his legs closed.

"Wait, shit, yeah I forgot about that."

I rolled my eyes and looked around.

"We could, uh," I muttered. "Use glue?"

He snorted.

"Like hell is that happening. I'm letting you in here for five minutes, not five weeks." I raised an eyebrow.

"What makes you think that this'll take five minutes? Why not longer?"

He lazily stroked his cock and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

"Knowing you, you'll cum in a minute flat. I was being generous by giving you five." He opened on eye to see my shocked, masculinity-challenged facial expression. "You cum within about ten minutes from me, imagine what it'd be like to be in my tight ass."

"I think that's based on technique rather than stamina, Tord."

"And who said I wouldn't be cumming with you? I never said you couldn't make me cum."

I gulped. There was something about the way the word 'cum' flows off his tongue, candied in that delicious accent of his, that made my arousal twitch.

He sighed.

"Or you could just, y'know, stop being a lazy ass and go get it yourself."

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
I was wrong about one thing.

He didn't look cute beneath me.

He looked drop-dead sexy.

We had migrated over to the couch, as gross as it is, given that it is a communal space. I didn't really care though. I had gone upstairs to grab the lube, trying to tame my frustration at the lack of accessibility.

There may or may not be emptied drawers all over the floor. Who's to say.

But as I said, I had found it. And because of that, I was balls deep in Tord. A worthy sacrifice, I believe.

I guess I'm also wrong about another thing. I had expected that this experience would be for the benefit of him as well as me. That seeing him in a position like that would be engraved in my mind for a long time, and it would be fantastic.

But as I thrust into him, listening to him and watching him, I find that I am far too selfish to keep him to myself.

His body is beautiful the way a sword or any instrument of pure purpose must be: graceful, deadly, thrumming with intent. Like it when he lies back like this, ribcage heaving, lips wet and open as he breathes, and fuck isn't it something that he's like this? So beautiful. I could feel the rings of muscle tense and then relax, accepting.  Warm and slick and tight and his face is the shade of wild roses, pink and flushing. 

The heels of his feet digging into my hips, his cock flushed and dripping wet against his stomach. He is turned to a pillow, half-heartedly biting it. His jaw is slack, his body is laid out, all mine to touch and kiss and fuck, he's just...divine. I want to make him forget everything but this, the way it feels to be fucked nice and slow and easy and belong to me.  Forget how to do anything but wrap his legs around my waist and urge him closer.

He makes a soft lovely noise in the back of his throat and pants, eyes half-shut, for breath; it wrenches at my arousal in a whole new way. The little hitch of wide-eyed awe when I press on his prostate, slow and teasing. The way his mouth trembles and his adam's apple bobs in his throat. Looking up at me like I discovered electricity and nuclear fusion.

I haven't topped in so long. It always felt amazing when he made love to me, absolutely mind-blowing. They were equivalent in emotions, but different in experiences. He must never bottom or something because fuck. He feels amazing, and the noises he makes are perfect and I have a hard time not cumming.

I was anxious at first. I had worried that he'd only get off by direct stimulation. But here he was, gasping out small phrases in what could only be Norwegian.

"F-Fuck, Tord." I stuttered. He gave a small whimper. "When's the last time you bottomed out, fuck, you're _tight_..."

He fluttered his eyelashes.

"I-I...only you, _shit_ , only you, baby."

Now there's an interesting statement. It made me feel special, like he only trusted me with giving him this.

"Only mmme, huh?" I panted. "Why's that?" I could feel my climax approaching.

"I-I-I" Then he moaned, throwing his head back. "I don't know... _shit_ ~ _Tom_!~ I'm so _close_ , oh _fuck_!~"

He looked so hot like this, eyes all scrunched up like that. I loved this. I loved that he was letting me love him like this. And I was so close. I could feel everything in my body start to seize up from pleasure., but I wanted him to cum first. I wanted to put someone else before my selfish ass for once.

Dragging him through wave after wave of hot, liquid need, pushing in and drawing back only to return, here and solid. The place where I own him the most, and I am so careful, to make him buck and mewl and cry with how good it feels, brushing off anything else. Make him see how lovely he is. 

Drowsy and dreamlike, reaching between our stomachs and feeling the mess of pre-ejaculate, sliding it around his stomach, wrapping my hand around him and rubbing my thumb tenderly against the dripping tip.  On another plane of reality.  Lost in the rhythm of in, out, in, harder, more.  Good and mine and perfect.

And look at him just taking it. It does a number on my libido when I can put someone as strong and powerful as Tord in this state.

"Cum for me, baby."

He surged up, letting out a silent scream and gripping the sheets so tight. The paroxysms, the way his whole body surrenders, toes curling, everything drowned in pleasure.  How he clamps down around me impossibly tight and the muscles ripple, holding me in.  Bodies inseparable, wedded at every joint.

I climax in every sense of the word.

Burning hot, dancing on the edge of pain from the way he keeps tightening out of sensitivity, but it's good. _So_ good. He's lying there, watching me, catching his breath with eyes half-lidded. It reduces me to jello and Iet go and just feel.

I come down from my high. The afterglow might just be the best part. Silence, unspoken words through gentle rubbing and kissing, the small tingles of pleasure that float up my spine.

I slowly pull out of him, watching to see his face. Oversensitivity has always been a kink of mine. His face scrunched up, bucking slightly when I'm out. I watch as my cum flows out, feeling pride like nothing before.

I lean down to lap up his cum, the bitterness ignored by the pure knowledge that I made him orgasm like that. I feel his muscles shift, he was on his elbows watching me.

"T-Tom," He was breathless. "You don't have to...to do that."

"Tastes good, and someone had to clean it."

His eyes roll into the back of his head, letting out a low groan as he fell back. I giggled, giving his head a small lick (to which he moaned again) then sat up.

"I can't believe I let you do that to me..."he said, muffled from behind his hands.

"What's so bad about it?" I hummed, kissing my way up to his hands.

"I just...let you see that, and it just makes me feel..." he trailed off, removing his hands and turning his blushing face to the side.

"...makes you feel?"

He was quiet.

The warm, fuzzy feeling of sex had left the room, now replaced with worry. It was fine, I just felt bad. I didn't pressure him into anything, did I?

"Vulnerable, I guess" His whispered words awoke me from my anxiety. Why would he feel like that? He's the best I've ever had, as a top and bottom. He was sexy, smart, funny, sweet, and perfect in every way. What was there to feel vulnerable and weak?

I decided not to push him on the subject as I kissed his forehead.

"You were amazing." I purred. "Thank you for doing that."

He huffed a sigh, then wrapped his arms around me.

"It's fine. It was... _Christ_ , it was fucking good." He closed his eyes, smiling warmly.

And with that the phone rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I tried. I don't know if I did too well or if I should've done it in Tord's pov but I tried sorry.
> 
> Also this Snapple is g o o d


	18. Quadruple porn chapter in a rOW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been like a week. Edd's coming in the next chapter so buckle up, my sweet buttercups. Anyway, Tord has an internal meltdown which leads him to be...horny?? Idk I can't write for shit. Enjoy, milk cartons.

What have I done.

What have I _done_.

The familiar stream of regret washed over me.

And, along with the phone's sudden blast of music, I got up and left.

Tom seemed confused from the brief glance I gave him, filling me with guilt. I know that NSYNC song, and I know whose contact Tom had assigned it to. As much as I love and adore Edd, I feel as if I should really tell him to really back the fuck off.

Well that's just possessive, I inwardly scold. But, it'd be okay if Tom was little clingy once in a while. My hands were on the handle of my door. I had briefly paused turning it in order to sort out my thoughts like a somewhat healthy human being.

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

I could hear Tom's voice echo from the living room. He sounded happy. I sighed. Every time they talk, it makes me feel angry and guilty. Guilty for being mad, for being sad, for being so damn clingy and obsessive. I'm so _damn_ in love wth him, and I wish I could be a normal person and love someone normally, with an appropriate amount of co-dependence and a healthy amount of love.

But then he smiles, damn it. He laughs and smiles and he lights up and then everything fades out. He radiates this light that just makes me fall to my knees, fall to the ground and just hate myself. He is far too good for me. He is far too good to me, far too above me in ways I couldn't dream of besting. I see that smile and I want to keep it, to lock it up forever, to let no one see it but myself. That smile is for me, and god forbid if anyone else could make him happy.

It was terrible of me, and it only led me down this continuous path of self-hatred. I'm so selfish.

Edd is only half the reason I don't trust Tom. Tom claims he loves me, and that thrill, that rush absolutely knocks me out. I feel as if I could hold the world in my hands. The thought that _he_ loves _me_ , that's something.

I don't believe him, of course. He's going to wake up and rightly realize how fucked I am, that he could do so much better than me. It's going to break my heart and leave me stranded. It'll tear me from the inside and leave me as only a hollow shell. I'll be depressed, empty, angry.

But never angry at him.

Oh god, but I know that day will come soon. He's going to see how better someone else is for him. Especially now that he's seen me in that....position.

I felt so vulnerable during all that. He had seen me like that, and all I can think about is what he's thinking. I probably sounded weird. Or looked weird, for that matter. I wasn't in control and it terrified me. I had let go of myself and melted into the pleasure. Who knows what I did or said?

And now I just sealed my fate. He's seen me at my weakest. He's obviously going to leave. What have I done....

It's only been a week, too.

I shake my head and open the door. The familiar scent of me hitting my nose in a pleasant and comforting way.

I had a flashback to when I had led Tom up to my room. He was so cute when he saw it, all pouty and flustered. He comes up with the weirdest ideas, though. But I honestly wouldn't blame him. I'm pretty kinky.

I remember when I had practically taken him apart on my bed, spreading him open and licking him. He was tantalizing to me, so sinful and sexy and beautiful. He was letting out those succulent moans, where I had ground down on the bed, trying to get friction.

He was beautiful and perfect and all I can think about is why I let him see me in the submissive position. What had come over me? Curiosity? I could've easily just pushed him off me, flipping us over and pinning him to the counter. I could've instead enjoyed his shocked expression, especially when I nearly devoured him with a kiss.

I shut the door behind me, falling back onto its cool frame. I should've just kissed him, let my mouth open to which he would let his tongue drift out. We'd be so close and hot, heat radiating between us. Sweat already dripping off of each other. I could've ground down onto his torso, and he'd have opened his mouth to let out a one of those moans.

I closed my eyes. Why the fuck was I thinking about that now? I flopped down onto my bed, feeling as guilty as possible. For what? Fuck do I know anymore. I feel as if I can't do anything right. All I do is drown in self-pity these days.

I would've let my tongue slip out as well. They'd press against each other, drool dripping from our mouths, only making it dirtier. He would be grinding on me, weakly bucking his hips to gain something. He'd be desperate and flushed and gasping for breath and it'd be so beautiful to look at.

Then he would flip me over again.

I stopped biting my lip, which I had apparently been unconsciously doing. I sat up and arranged myself at the foot of the bed. Now why would that thought pop up? Did I or did I not just finish explaining why I hated that I ever let him do that?

....

Well

....

I mean, I can't say completely I hated it.

I frowned. Of course I hated it! It was a bad decision and all it did was bring this relationship closer to an end! With my overbearing nature, it was never going to last anyway.

But oh, it felt good. He had pressed against every spot, every area that was just so right. He touched everything I had hoped. I was expecting an inexperienced, clumsy but cute top. He said he topped before, though. I had only assumed that they had let him do it simply because he asked. I had thought he wouldn't be that good, but I sure as hell got proved wrong.

Boy was I wrong. I guess I've always pictured him as a submissive.

He had, in every sense of the phrase, made love to me. There was passion and heat and utter connection and it felt so good. So perfectly good. And it seems as if he was gifted in everything and anything. He had worked me up, exploiting me to pleasures I had never felt before.

I remembered his face when he was inside me. It was concentrated, focused, flushed but determined. After a minute, however, his face morphed into one that resembled a pornstar. His mouth slightly open letting out soft moans, his eyes half-lidded and glazed over. I had watched his muscles tighten with each thrust, and it did nothing but push me to the edge.

I came back to reality and noticed that I was still naked. His cum was still in me, causing a surge of arrousal to overtake my senses. I leaned my head back, letting my hand run down my chest, down my abdomen, and between my thighs.

There was still cum. It had dripped down my legs. Still hot, still wet, still his cum and it made me moan with just the idea that it was touching me. That it was partly in me. I slid my fingers around, listening to the squelching.

I wanted to laugh. If I ever saw this from a second perspective, I'd say it was creepy, it was super weird. Get off like a normal person, you obsessive freak.

On the other hand, I couldn't help but wonder whether or not I should eat it.

Just imagining that made my mouth water. I spit in my other hand, letting it slide down to my erection. I stroke it, and it feels so good. Like heated pads are kissing my nerves, giving off a sweet euphoric glow. The blessed feeling of nirvana was a welcomed one.

It feels better when I let my imagination wonder.

Before I began this apparent session, two things had to take place. Number one, was Tom still talking to Edd? It was no kink of mine to be caught while in the self-induced throws of pleasure.

A vast silence on my part and a loud ringing, heavenly laugh chiming from the living room answered my question.

I wonder with disdain what Edd had said to make him laugh like that.

Two, was his cum still going to taste as good? I took the other hand and suckled on the fingers. Oh the flavor, bitter and sweet but salty all at once. The taste, the pure knowledge that this was his cum. He had cum inside me. I had made him feel so good that he had cum into me. This came from inside him. I'd lap up his blood, his sweat, his saliva, and hell, if he wanted, his piss. It was all him.

The piss part caught me off guard, though. Maybe not that, but then again, what ever he wanted I wanted.

I shook the thought out of my head. I was entering "fucked-up undiscovered kinks maybe" land, and exportation would be a great idea. I decided to stick to "satisfying-but-confusing orgasm land" instead.

My imagination ran wild. I fantasized of him lubing himself up. Watching me through those long lashes as he stoked himself. He'd line himself up. For the sake of getting off, I had skipped a the foreplay and stretching. Who has the time for stuff like that when you're horny? Not that those activities are any less enjoyable, just that I wanted to imagine him inside me, pounding me.

Oh fuck, I love that term. Pounding me, making me writhe, feeling me quivering around his throbbing cock...

I stroked faster.

I would run my fingers through his hair, feeling how soft it was even at the roots. His smell would surround me and give familiar, warm feeling. We would be close. He would accept me for everything.

He would see me open a small spread out and torn apart, gasping for breath. Was I bad to look at? Would I make a gross sound?

No, it's not good to imagine me being gross and out of control. In this fantasy, he'd some how find me sexy. He'd want me to feel so good. He'd strike my prostrate like he did earlier today, over and over. It'd feel so good and perfect. He'd cloud my vision with lust and want and need and desire. God, fuck me.

I stoked harder, my hand was hurting. I peeked an eye open. My hand was going fast. It felt good. I wanted him to touch me and whisper how good I was for him, how much he loves me and would never leave me.

My hand was burning and aching. But I knew that I needed to reach that point. The point where you know you're going to have an orgasm. There's no denying. Everything leading up to it feels blissful and perfect. Once I'm there, I can relax my hand a little. Or maybe it would take me back down? I don't know. Edging would be good for me, perhaps. There are times when I think I'll cum myself to death.

Somehow, I know that it'd probably end like that.

My legs kept twitching and jerking up. I was close. The pleasurable heat was pooling down. My mind was throwing down random scenarios and scenes to help me officially get off. He was bouncing on my cock, begging for release. He was kissing my chest and whispering how perfect he thought I was. Fucking me, hard and fast.  
Blowing me. Whipping me. I was close. I let my head loll to the side, moaning his name.

"T-Tom~" I whimpered. I imagined he would bite my neck and moan. Or he'd kiss me and tell me to let go. Or he'd tell me no, don't cum, don't you dare. Either way was exciting.

I put my hand in the sheets as the other worked harder near the tip of my cock. Oh, _there_. It felt so _good_ there, so good that I might...

I bucked my hips and came. My veins lit up with fire, everything pulsing and wonderful around me. It felt so good, so amazingly pleasurable. My cum was hitting my stomach, accompanying the now-dry cum that I had released earlier with Tom.

I imagined Tom would fill me up, letting out a moan that would only prolong my orgasm. Of course, this felt like nothing compared to the actual sex with the actual Tom. It would feel way less pathetic and way more pleasurable if I was with Tom.

Speaking of Tom.

I cut the afterglow short, grabbing a random shirt and mopping the shit off of my stomach. However, I'd also like to pretend as if I didn't have a mini tantrum at the fact that I bottomed. So I wanted to dress casual, relaxed, as if I just came back to put on clean clothes. That I wasn't moping and whining about my own stupid issues. I believe that a baggy black shirt and some boxers would convey this message famously.

I strode into the living room. Tom seemed to be closing up the conversation at the quick glance he gave me. I shrugged, as if even a small look from him didn't set my heart on fire.

Grabbing a coke from the fridge, I plopped down on an arm chair, throwing my legs over the arms. Tom seemed to be wearing a pair of boxers as well, but he had put on my plaid shirt as well. It was pretty cute. Were we gonna be those people who wore each others stuff? That'd be pretty awesome.

"...no Edd, I'm not...well actually I might if you pick me up a Snapple while you're there."

\\(êwê)/

He gazed at me for a moment, his lip bitten.

"Tord's here, and he's...eating a pillow so I have to go, bye Edd!" Muffled yells of distress were heard through the phone, but Tom quickly ended the call.

I snorted.

"I'm 'eating a pillow'? That's the best you could come up with?" I mused, sipping the coke. He snorted.

"Pardon me, mister sassafras, but I was a bit distracted by your..." I raised an eyebrow.

"My what?" I was secretly hoping that he'd say I looked pretty hot or something, which of course was just a daydream. I was wearing boxers, for fucks sake.

"You..." he stifled a laugh. "...you got some stuff on the back of your leg." I lifted up my leg and craned my neck to see what it was. It was his seed that had dripped down.

He was obviously laughing behind his hand, and it felt so smug that I decided to shut him up. I felt around under my leg and found a small bit of wet cum. I stuck it in my mouth, making a show of it.

He did indeed shut up.

He huffed, but was otherwise silent. I gazed at him. He was flushed, and I felt a small ounce of vanity.

"Y-You didn't have to go and...do that..." he muttered. "Baka."

I, of course, can't do anything cool for more than a second, because I had thrown back my head and laughed. My sexy act had come to a close. I sat up, placing my coke on the table and plopped next to him.

"Weeb." I said, poking his cheek.

"Yeah, I'm the weeb. Nice 'pocky' undies, you dork." Apparently I did have those on. Damn it, Tom. I put my arm around his shoulder, earning me a purr of approval.

"Yeah well, where'd you even learn that word?"

"I remember you got mad at Matt once and called him an 'uneducated baka' and he was so confused, and I thought it was hilarious. So I looked it up." He leaned on my shoulder. "You're lucky I love you."

I kissed his head.

"What were you and Edd talking about?" I mumbled, suddenly taking note of how cute Tom's feet were.

"The usual stuff."

"...such as?"

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders, as he played with the hem of my shirt.

"Matt and him have officially fucked."

I clicked my tongue and patted his shoulder.

"Well then."

He started giggling. Nuzzling deeper into my side.

"Yeah, it's pretty great." He breathed. "We're like those two girls who gossip nonstop in those eighty movies. He told me basically everything."

I didn't feel envious at all, for a brief moment. I felt content. Tom was talking to me, and feeling comfortable around me, and being himself. I couldn't ask for anything else. I love him. I _love_ him, and I felt happy. Though, as he was telling other things, something humorously disturbing came to me.

"I heard you laughing at one point."

"Huh?"

"When talking to Edd."

There was a silence.

"Matt's pretty weird. Don't question it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I counted. Guys, I've spent thirty nine dollars and seventy two cents on all the new Snapples. Where I get them, they are ninety nine cents. 
> 
> Help.


	19. Last angsty chapter I swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk. No smut, for fucking once. I'll try to make this less emotional.

__"Guys"

A heavy eyelid peeked open, then quickly shut. I nuzzled deeper into the warmth that surrounded me. The air around me was cold, brisk, generally chilly, but this heat was radiating against me in a way that made me melt. It was wrapped around me in the most comforting way, and it made me feel comfortable and content.

I didn't feel like getting up.

"Um...guys?"

The warmth had a heartbeat, I discovered, as well as a pleasant smell. It also had a voice, due to the low growl it gave in response to the disturbance. It wrapped tighter around me and let out a huff of air, cooling off the top of my head.

"I...holy shit, _Matt_ , get the camera."

At the mention of Matt, and the sudden realization of the owner's voice, I sat up, knocking into the warm being around me. It made a small hiss of pain, then woke up.

Tord and I looked at Edd. He was smiling, clearly pleased at what he was seeing. This of course implied that the wonderful heat surrounding me would be one other than Tord, also implying that we fell asleep on the couch together, once more implying that Edd can see us. Ask yourself, what two unrelated people, previously alone for a week or so, cuddle without being in any relationship? I suppose friends could, but that seems unlikely given our history.

Edd had told me on the phone earlier that he'd be coming home late tonight. Did Tord and I fall asleep for that long? God, what time is it?

That doesn't matter. What matters is that Edd has seen me and Tord together in what would be considered as a romantic activity. I'm not ashamed of Tord, whatsoever. But I would've liked to have...maybe a little inner pep talk? Something like that.

Telling Edd about Tord and I had a deeper meaning. It's about moving on from what I considered to be love for Edd, which was honestly just a cop out as a safe zone. It's about moving from that era of self-pity and emotional neglect and immaturity. I'm not saying I'm completely mature ( though my age legally qualifies me as such) but I am saying that I'm growing up. Being healthy.

I realize that, in reality and outside of my head, it is very quiet.

Edd was obviously looking for an explanation. His eyes held a mischievous glint, a smirk on his face, his arms crossed. I could here Matt's distant swearing, probably still looking for a camera. Tord leaned into my ear, not breaking eye contact with Edd.

"Thomas." He whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear. "Does he not know?" I tilted my face back and turned my mouth to his ear.

"N-No..."

"...I figured." Suddenly, his heat left as he nudged me off and stood up.

"Well, if any of you need me, I'll be smoking. My lungs are far too clean for this shit." He stretched. His shirt lifted up a bit, exposing a sliver of his back. I could hear his back pop, and that shouldn't be as hot as it is. I've found that near everything Tord does is arrousing.

A clearing of a throat once again brought me back from my sleepy demeanor.

"So Tom," Edd smirked. "What's up with that, huh? Having some Z-Z-Z with your en-uh-me?" He sat cross legged on the couch and held his head with his hands, scarily resembling a teenage girl. "Cmon, tell me everything."

The door suddenly burst open, Matt looking frazzled and out of sorts. He had his phone in his hand and, after taking survey of the room, gave a frustrated pout.

"I'm sorry Edd! I couldn't find the camera, so then I was like 'wait hold up I have a phone' so then I tried to find that but I couldn't so I was gonna ask you but then I saw the camera on the porch and I was like 'well I might as grab that' but then again I was worried where my phone was, so-"

"Oi, ginger snap, I just woke up. Take your voice and normalize it."

I turned my head to see Tord leaning against the kitchen doorway, a cigar between his teeth.

Matt looked crestfallen nonetheless, but muttered a 'sir yes sir' and plopped on the arm of the couch. He swooped down to peck Edd's cheek.

"Hi~" He grinned.

I stared at them for a moment. This is usually the time when I grit my teeth in jealousy, wanting nothing more than to push Matt off. And hell, I did feel it. But I realize what that feeling is now. Protectiveness, platonic love, a need to look out for Edd as he has for me. The realization spread through my body, edging a sigh out.

I was happy, so to that I smiled.

I felt Tord sit down next to me. I remembered that this was supposed to be the moment that I tell Edd what's up. I could feel Tord's eyes on the back of my head, and I bit my lip. How do I word this? What exactly do I say? They were all expecting me to say something, and the pressure was weighing down in the most uncomfortable way. I decided to give a nervous smile and lean further into the couch when they all stared at me.

Tord, apparently, didn't think it was that big of a deal.

He put his arm around me, pulling me close to him. My body was pulled tight together, and I simply tilted and fell into him. Edd's mouth fell wide open as he looked back and forth between us, searching for an answer. I furrowed my eyebrows, but remained silent. More like flabbergasted, to be honest. I kind of had an idea in mind, maybe a long heart felt conversation like we usually have.

I was frustrated, not mad, but frustrated. I wanted to yell at Tord for making this so light a situation. Then again, I don't see how this could ever be awkward for him. He has had no confusion involving romantic feelings around Edd or Matt. And, with the way I was practically smushed against him with his arm, he seemed quite eager to establish that I was his and vice versa. Why's that?

Edd started to say something, but then I feel Tord's lips on my head, giving it a small kiss. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised, but yet I was. I maneuvered my head to where I was staring up at him. He wore a deadpan expression, and only glanced at me for a moment before continuing to look at Edd.

"Oh yeah, we're going out, by the way. Silly me." He smiled.

I was shocked.

"Wait, hold up hold up hold up." Matt said, massaging his temples. "So...you two are dating now?"

I wanted to finally have my input here, maybe an explanation or two. But of course, Tord took care of it with a simple 'yep'. Y'know, why isn't he just a little bit uncomfortable? That'd make this a lot easier. I mean, telling your best friends that you've known for years that you and your supposed rival newly formed relationship should be just a _little_ weird, right?!

Edd finally closed his mouth, but quickly opened it to ask me if it was true. I happily saw that a smile was forming, a sigh of relief escaping my mouth.

"Yeah. We're...goin' out, and stuff. I uh, would've liked" I glared at Tord. "a more eloquent response. But I guess it can't  
be helped." I turned back to Edd. "So yeah. This is a thing that's happening right now. Yep."

Edd's smile only widened, but his eyes narrowed in suspicion, an eyebrow raising. Now I was confused.

"Hold on guys, are you guys pranking us?" Matt moved across to the arm chair, smiling at us. Edd continued. "Because you actually had me believing that-"

Tord craned his head to plant a kiss on my lips.

I heard a happy yip from next to me.

"There! Now _that's_ what I wanted to see! Aw man, I _knew_ you guys would get together in the end!" I couldn't see what Edd was doing, all I could feel were Tord's hot lips against mine, and the embarrassment mashed with flushed endearment, only a bit of anger, pulsing through me. He smelled like smoke, but I didn't care. I definitely wanted to talk to him about this later, but I guess that'll have to wait.

I heard Matt's whistling and whoops and I suddenly burst into a fit of giggles, my head resting on Tord's chest as I scrunched my eyes and laughed, partly out of relief and happiness and stupidity of the situation. I felt Tord kiss my head one last time, then move to my ear.

"I love you, Thomas." He whispered before wrapping his arms around me. I flipped myself around to see Edd's smiling face. I noticed Matt's eyebrows wiggling, which only made me laugh harder.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Matt and Edd had said that, as much as they'd like to stay and watch us make out, and pry into our love life, they were tired from the trip and were going to go take a nap.

The minute I saw them head for Matt's room, I stomped up to Tord's room. I felt a rush of anger and curiosity, as to why in the HELL did he think that would be a good idea. To just tell them like that as if it was no big deal.

His door was closed, the avoidant bastard.

I banged on the door. I tried to listen in on whether he was asleep or awake. I heard only silence.

I heard a groan and some muffled norweigan. Then a couple of footsteps, and then suddenly I saw a Tord before me.

"You." I glared, backing him back into his own room with my finger digging into his chest. "Had the audacity to go on and say that. What the hell is wrong with you?"

He sighed.

"Are you really mad? I mean, you just laughed your ass off down there. I figured you were cool with it." He gave me a monotone expression before he turned to flop on his bed, watching me stalk towards him.

"Cool with it?! You just-"

"Why do you care?"

The anger that had blinded me had left in an instant. I looked him in the eye and saw him giving me that same accusing glare, the one where he suspects something. Meaning he wasn't too happy either. I took a deep breath and tried to continue.

"Well, I-"

"No, I don't want an excuse. Why do you care so damn much?"

I was quiet.

He nodded with understanding and smacked his lips.

"Yep. See, I knew I was right. You still like Edd, don't you?"

My mouth fell open. My eyes widened. My eyebrow lifted, trying to figure out if he was fucking joking or not.

"I. Cannot. Keep having this same," I got onto the bed. "Goddamn." I pushed him down, pinning him to his bed as he stared at me with wide eyes. "Conversation with you! Oh my lord, and you actually think that it's fine for you to say this! That's what's so terrible about it!"

He flared his nose and flipped us over. He was above me and close to my ear.

"Listen here, asshole. Can you get your head out of your ass for one goddamn second, and look at this from my point of view?" His hands were gripped tightly around my wrists, and his legs had trapped me. I felt helpless and I had no choice but to listen. He adjusted back to where he was looking down at me.

"You whine and pine after the guy since the day I've met you, always praising and sucking up and worshipping him. You talk about nothing with me unless it's an insult or comparing me to him. No regard for my feelings whatsoever, even though I'm helplessly fucking in love with you.

"Then, one night, we fuck. And suddenly you're talking about loving me and devotion and shit. And for some fucking reason, I buy it. But you still talk him up like he's the fucking messiah, and you act uncomfortable when it comes to his knowledge of our relationship.

"So don't you dare think it's wrong of me to act just a tad possessive and rash. Got that?"

His teeth were gritted, his eyes narrowed and driven on anger. He was above me, towering over me and practically smothering me. His harsh whispers were sinking in and it suddenly dawned on me how wrong this is. How bad this is. I had no idea how toxic it really was.

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, keeping out my shaky breath that threatened to show itself.

"Tord, if you don't trust me, then we need to break up."

That seemed to get to him.

His face slowly morphed into one of shock and dismay. His eyes widened as he stared down at me. His lip was bitten. I wanted to find out what was in his mind. What was he thinking?

I felt heartbroken. Did I really get so caught up in the moment that I thought that this would last? Of course not.

I loved him. I loved him so much, and the pure knowledge of it hurt me. I loved him and I wanted nothing more than to be with him and love him and kiss him and care for him and make him as happy as I can hope. I entertained thoughts of spending my life with him. I've known him for years, and throughout it all, I loved him with my full heart.

Why couldn't I just deal with these issues before I found out how much I adore him?

Why couldn't I just have figured out that no, I've never loved Edd like that and no, you'll probably never be loved like that. Except for then your Norwegian rival, that made you feel things you never have before, would come along and sweep you off your feet and treat you like a prince.

Tord deserved so much better than me. Someone more put together and healthy and less emotionally suicidal and broken. And the fact that a silly argument turned into something so dark as this, that must mean something, right?

"No." His firm voice broke me from my inner thoughts. "No, nonono. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that I...should've kept that to myself. I didn't mean it, let's...forget this happened." He started kissing my neck.

I sighed.

"Tord."

He was kissing my neck, utterly determined to make me forget what we just talked about.

"Please, oh god please just forget it, Tom." He whispered, kissing my neck as his hands rubbed soothing patterns down my sides. "Forget all of that and just please forgive me. I trust you and love you and please don't."

"Tord."

He was nuzzling into the crook between my neck and shoulder. His hands were slipping under my shirt, under my back and lifting me up to him. My back was unconsciously arching for him.

I didn't want to break up with him, and I didn't think that we would. I needed to know if he trusted me. If he believed me when I said that I love him.

"Tom. I'm sorry."

"Yes, I hear that."

"Can we just forget that happened? It was a stupid thing that led to something bad. I don't want to talk about that again."

"Tord." I stroked my hand down his back, getting a puff of hot air on my neck. "We need to talk about that eventually."

"Can it not be now?"

"I feel it'd be best to get it out of the way."

It was silent. Only the soft wet sounds of him running kisses up and down my throat. The rustling of my shirt and the occasional squeaking of the bed.

"Tord," I started. "Everything you said was true. I'm a mess and I'm sorry."

He stopped moving his hands and just rested in the crook of my neck. My hand still going up and down his back.

"I don't know how else to make you believe that I love you and only you. If you don't trust me, if you keep basically pissing around me, then this same conversation is going to keep happening."

He lifted himself up and just looked at me. My heart hurt and I wanted to cry when I saw his expression. Hurt, despair, eyes brimming with tears. A sudden realization hit me.

"Is that what downstairs was? Claiming your territory?"

He was still quiet. I desperately wanted him to talk to me and reassure me that no, this is all just my imagination. Everything's fine.

He spoke in a voice nearly inaudible.

"I'm sorry I'm like this."

Tears started dripping down his face, falling on to my neck and chest. He was crying and it was because of and the guilt was destroying me. Seeing Tord, the strongest guy I know, break down in tears above me, so weak and vulnerable.

"Sssh...c'mere baby. It's okay."

He fell into my arms, burrowing down into my neck. Crying and sniffling and trying so hard to stop. I was petting his hair, letting him finally express what's been stewing in his poor heart for all these years.

"You're too insecure." I said in a hushed voice. "I wish you'd realize how perfect you really are. You don't need to be worried, love."

I wonder what happened to him as a kid.

I heard a muffled 'you're one to talk' in my shoulder that made me smile.

He raised his head and looked at me again. His eyes were puffy and red, and tears were still pouring out of his eyes.

"...are you honestly saying that you love me, even after seeing me cry and whine and act like a jealous prick?" He murmured. I moved a hand to his face and cupped his cheek.

"I love you even more than before, as impossible as that is."

He was still looking at me.

"So we're not gonna break up?"

I bit my lip. I had questions to ask him about his early life. Not today, but on a later date.

"No, I suppose not. I feel like this type of shit is something you've been going through for a while now, and I happen to love and adore you too much for my own good."

He gave a happy smile. Y'know, as terrified of intimacy and commitment as I am, as anxious and scared and as fucked up as I am, I sure did handle that pretty well. We really do complete each other, don't we?

He leaned down to kiss me.

"I really don't deserve you..." He whispered along my lips. "You're too good for me, for this god-forsaken planet."

He hesitated, then leaned into my ear.

"But no homo, right bro?"

And, like the adults we are, we laughed our asses off like thirteen-year-olds, clinging to each other and being in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while. I've been doubting my writing lately, and I've been feeling depressed. I dunno, I'm a fucking weirdo. Sorry for making you guys wait.


	20. Guys I have no regular updating schedule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got an email saying that they want Edd and atom to be the girls they are and gossip and such and I was like "whAT A FiNE IdeA" This one goes out to C0ri_l0ves_y0u, so thanks for the suggestion, love! I popped out this gay mess. Enjoy, probably...

"Mmmm.. _.T-Tom_..."

His hand was sliding up and down my back, sending tingles of pleasure through my spine. Practically caressing me in that loving way. His hot breath would sometimes sweep across my face when we broke apart, gasping for air and panting, a trail of saliva connecting us.

We had stayed in bed for the rest of the evening. What Edd and Matt did, I don't know, but I do know that we were here enjoying each others company. It was sweet, really. He seemed to think that we don't spend enough time talking and laughing and cuddling, and he seemed reluctant for me to go. Even when I had to go to the bathroom.

It was getting late. I was tired. Very tired, actually. I figured I could just sleep in here, but with that lump pressed against me, he probably wanted to do something about that. I'm usually all about it, but I feel exhausted.

He was becoming more passionate. His kisses were getting sloppy and frantic. His hands were playing with the hem of my boxers. It was obvious where he wanted this to go, so I pushed myself off of him.

"N-no, wait..." He mumbled, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Don't go."

"I'm sleepy." I replied as simply and sweetly as possible.

"Yeah but you could just stay in here." His sad eyes almost made me change my mind. But with a glance to his boxers, I knew what would happen.

"I'd like to, but I figure you'd want some _stuff_  before that." I smiled at him, sliding off of his waist to stand up and stretch.

"I don't just want sex, I want you." He purred.

"Nice try."

"Who says I was lying?"

I turned back to him. Tord was stretched out like a cat, relaxed with half lidded eyes. So beautiful.

"Well, I guess I won't push you..." He sighed. He gave a pitiful smile that made me feel a little guilty, but I held my ground. "You need the sleep. I'll just take care of this myself then~"

"You do that..." I yawned. "Good night, Tordy."

"Again with that nickname."

"And forever it shall remain."

"I'm gonna call you Tommy for now on."

"You know, I like it when you call me Thomas."

"Really? How much?"

"This much." I opened my arms wide as if to hug someone. He started laughing.

"I remember when you did that during sex. It was fucking hilarious. It was supposed to be a sexy moment." He scoffed. "And fuck me for even trying to create it..."

"Good night, Tord." I repeated, grinning.

He was still smiling at me, and it still sent butterflies in my stomach. I opened the door after blowing him a kiss, and closed it behind me.

I slumped against it.

It's mind blowing how much I love him.

 

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

  
"Tommy bear, wake up~"

I woke up to a bright light being shone directly into my eyes. I was pissed, especially when my eyes had sleepily opened to an annoying ass flashlight.

"Ffffffuck off." I groaned, snuggling deeper into my pillow.

"Is that anyway to talk to your best friend, you ungrateful shrew?"

My eyes snapped open. Shielding my eyes from the light, I popped up from my sleepy stance.

"Edd?"

He lowered the flashlight. My eyes stung, but eventually adjusted to the light, revealing a beaming Edd clad in a green shirt with the words 'move aside, bitch' printed on it.

"Fuck, Edd, I haven't seen that shirt since college."

"I wore it more times than that, drop-out."

"You woke me up at," I turned to my alarm clock. "...four in the fucking morning, shining a bright light in my goddamn face, and you insulted my past. Are you trying to be killed? Say the word, my friend. I'll make this shit happen."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Fuck, I didn't know you were so crabby." He shook his head, then bounced onto my bed. Edd drew his legs in on himself, then wrapped his arms around them, still happily grinning.

"Now, talk to me."

I blinked.

"W-What?"

"You know! About Tord?! Tell me all about it!"

I blinked again.

"What."

"Yeah come on! It'll be fun!" He scooted closer to me. "I can tell you about Matt if you want~"

"I'm good, thanks." I deadpanned.

But actually, I would like to know what Matt is like in a relationship. How well he treats Edd, stuff like that.

"Well..."I murmured. "I mean like, you can tell me some shit about him. Like, top three favorite qualities....or whatever."

He hummed, his face evolving into one of deep thought. He swiveled around and laid his head in my lap. I sat comfortably against the bed frame, running my fingers through his hair as he began to talk.

"I don't know if I can choose only three..." He mumbled. "But I guess..." he adjusted himself better, my fingers still brushing against his soft scalp.

"I guess it's his optimism."

I raised an eyebrow."

"Like," He started. "I've never seen him truly upset. And he never seems to let anything affect him. I don't know if I should be emotionally concerned about that, but maybe he's just that hopeful." He turned back to me.

"And, I guess, since I'm so negative, it-"

I snorted, my fingers pulling his hair.

"You? _Negative_? The _fuck_? When in hell have you been negative?"

He huffed.

"Well, you know how I have that depression shit."

I froze.

"Yeah, sorry, I do." I said softly, strumming his hair with my fingers.

Edd had always been the happiest and most upbeat friend I've ever had. Always the shoulder to cry on, always the strong and supportive friend, always the brave socializer.

But one day in high school, he had called me in the middle of the night. Crying through the muffled speaker of how he wished he could stop hurting. I had asked him what was wrong, and he had said everything. He felt apathetic but emotional at the same time. Everything affected him, but simultaneously it didn't. He felt alone and I was the only person who cared about him.

I had felt such nurturing love for Edd, like I wanted to protect him from all harm. This wonderful person who brought light to my life, and he was the one hurting inside. I'd like to think that we a had a relationship that went beyond romantic or friends. I feel as if we were destined to be as close as we are. This friendship probably doesn't affect him as it does to me. And that's okay.

No wonder I had such mixed emotions for him.

"You haven't had those thoughts recently, have you?" I cooed.

"No." He sighed. "Other than the pills, it feels that with him, everything gets happier."

A twinge of jealousy, but nonetheless comforting to know.

"I mean, you are amazing as well! Don't you ever doubt that!" He said, craning his neck. "But with him..."

"Yeah...I know what you mean..." I smiled. Images of Tord flashed through my mind. How sweet he was, how much he cared and loved and accepted me. He filled a hole that no one else could. So yeah, I understood.

"Thinking about Tord?"

"Mm hmm."

"You get this cute twinkle in your eye whenever you talk to or about him. Always been that way, you know?"

I closed my eyes and continued to stroke his hair.

"What else do you like about Matt?"

"He loves me."

"Well, duh."

"No but like..." My eyes peeked open to see him get this dreamy, far away look in his eye. "He loves me, practically devoted to me, and he's just so perfect. Oh!"

He lifted a hand and poked my chin, head still tilted to look at me.

"You should tell me some stuff about Tord, eh? Some shit that made you all Dom-mie on the commie?" Edd wiggled his eyebrows for effect. God, what a dork.

"I guess I will, but I must correct you when I say that he-" I paused for effect. "-tends to top." He giggled and let his hand drift down to his chest.

"Yeah I figured that he'd- wait! No, hold the phone!" He snapped up and almost knocked into my chin, turning around to face me. "You said 'tends' to! I was joking when I called you dom! He actually went sub for you?!" I narrived my eyes.

"Well, I did ask him. But what do you mean? Can you not picture me as a top?" I straightened my back and relaxed my shoulders. He only rolled his eyes in response and went back to his original position, head in lap.

"Im sure you're a great top." He yawned.

Bastard.

"Anyway." I said. "I really don't think I can name a time when I fell for him." I leaned back on the bed frame. "I guess when I realized...I was already in too deep."

What a goddamn understatement. He had pulled me in, black coils around my heart, and wasn't letting go. Hell, I don't know if I can even go. He could break my heart, and that would break the rest of me. Suffocating me, secluding my heart. Way too deep, way too close.

"How romantic~" He said. "You really seem to love him....that's good. I was scared for a moment there."

"Why is that?"

"Well," He shrugged. "I don't know if I've ever seen you in love before. I was worried you were too...fucked up to love someone like that."

"Yeah. I did too."

We sat in silence for a while, my fingers caressing his soft hair. It was comfortable. A soft light flooding through my door, illuminating the room with a glow that allowed access to see a little. Only his soft breathing and his hair rustling.

"What if we married them."

I tilted my head down.

"Hm?"

"Our boyfriends. Like," He kept looking at me from my lap. "What if we married them."

I smiled.

It was a pleasant and wonderful thought, thinking of marrying Tord. None of that weird "married-life" shit on the internet, like an actual marriage. We'd get an apartment, maybe a house, and live together. We'd sleep in the same bed, I could kiss him everyday, love him and devote myself a little more everyday.

I'm sure we'd argue. Fuck, we've always argued and fought. But we'd work it out. It made me a little nervous to think about. There wasn't really a way to separate myself from him if we ever fought without a bunch of shit with law. With a regular relationship, we can break up and take breaks and stuff. In marriage, there's no breaks. They will always be there. So if we ever got in an argument, it can't be too bad. But what if it is? No, I'm worrying about things that haven't happened and probably won't ever happen.

But still, being married to Tord...that's quite a heart warming thought.

"If Matt and I ever got married, I would want the gayest wedding~" He sighed. "I'm talking rainbows, flowers, I'm probably getting RuPaul's fabulous ass down here. It'll be awesome."

"I don't know about that. Matt would probably want something a little more fancy and elegant."

"Don't ruin my dreams." We giggled. "What would you want for you and Tord's wedding?"

"Whatever he wants, really. Guns probably. No church, though. We're not that religious."

"Yeah."

"And the wedding night would be so wonderful. It'd be loving and intimate and so _perfect_...Maybe one day I will marry him."

"Wedding night..." Edd trailed off. "You know, we got ourselves some good men."

I smiled.

"Damn right we did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I have an intense appreciation for TomEdd. Like, I don't ship it romantically. But the idea that they have a relationship beyond sexual and romantic feelings is my aesthetic. Like closeness and bestfriendness. It's adorable. 
> 
> Anyway sorry I've been rambling I'm gonna say about four more chapters or so and then we can call this shit train of a fic over. It's been fun tho, but all good things must come to an end~
> 
> Okay now bye, lovelies


	21. guess who's not dead 8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at that a happy chapter hoo boi we haven't had that in a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rolls up from the depths of hell*
> 
> HA LOL WHATUP yes I know it's been a month or so but trust me when I say that this is kind of my apology. So. Do with it what you will.

I stared at the ceiling.

Above me are the white swirls of paint. Whether from materialistic pattern preferences or pure coincidence, it sure is interesting. It makes you think.

Like, did someone, on one particular day, look up at the ceiling and think 'what if some sad, drunk idiot was staring at the ceiling, and saw nothing but boring paint? Well, we simply can't have that' and simply preached the idea. That yes, ceiling designs are necessary and needed to move forward and evolve in this troubling society.

That in order to develop as human beings, we need something to entertain ourselves in every corner. Making things fancier and more extravagant than needed, just to keep ourselves busy.

So what I'm looking at right now, was that planned for, or just the way they were told to paint? 'They' as in the hired painters for the house, whoever owned it long before us. Were they told to paint like that in order to get the best use out of less coats?

Now that I think about it, who were the original owners of this house? Did they envision a home? With children, where they could grow old together? There was probably yelling. Yelling and tears shed in this house.

There has probably been sex on the floor of this very room. A teen embracing their sexuality. Fights and yelling and hurt. There has been phases and fads, opinions changed and differentiated from time to time, despite the age. Holy shit what if someone died here.

...

Was I thinking about...

...fucking ceilings?

Tom left to go to his room tonight. Which, I respect his opinion. My poor baby was sleepy, and he wanted to sleep. That's fine. And, in all honesty, I probably would've tried to persuade him towards sex. Smart choice, Tommy boy.

I was horny, but my train of thought led me to other thoughts that... weren't so pleasant, and definitely did not do good for my arousal.

I'm not the least bit sleepy, is the worst part. I want to stay up. I want to talk to Tom. I want to do things that aren't necessarily sexual with him, but imply heavy romance. Like kissing his soft lips, leaving pecks all over his hand and fingers. Maybe brushing and stroking his hair, his thick and beautiful hair.

What if he let me do something more...sensual than that? I could kiss his cheek and let him sit in my lap. He'd talk about all sorts of things, him with that beautiful British voice of his. I continue to stare at the ceiling. I wonder blankly if my accent had any effect on him as it did to me.

Probably not.

He would tell me about his day, maybe talk about his favorite things and stuff he's passionate about. His eyes would give that small twinkle that they do when he's happy, and my heart would swell. He'd talk and I'd listen and it's be wonderful.

Than I could lay him down and I could rub his back and shoulder muscles. The strap for his bass (that he wears for prolonged periods of time) has probably put some strain there. I'd rub and massage him and listen to his voice get gentler and sleepier and he'd tell me that it felt good, and I would feel so happy.

I'd rub him and kiss him until he'd fall asleep, and it'd be perfect. Then I'd hold him in my arms and feel his usual rabbit heart beat slowly transcend into something soft and soothing. I'd listen to the soft breaths that escaped his cute open mouth, or the endearing and precious singing that he tends to do when asleep.

I could lay him down in bed and curl around him. He would scoot towards me and I'd only cuddle his adorable ass even more. I would pull the blankets over us and feel so warm, so safe and secure with him. I'd lean my head down, burying my nose in his soft and fluffy hair, getting a whiff of that unique fragrance he has.

We'd sleep in the bed together and it'd be so domestic, so physical and emotional and real, that'd it only remind me to hold him tighter. Hold him tighter and closer to me because if I lose grip for even a second he'd go away. He'd leave and the only way to keep him with me is to surround him with me and only me.

But I know Tom would never want to do that. Maybe. I don't know, I never asked.

A small part of me wanted him to be the one to initiate it. I wanted him to desire my company and touch. I'm sick of playing the clingy, overbearing, and demanding boyfriend who seems to be invested more in this relationship than he is. I wanted him to give a fuck. I want him to care and want to be held by me and let me touch him and talk to him.

He does that all the time, I inwardly scold, why am I complaining when he's fine with affection and such?

Because I want it to be me and only me.

...

I'm going to go check up on Tom.

I do this a lot. Just walk over to his room and sit in the bed and watch him. As creepy as it sounds, it makes me feel peaceful. Fuck, if he knew that I was this far deep, this obsessed with him, he'd leave me for sure. It can't be healthy, how much he occupies my mind.

Hell, he's always on mind, I think to myself as I walk down the hallway. Scary thoughts. Like, how do I keep him to myself? How do I let nothing harm him anymore, or affect him badly in any way shape or form? How do I keep him locked away from civilization, leaving him completely content with only me? Yeah. Those are the thoughts of a freak.

I'm by Tom's door, and I hear soft talking. My heart stops and adrenaline pulses through my veins.

I hear giggling.

I frown.

Does Tom talk to himself? That's odd. I mean, I don't think I should be talking considering I have my own oddities. Actually, it's kind of cute.

Then I hear another set of giggles at the same time.

That's when I stop thinking its cute.

I lean against the door and try to listen in. Who could be in Tom's room? It's...late? I don't know what time it is, but it's dark out.

...

Edd wouldn't be up, would he?

"...I mean, you're amazing as well, don't get me wrong! But with him..."

"Yeah...I know what you mean."

There was Edd's voice before. Edd was in Tom's room at hell's hour what the fuck is he doing in Tom's room.

With a crane of my neck, I saw my love, awake and resting against the bed post. He looked happy. That glimmer in his eye was there, even visible in the dark. His soft and delicate hands were...

Running through Edd's hair.

Edd had his head in Tom's lap, between his warm and lovely and perfect thighs. Why the hell are they there, I want to scream. I don't say a word. One word from me will ruin this. That look on Tom's face earlier wasn't one of amusement. He had actually considered breaking up.

I bite my lip.

I wanted to be in Edd's place. I wanted to have Tom's fingers in my hair, massaging my scalp. Why the fuck was Edd there. I wanted to place my head between his thighs. I wanted to be close to him, being with him in every second.

Why does it always feel like Edd and Tom are always ahead of me? Like they're closed off in this bubble that I try to be in, try to be involved in, but I'm always closed away? No matter how hard I try and care and yearn, I can't break through that barrier. I can never be close to Tom like that, and it kills me.

I want to listen in in their conversation, as if I can gain insight.

"Thinking about Tord?"

No Edd. He's not, I want to snap. Tom wouldn't want to think about me, his lowly and clingy boyfriend who loves him more than anything else in this fucking world, when he has your fucking head between his goddamn thighs.

When a small voice gives an airy breath that flips my heart around with just a simple sound.

"Mm hmm."

I let out a choked cry, quickly throwing my hand around my mouth as I turn away from the door.

Hold on now, Tord. What was he context of the conversation? Maybe if I wasn't thinking about fucking ceilings then MAYBE I could've fucking heard them speaking earlier.

Edd was saying Tom was amazing 'as well' earlier, so that means Edd must've been talking about someone else who is dear to him. Matt? Sure. Tom had basically said 'yeah lol I got one of those at home I know whatchu mean fam' or something along those lines, him with his adorable soft voice and his cute vocabulary and linguistics.

I suddenly realized that they were talking still, and I threw myself back by the door to listen.

"You should tell me some stuff about Tord, eh? Some shit that made you all Dom-mie on the commie?" Edd was talking now. Are they talking about...us? As in, me and Matt? Sexually?

Oh so Tom's gonna talk about me. This should be interesting.

"I guess I will, but I must correct you when I say that he-" He paused. "-tends to top."   
  
W-what?

Do they seriously talk about that stuff with each other? Well, Edd did tell him about him and Matt's first time, so I guess it isn't too much of a shock. Maybe I should start talking to Matt about these things.

Yeah, y'know what, I think I'll pass on that.

"Yeah, I figured that he'd- wait! No hold the phone!" I raised an eyebrow. "You said 'tends' to! I was joking when I called you dom! He actually went sub for you?!"

It's not that them talking about me sexually was a bad thing, but it makes me a bit uncomfortable. It's like I'm on display, and I'm not even there. It's kinda nice that they think I'm more of the dominant type...

Take that Edd.

"Well, I did ask him. But what do you mean? Can you not picture me as a top?"

Oh wait shit they're talking about me as a bottom.

I hold my head in my hands and feel everything run cold, all the hot blood rushing in my ears and cheeks. I can hear the pounding of my embarrassment and I feel like telling him to shut up...but I don't.

Tom said I was amazing and that it was great. What if he actually doesn't feel that way? He tells Edd everything right? He wouldn't lie to him. I can now witness the greatness that is Tom's inner mind. I'm both excited and terrified.

"I'm sure you're a great top."

Hoo boy.

Damn right he is.

I hold back a laugh at the heavily implied sarcasm dripping in Edd's voice. Well, it's understandable, I suppose. Tom's seems far too beautiful to be topping. Soft porcelain skin so easy to bruise, a pretty blush that glows with every complement, gorgeous body that looks so good, especially when he's-

Right. Not the time for that.

"Anyway." Speak of the devil. "I really don't think I can name a time when I fell for him. I guess when I realized...I was already in too deep."

I closed my eyes and took a shuddering breath. It's getting harder and harder to control myself around him. And with that, I went to my room. What was I going to do? Stand outside the door? I'll for Edd to leave. Then I'd go in there and kiss him.

Kiss him and kiss him and never stop kissing him. Kiss his cheeks and his forehead and his cute ears and his little nose and his eyelids. Kiss his lips, long and passionate. I'd find away to kiss everywhere on his body. I'd hug him tight and listen to him and he'd repeat that he loves me so much hat my heart would near burst.

So I waited and held back my tears, threatening to break from the pure wave of love that rushed through me and continued to do so.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Edd left.

So I walked into Tom's room.

He was smiling and fiddling with his fingers, all curled up under the covers and looking so cute and soft and warm.

I laid on the bed, hovering over top of him.

"T-Tord?" His eyes went wide as he stared at me, an adorable blush across his lovely cheeks. "What's the matter? I-I...you seem...off?"

I swooped down to kiss his neck. His delectable swan neck, pale and soft and oh so sweet.

"Whatever do you mean darling?"

"Its just that...this is a little sudden."

I kept kissing him. I'll never stop, damn it. I will kiss up his jawline, all the way to his ears, and whisper in his ears all the things he needs to hear. I'll lick the shell and confess that I think looks good with a bed head.

I'll tell him that he's wonderful, and that I'll love him forever and ever until the stars burn out and fall into the sea. That I'm so in love with him that if he leaves me, I don't know what I'll do. How I might not live another day. That the air he exhales is my oxygen and to live without it would kill me.

Maybe not that last part, that seems a little much.

I start following through with my plan.

"You know I love you, right Tom?"

He rolls his eyes and gives a half hearted smile.

"You tell me every day, love. Yes I know."

Oh if only he knew. If only he knew that, as much as he brushes it aside as common knowledge, it is the gospel. I love him and that's all that needs to be said. The phrase 'I love' is something thrown about so causally now and days. It seems to have lost its initial punch.

But I love him so very much, with every fiber in my soul.

"I know I tell you as often as possible, but I feel as if you don't hear it."

His fingers come up to my hair and trace shapes and idle doodles on my scalp. Pleasurable and intimate and so pleasant.

"Tord, what's going on? What's the matter? Did something happen, or..."

And then I felt like crying again. He was worried about me. I hold them back, but my shaky voice alerts him, and he pulls me even closer.

"I...don't know. Sometimes it just...overwhelms me with...how much I love you." I rest my forehead against his collarbones. His heartbeat is going that usual jackrabbit pace again. Is it normal to have a heartbeat that fast? Am I the only one who notices?

He brings his legs out from under me, to which I arch my back for easier access. He pulls his knees up on either side of me. It feels like I'm being caged in him, and that makes me smile.

Tom clears his throat.

"Did you, uh, just wake up with that thought or have you been up for a while now?"

I shrugged. As response, he sighed and continued playing with my hair. I really like his nimble little fingers. Mine are just beefy and big. But his are quick and soft and tiny and hits all the right spots on my head.

It's making me drowsy, and I don't want to fall asleep. I want to stay up and talk with him more, like Edd did.

"Um."

I tilt my head up a bit and look at him. He's blushing that beautiful glow that shines even in this dark room. He was looking away from me, as if ashamed. 'Of what?' A dark pit inside me questions. But Tom clears his throat and continues.

"W-What if..."

Tom doesn't usually get this embarrassed about his own opinions and needs. This must be important. I sit up and hook his legs behind my back. He's laying flat on the bed, save for a pillow. He's gripping the sheets.

The sexual position we're in causes my mind to wander to dark and lustful places, ones where he's crying out for me, begging and moaning my name. Sweating and blushing and panting. Ugh. Once again, this is not the fucking time. This is important to Tom, whatever it is, and I need to listen.

Tom doesn't seem to notice. He only continues looking embarrassed as he clears his throw once more and squints his eyes shut. A rush of affection runs through me at the sight.

"What if...we..." He paused and, after opening his eyes, gave a disappointed sigh. "Nah, its stupid. Just go back to cuddling me."

"No." I whispered. "This is obviously important to you, elskede. Please tell me, won't you, baby?" I take a strained hand of his and kiss it. It tenses in my grip, but relaxes and eventually let's me kiss all around it. I feel invigorated to just touch it. To let him know that I love him.

His eyes are half lidded and he bites his lip as he trains his eyes on me. He still looks worried, so I almost let him go. I won't push him if he doesn't want to talk about him it right now.

He takes a deep breath, and I prepare myself for what ever it might be. I think the worst, but I stay still.

"Would you...ever consider..." He whispers. "...marriage?"

I stare at him.

"I-I mean, not now, obviously! But like, y'know, sometime in the future! L-Like...a couple months, maybe a year, something...I just...never mind, I'm sorry..."

He wants to get married.

I lean back down and kiss his plump lips.

Marriage. Where I could see him every day, wake up to this face every morning, let it be the last thing I see every night. Where I could hug and kiss and love him as much as I want. Marriage, as a symbol of unity, is on his mind, meaning he'd like to spend the rest of his life with me. With _me_. The one person who can only seem to make his life harder.

I wrap my arms around him and hold him to me, our chests close together. It's soft and slow, the kiss. I let every ounce of emotion and feeling I have try to flow into it. My frustration, my ecstasy, my happiness, my despair, my jealousy. My love.

We broke apart, gasping for air.

"Th..." He tried to say, but it only came out as a smile. A wonderful, genuine smile.

"I'd love to marry you one day." I say, my voice cracking a bit. "I've been thinking about it for years."

Tom starts to cry. His eyes brimming with shiny tears. He wraps around me even tighter if it's possible.

"I love you so much Tord. So so so so so so soooo much." He sniffled. I giggle and kiss his head. He burst his head in the crook of my neck and shoulder.

"I-I...you make me so fucking happy. Y'know that? I don't fucking deserve you, god I don't deserve you." He says.

It's funny. How he thinks he's shit compared to me and that he doesn't deserve me, when I feel the same way and more.

"You deserve everything, and I'd love to spend as much of my life trying to make you believe it." I whispered, rubbing his back.

I push him into the bed and lay him down.

We make love in every sense of the word.

 

 

                            ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *burps*


	22. It's the end guys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last night with Tom and Tord~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drinks last snapple*

* * *

 

 

 

I woke up to nothing in particular.

Nothing prompted me to wake up. Nothing had occurred to stir me from my peaceful sleep (for once).

I had only woken up to his sweet face, illuminated by the streetlights that poured in through the window.

He's gorgeous. Whether it be that soft, milky skin, that feels so rough when I run my fingers over it. Whether it be his eyelashes, fluttered closed and casting a shadow over his cheeks. Hell, whether it be his messy and gingery hair that had fallen a bit in his face, now framing it so perfectly.

I smile and remember that he wanted to avoid eating his hair in his sleep again (a recently discovered habit) and decided to pull it back into a pony tail. Absolutely breathtaking.

Or maybe physical characteristics have nothing to do with it. His wit, his heart, I don't know.

Perhaps it's that sly smile he has when he thinks up a "clever" retort when an insult is shared on his behalf. It's that need to protect others, to shield them from as much pain as possible, only to drown them in his affection and care.

Maybe he lured me when with that tempting smell. One that suffocates me in a deep musty and smoky smell, one that as well contains spicy attributes.

What if it's because his he has a dorky love for war-history movies. Days where he'd just curl up in a plaid blanket, light up a cigar, and immerse himself in the battles and strategies of the documentary. Where I'd curl up in his side and fall asleep listening to his heartbeat and breath, where his fingers would run through my hair.

Or his way around the kitchen. Where he'd stir in a bowl and fry in a pan, and hum a soothing toon that felt so domestic, so physical and real that sometimes is have to leave the room just to thank whatever deity there is above. Just to smile like an idiot.

I don't know what makes him so irresistible. And thinking about that only distracts me from seeing him wake up.

He takes a deep breath through his nose, furrowing his eyebrows in the process. It's so infuriatingly adorable and endearing that I figure I should just rip my hair out.

He nestles deeper into the pillow, then opens one sleepy eye in a half lidded position. Slowly and surely making eye contact with me.

It is then that he gives a playful smile, closing his eye.

"Whatcha staring at, Thomas?" He whispers. His voice is strained and raspy from sleep. He's just all tuckered out and sleepy and he just needs rest, I mean look at him.

I sigh, letting out a low hum as I prop my head in my hand, seeing him better. I feel the need to pull him close to me, but I refrain.

"Nothin' much," I smile. "just looking at something pretty."

He does what I was hoping he'd do. He wraps his strong arm around me and pulls me close to him. His head is buried in my chest, right against my beating heart.

I felt self-conscious. Was I supposed to do something? Maybe touch his hair...which isn't really a burden for me. Maybe I should kiss his head again? The social contract is so weird.

" _Sssshhh_..." He coos, my face flushing. " _relax_ , baby. You think too hard."

I gulp and close my eyes and just feeel the way his hands stoke up and down my back. He pets me like a precious thing, and it does nothing for my anxiety.

He huffs and pushes me against the bed, mouthing at my collarbone.

It's still dark out. I want to sleep, but I love the way he's caressing me. It makes me so happy and I find that it's hard to breathe.

His hands slide my shirt up, exposing me to him. I shiver at both the sudden chill that overtakes me, and the way he gazes at me.

"So pretty..." He whispers under his breath. He's taking his eyes all over me and I find that I'm drowning in it. This thick, molasses sweet feeling he gives me. It almost hurts.

"T-Tordy. Don't do that..." I stutter. I scrunch my eyes closed again and turn my head away.

He kisses me, delicate and fragile kisses too pure and sweet to be possible. He kisses my chest, his warm and wet lips just above my beating heart. I tilt my head back and grab at the sheets. My neck is now fully exposed for him and I want him to lick it and bite it and whisper sweet nothings against it.

He instead kisses a stripe down my chest, leaving goosebumps in its trail. He lingers just above my belly button and suddenly I feel more on display than before. I still feel cold.

"Wait, Tordy, pull...pull down my shirt. Please, I-"

My voice gives out. His wonderful, magic hands are running up and down my sides. It almost tickles, but I stay silent.

"I like touching you, love." He whispers. "Just lay back, okay?"

His voice is soft and sweet, his tongue twisting in that way to make his accent prominent.

After hearing no response, he rests his head down and nuzzles into my stomach, his hair tickling me. I hold back my laughter, only a smile escaping me.

I see his broad shoulders hover, his head leaning down to now kiss my stomach. I feel it wavering under his touch.

Everything feels hot and warm and so good but too much. I don't like this attention on this vulnerable part of my body. Or do I? My thoughts are interrupted when I catch him biting his lip, looking at me with those sleep-glazed eyes.

He smiles.

He leans his head down to my stomach and lays his lips upon it.

Then he blows a raspberry.

I slap my hand over my mouth as I start laughing, avoiding waking up the whole house. He's chuckling too and he rests his forehead against my chest. I feel a tear slip out from my eye, and I find that I just can't give an explanation for it. This deep, gnawing feeling inside says that it's because I love him.

I'm still laughing, he's such a dork.

"Thomas, you should really stay quiet." He smirks.

His smile is stunning, and the whole situation seems more surreal with every smile he gives.

I'm melting under his gaze and he just doesn't know what it's doing to me. How it wrenches at my heart when he gives me that look.

Now he's grabbed one of my hands. He's kissing it, nuzzling into it, like a cat desperate for attention.

A dark pit inside me questions it all. Why is he dong this? What's he getting out of this? I don't deserve this, genuine or otherwise. Just feeling this feeling shouldn't be allowed.

I feel his hand on my wrists and forearms. The fingers are running along the expanse, feeling over the rough faded scars.

We don't speak a word.

He stares me in the eye and kisses each and every one of them.

The dark pit inside of me goes silent, confused on how to react to this.

"Thomas, can I hold you?"

God yes, I want to swoon. I want to stop holding back all of these emotions, to let him know how much he really means to me. But of course, my dumb ass can't express shit. So I make a high pitched whine at the back of my throats and nod frantically.

He gives one last peck to my arm and suddenly he's rolling to the side, edging up to the pillows.

We look at each other for a while.

His eyes are so pretty, I think to myself.

"Turn around." He whispers, still raspy and low from exhaustion. I comply with his wish and smile when I feel a warm, solid chest against my back.

He reaches an arm around me and pulls me closer against him. I lean my head back and close my eyes. There's no way things like this can happen to.

I hear a muffled chuckle.

"Tum, 'er 'air's in mm mouth." Translation, my hair is in his mouth. And flush of embarrassment rushes over me. He keeps laughing and the sound alone makes me feel dizzy.

He maneuvers his head out of the way and rests his head on my shoulder, planting a sloppy wet kiss on my ear.

"You're so tiny, you know." He murmurs. "It's like I can wrap all around you, ya' cutie."

"Ok.." I sigh, trying to regain my composure. "..if I'm the cute one, then you're the hot one."

"Flattering." A heated laugh.

We lay there in silence. The outside sounds of crickets, of distant traffic and cars, of the night winds rustling up the trees.

It feels cold. The only warmth is from Tord and this blanket. He seems to notice or something because he wraps his legs around mine. Entangled in each other.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired, but I don't really want to sleep. I want to stay up with Tord more.

"Ssshhhh..." A soothing whisper rustles against my ear. A shiver of pleasure and calm tingles through my body and I wish he'd do it again. He's letting my stomach like I'm a poor animal, scared. "You need to sleep. I can hear your brain."

I let out a hum and my eyelids feel so heavy, so much if a burden to keep up. It feels so good when I blink, just to drop them down, let gravity do the work. I want to sleep now, I suppose.

Tord always does have that calming effect on me.

"Sssssshhhhh....." He continues. He's still holding me so close, so tight against him. He's still making those soft sounds that ring in my ears like crinkling leaves.

I let my eyes drift close and find that I don't stay awake for very long.

I'm asleep now.

I don't hear the whispered confession of love from Tord as I fall asleep.

And we both drift away into our own conscious, still wrapped up in each other and feeling he warmth radiate off the other. Still deeply in love and still so damn sleepy.

It's a pretty gay week, to say the least, and that works out for us just fine.

 

 

 

        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading this!! This was so much fun, and I'd like to think that my writing got somewhat better. To anyone who supported this and stuck with this clusterfuck, I thank you!! 
> 
> I don't know when I'm gonna update my other fics but be patient, my loves.  
>  Bu-bai!
> 
> *finishes snapple*

**Author's Note:**

> sayonara, my little milk cartons.


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